Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters & Happy Humpday

Sitting here with my coffee waiting for the sun to show itself ~ may take a while.

Lilly, sorry, I misunderstood your point about talking to the psychologist. I imagine going directly to an addictions specialist would be the ideal thing for anyone struggling.
About the dating question - I can't help there, I haven;t been on a date in nearly 40 years :H

LifeChange, glad you found the AA meeting comfortable for you. Having some local support can only be a good thing

Hello to Ronnie too!!

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Wednesday!!
Lav

[KittyKatLost]

Newbies Nest

Thanks all!
When I get to the point I am ready to comfortably talk to people, this being over atleast 30 days of not drinking. I may be able to offer some better help, but in the meantime I enjoy sharing all I can and be open, I dont even like to talk to a good friend of mine Ive known since high school. When you feel like sh** , I think people can sense it even over a telephone.
This insomnia creeps up every night, So I find myself being up at till atleast 3 am just reading and reading posts from here and then doing some searches on self help stuff... Here I am been up since 6 AM , 3 hours of some crappy sleep.
Time to find a therapist today, I have the day off, going to be tough , but have to stay busy. Maybe try to do some excersice, I have had no appetite since being AF. barely eating anything....Now here comes the migraines, same thing around last time I tried to quit! Though I am hopefully giveing this my ALL and finally saying NO.
LILLEe i am taking your advice, I am not ready to start dating, all I am doing is trying to fill an empty void for the alcohol. Your correct it starts with onesself, so I will start to work on me and concentrate on me. To anyone trying to quit and reading this, its very worth it, Its Day 12 for me, Here comes the nausea in the morning, the dry heaving and worst depression, feelings of guilt and shame of what Ive done in the past while drunk, now have to deal with these headaches...ughhhh just not worth it.... Supposedly supposed to get better with time, I am looking forward to it! and its so well worth it not to drink.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Hey Nesters! Ronnie, I am so happy to see you kicking @$$ and taking names! So proud you are back and sailing thru....you are making it look TOO easy!!!
Kitty...well here is the good news, Day 13 is a good day!! At least it was for me, and many others here. By this time, the AL is gone out of your system, the habit is being broken and you begin to think that maybe this IS something you can do! It just gets better from here!! Soldier thru and you will be glad you did!! And BTW, I'm sticking by my comment that your doctor is a boob. Instead of supporting your decision he/she is undermining it! I'm here to tell you, no one knows addiction like an addict, I'd go see someone who has walked the walk. NO one can know how the addicted mind thinks but someone who has lived it. But that's just my opinion. I try to listen to those who have gone before me and had success....Those are the people to whom I listen. A case in point that I have noticed in my sobriety...I was getting my hair cut last week and the lady was telling me that she'd just been to court with her dad...this was his 2nd DUI. I said, well at least, has he quit drinking and learned his lesson? She said, no, but he's getting much better about it. I thought to myself....this is an ON or OFF kind of thing....it's either controlled (by NOT drinking) or not controlled (BY drinking). He may be drinking less in front of her...or maybe by the grace of God not drinking a driving...but if he's had a problem...he's still got it. Funny how I wouldn't have thought that a couple years ago. This is a problem that doesn't fix itself...you gotta do the time and fix it, and the only way to do that is to cut off the food source for the Beast. Don't feed it. Wonder why it took me a year to figure that out? #1 I am stubborn. #2 The Beast is a formidable opponent and will tell you ANYTHING to stay alive. #3 I was addicted.
Stay strong everyone...give it all you've got!! Dig your heels in and dont' give in no matter what and no matter who! Byrdie

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Happy Wednesday Nesties!

Lilly - Regarding your date sans alcohol, years ago I went on a date with a guy from work and I will always remember it because it was the BEST first date I have EVER been on! He drank wine, but I just told him that I NEVER drink and drive (I was 20 miles from home). Anyway, he had one glass and I had iced tea, and we talked and laughed for 3 hours! I had so much fun. I ended up dating him for almost 2 years, he was a great guy but we were headed in different directions (he REALLY wanted kids, and I REALLY didn't want any more). He was a Doctor at age 35, really good looking, financially secure and super funny...but I couldn't lead him on and think he'd get kids out of me. I still wonder "what if" about that one, he ended up getting married and having 2 kids.... Well that was more info than you asked for, but I remember NOT drinking with him and having more fun than I ever did when I got drunk and slept with (shagged...lol) a guy on the first date...that never led anywhere good. I guess to make my long story short (too late for that), you CAN have a great time sober, and it will be the real YOU...not a buzzed version of you. Let us know how it goes on Saturday night...I'm a teensy bit jealous!

Well I guess that was my longwinded story for the day! LOL Now I'll be thinking about the one that got away all day. HA

Everyone have a great day!

xoxo
K9

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Hi Byrdie, KKL, Lily, Lavande, Ronnie, and everyone I missed! I have gotten in the habit of not personally speaking to everyone because I can't remember who posted what when I start to reply, unless I've made notes. How lame is that? LOL

I did see where KKL and Lily are struggling a bit, and I want to give you kudos for sticking with it thus far. :goodjob: ALL of us were where you are now to some degree in the beginning. It really does just take time for the pieces to fall into place, and for AF thinking to take over. I feel a lot closer to it than I did when I started in Feb., but I am still vulnerable...However, I really didn't think I could get to the point where I didn't NEED AL every night, and I have gotten to that point. I am proud that I can have normal AF nites now.

Happy Hump Day Everyone! Just working today, and thinking ahead to what I might do this evening. Have lots of housework to do, as usual, but tackling it bit by bit for now. Have my dentist appt in the morning and kinda dreading it...the expense as well as the visit itself. Hope it is ok.

LG

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Hey K9! Cross post, LOL. Good advice on sober dating. Sometimes you need to be sober to see if you have anything in common with your date. AL might make you think that you do, when you don't. Ideally, if you "hit it off" with someone, you should be comfortable around them AF. Good luck Lily. Can't wait to hear about it!

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

good evening everyone.
it's been a struggle today. there were several times i almost let myself forget that i don't want to drink. i'm amazed at how easy it is/would be to forget my resolve of the past few days and give in with some lame excuse. or with simply not thinking. i don't understand why i can so easily deceive myself. it's so easy. i'm like two totally different people.
Lilly, i am also excited about your date on sat. did someone mention just using the old "i'm taking antibiotics" excuse? most people are so understanding when it comes to not mixing with meds.
i'm living in berlin, germany. i did the same thing stalking meetings. i've walked away from so many--but this time i so needed the support. and i was lucky not to have any vultures in the group. is that rude?
hang in there KKL. sending you strength.

[KittyKatLost]

Newbies Nest

Hey thanks Lifechange, hello all... I think Lillie and all I will put all dating on hold for now. Just concentrate on myself for now and my sobrierty!
One good thing I think the doc did for me was tell em to stop in and he checked my blood pressure and it was sky high, he said it contributes to headaches, ehich I am having now that I have stopped the alcohol!
It has worked so far the blood pressure medeciine , I dont feel the throbbing as much in my head anymore..
Still the cravings are there...trying to find a therapist, good lord maybe theres alot of people needing help, earliest one wont be for another 2 weeks, I guess i will make it through with all the great help I have found here!

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Hi all!

Man, the downside of being in the other hemisphere. I check throughout my day and there's few posts but a slew in the morning when I should be getting to working. Oh well.

Lavande, you didn't misunderstand my post re therapy? I just meant that with hindsight I'd look for someone who specialised in addictions - as mine doesn't seem to be great with that - but a good therapist is still a great idea either way. It's still helped me just to open up totally IRL to someone about it all - it's just a shame she does that minimising thing and keeps encouraging modding over abstinence. And that could be more damaging if I wasn't able to go "oh well she just doesn't really get alcoholism".

KittyKat, I'm really glad you've realised that about dating and the void. Believe me, I hear you, I think that's what my disasterous on-off bullshit latest "relationship" was about. But ultimately it's a bandaid distraction and doesn't work. It sound cliche but do the work on yourself first then you'll find yourself in a FAR better place for all that. And I know what it's like at our age to feel time is running out but better to wait than get into a dysfunctional, distracting relationship.

Byrdlady, I really appreciate your posts and especially your comments about modding as from reading your past posts I think we've probably had a similar experience but I am still working my way to letting go of the hope I can drink sometimes. There is really still part of me that feels that but it's getting weaker. Keep 'em coming

Thanks K9 for the dating advice (Like the new profile pic btw!) You're totally right that if we can have a good time together it can happen sober and will be more 'real' than if I'm pissed. And after a break I'd get more pissed, more quickly, and quite likely lose control. And totally not TMI! That was all interesting.

I had some good realisations actually thinking about this... that it made my booze brain really kick in telling me I'd *have* to drink, because it's one of those situations that previously would seem impossible not to. But if I'm going to learn to live without booze I'm going to have to navigate these situations so I can see it as a learning experience and feel proud. I got some great advice on the thread I started about it too. In short, the reminder that 'normal' drinkers don't obsess about it the way we do and so won't really care if you don't drink. So, if he's a normal drinker he won't care. And if he's not, well, he's not someone I should progress to date 3 with right now anyway! Will totally let you all know how it goes.

Lifechange, I TOTALLY hear you re the feeling like two different people: the resolve one minute, the weak excuse gripping hold the next. Just last night I started trying to justify buying some wine but thankfully didn't. It's not crazy - it's the booze brain. I've done quite a bit of reading now about the addicted mind and it starts to make sense. A part of your brain literally thinks booze is as important as sex, food or sleep. So it will try it's damdest to trick you into drinking.

Ok, I may have to start Library Girl's protocol of not responding individually so much as it does make my posts super long. Thanks for bearing with me guys.

Lilly x

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Hi again Everyone. Got home from work and totally against my intentions came in the house bitching and complaining and yelling. I don't know where it comes from sometimes. So, I put on some shorts and an old tee shirt and went out and mowed the front lawn. My bf said what are you doing, and I said I'm going to mow the lawn! He said, I'll do it in a couple of days! I said, I'm doing it now! LOL. He said well don't ask me to start it for you...and I marched out to the garage hoping that it would start for me, thinking it probably wouldn't, but it did! HAHAHAHA! Ain't you proud of me, K9?:H Don't even ask me about my back yard (garden, for u backward UK folk:H:H)...it's a jungle out there!

Showered and relaxed with a coffee now. I predict it's going to be a nice evening from here on out.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

LG - You make me laugh! I am SOOOO proud of you girl...you go! I just hope he doesn't expect YOU to mow it every time now (?)! You know, all I need is for someone to tell me I can't do something, and I will "march" (like you did) and get it done! Sometimes that plan backfires on me though, but I just can't pretend to be helpless. Look at all of us independent gals! :H

Oh and Lilly, take my dating "advice" with a grain of salt...remember I am 39 and have been single for almost 7 years! HEHE (I say it's by choice, but I haven't tested that theory yet...so maybe it isn't!)

Ok Peeps, this is my last check in of the day. Have a wonderful night everybody!!

K9

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Doing a flyby myself tonight to wish everyone a safe night in the nest

Lav

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

like everyone always says, i am so happy i didn't give in and do something stupid yesterday. today is a brand new day. sometimes everything is so clear.
that cracked me up, too, Library Girl. i sure wish i had a lawn to mow! i did do some gardening yesterday at worki and having my hands in the soil did help to calm me a bit. it was funny--at first i was wearing gloves because i didn't want to have dirt under my nails. it was a gorgeous day but i was anxious and rushing through the work. at some point i realized my mind was on having a drink when i was finished. that would be my normal habit. i was so antsy. then i stopped myself, took a deep breath and took off the gloves. it was this contact between my skin and the earth that calmed me down. that allowed me to get back to basics and the truth. i still had to work on it in the afternoon, but it was prob. easier than it would have been.
so happy to be here and to hear from all of you.

[patricia]

Newbies Nest

Hi everybody, Some excellent posts will be sticking close to boards overnext few days 13af days this month strayed Tuesday and Wednesday so with renewed resolve before sweats and guilt kick in halting immediately people are doing so well. You know it was something good not bad that triggered the thought this time and I wasn't prepared. Hey ho onwards and upwards before things get dismal - have a wonderful day everyone px

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Hey lifechange
What is Earthing?