Newbies Nest

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Hi Kradle....I do believe I have to come to WA and kick some ass for you!!!! WTF....what they did to you was just plain rude! Ya know what....screw them...it's their loss. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise as it will give you some more time to focus on you!!!! I was all ready to ride and the sun went in and it started to rain!!!! Ugh! About 1/2 hour later the sun came out but the horses were wet and it was really muggy out. I don't like to ride them when it's too hot or humid...I mean..I wouldn't want a saddle on me in weather like that. Hmmmm...let me think about that...my bad...that's a whole other thread! LMAO Hopefully the weather will be better tomorrow.

MWO...Good for you!!! I love being able to run to the store after dinner...it's like a whole new world being out and about at night! It's so much better than being stuck in a bottle!

Daisy....so sorry to hear that you slipped but it sounds like it made you stronger with your quit this time! I know that I am a hell of alot stronger this time around. I had the urge to drink earlier today...but then I thought about how I would feel in the morning and I had some iced coffee instead and popped a L-Glut. Looking back now...I am so happy that I didn't cave. I am nearing the end of day 6 and I am looking forward to tomorrow!

LG...Hey girl....have you heard from Rooni? I am worried about her. I know she slipped last Sunday but it's not like her to not post. I have sent her PMs but no response. Congrats on day 42!!!!!!

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

Hi MWO,
I have a question and I hope I can phrase it well and not sound stupid.
Y
My husband doesn't really understand my struggle either but he knows I drink and he knows that it has hurt way more than it has helped me and our marriage.

How have you been able to have a happy marriage and suffer this awful thing? I could never hide it from him. In fairness though I got obnoxious when I drank so of course that didn't help !

I'm just struggling with ALL this especially with my marriage as my husband is someone I met while I was drinking and I am considering that....

Thanks MWO. Hope I don't sound offensive. I'm really just seeking information.

Hugs,

:l

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

No Dest I haven't heard from Rooni. I think she only posted on Monday? if I'm not mistaken. I asked about her a few days ago. I hope she is ok!! Rooniiiiiiiiiiiiiii if you're reading this, please post! We don't care what your situation is, just let us hear from you.:l

Kradle, you and I have more in common...I met my bf when I was drinking too. I was very lonely, and I'm afraid I latched on to the first person to show enough interest to have a relationship. I am constantly unhappy, it seems like. Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow. I don't know. All I know is that I'm mad at the way I'm spending my life and I feel like if I weren't in this relationship, things might get better. At the same time, he did give me lots of support to quit AL, and if we parted, I may not have the strength on my own. I don't know what to do honestly. I feel so confused. I hate even writing about it, because I know I need to figure out my life and my relationship on my own...maybe I'm afraid of the glaringly obvious wrongness of it and don't want anyone else to point it out. Until I do something about it, or it improves, I feel like it makes me look like a complete idiot.:upset:

Wallowing in self-pity...

LG

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

Kradle123;1339791 wrote: Hi MWO,
I have a question and I hope I can phrase it well and not sound stupid.
Y
My husband doesn't really understand my struggle either but he knows I drink and he knows that it has hurt way more than it has helped me and our marriage.

How have you been able to have a happy marriage and suffer this awful thing? I could never hide it from him. In fairness though I got obnoxious when I drank so of course that didn't help !

I'm just struggling with ALL this especially with my marriage as my husband is someone I met while I was drinking and I am considering that....

Thanks MWO. Hope I don't sound offensive. I'm really just seeking information.

Hugs,

:l

Hi Kradle, Hope you are doing well my friend. I wish I knew and had words to understand what you going threw right know. I remember a friend of mine tell me years back to not meet someone at a bar and meet them at church. I should have listened to his advice. When AL is part or what binded you together for the first place there is already some whispering voice in the back of your mind what the relationship is based on. It's only natural for both to wonder when one gets sober or both that they question what there relationship is actually based upon. Than know comes the soul searching and honestly Kradle...and I say this with getting to know you on here and I really like you. It's time for a round table you and the hubby talk it all out thing. Cry...get mad....just be honest. You ask him questions. Let him ask you questions. Lay the cards on the table. Send me a pm if you need to vent out. Alcohol is lying you know what and it twists are minds. We are all here for you!

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

Hey Destiny:

I do love your fighting spirit! And yes, that was rather strange and rude. But she was a bit nose cut off to spite your face becasue I was bringing in a lot of advertising $ for her business as well as new students. I do really belive in her talent and she works well wih the children but after today you can imagine I am somewhat less motivated to help her...

I may however have dodged a real bullet. A few weeks ago, picking up Matt after a class BBQ at her Familys house she was there with the kids drinking from a great big bottle of my favorite Pinot Grecio Wine. I used to buy these all the time at Costco. Even though I'm now A Rum and Tonic Gal, Not sure how I would fare 'Volunteering' around that kind of temptation. So maybe this is a good balance after all. :wow:

Hey LB: We do have that commmon, my friend. Dont know how long you have been with your BF. I have been with my husband for almost 15 years. Seems surreal to even write that...and I made 3 incredible people with him. But we are polar opposites. He is uneducated, often vulgar and hot tempered. Not very verbal, Spam and Potatoe kind of guy. But he is also kind hearted and well intentioned. A gifted musician and amazing builder, great with the kids if sometimes rigid and quik to yell but so I am when they get to be to much.
Im a masters degree, very verbal, love stir fry. I love to write and sing and dance and run and bike. He barely gets off the couch.
Like I said..polar opposites...But somehow, someway we are still here and to be honest I think its for some of the reasons you mentioned LB plus of course the children...
Oh And did I mention- I drink like a fish and he barely touched any alcohol.

I think LB what I want to do is get about a year under my belt (my wonderful counselor actually suggested this today) and then revisit my relationship. I dont think I can make any decisions right now though Im tempted of course. I'm going to try to live a life without AL in the forefront and see what happens. Up until now it"s been Al up front and a BS relationship in the back . I want to try AL in the Back and maybe a neutral even a kind relationship up front...We'll see

Hugs,
:l

And sorry this is way to long

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

I have been with my bf about two years. We are opposites as well. He does not like to read at all, and really I now think doesn't find much of what I say interesting. Nor do I of what he says. His interests lie mainly in playing video games, non stop. Really. I do sometimes play them with him, and in fact, enjoy them sometimes. But, it is not the only thing I find interesting, and that's where we become incompatible.

Not only that, but he has no desire to help around the house. I feel like a constant nag, and a mother picking up after him day after day. Cleaning up the house seems like a huge task because I get no help, and much of it is his doing. Today he went out and mowed the back lawn only to silence me, after a month of it growing out of control...and last time it was mowed I hired someone while he sat in here on his ass. Oh, and he didn't finish, said he did all he could. What a joke. I am fed up, and I'm tired of being angry all the time. Sometimes I'm not sure if I am a terrible angry shrew, or if I have been driven to act like this.

I'm just at my wit's end. I have talked with him about it so many times that he thinks it's a joke when I threaten to end our relationship. He just says, I love you and kisses me and walks away. I can't even go through with it. How pathetic is that. I guess I am more afraid of being alone than I am of this. That's about the sum of it.:upset:

LG

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

GOOD morning nesters!!
day 2 for me in the boot camp.
i HAD to go to a thing last night where alcohol was involved with people i usually drink a lot with.
i made an appearance to support my friend, used the sore throat excuse and was out of there in 30 minutes.
to be honest, it wasn't fun and i couldn't imagine it having been fun without a beer in my hand and several more in my system. i'm at the point right now where i don't think i can have fun with people who are drinking if i'm not. i'm not strong enough in knowing who i am without al. i don't know how to act or what to say. i feel so stiff.
so i am so happy this morning and am one more day into changing my mind set. it is more difficult after trying to moderate.
i think i will be avoiding any drinking situations for the next while.
i am very worried about a trip to rome this week--going with my boyfriend to a wedding of very close friends. we will be there for 5 days and i am trying to think of a realistic and strong game plan. also regarding nutrition. i find, for me, that they go hand in hand.

MWOlady, great going on day 2! and on being able to head out at night.
and really good to see you, Daisy.
thanks for that page in the tool box, Kradle--i'm always looking for good references as i seem to get a bit overwhelmed and lost here. i also really liked the "moderation" thread lillie referenced the other day.

wishing you all a wonderful morning when you finally wake up!! i'm usually lured into fixing myself another coffee reading the "morning" posts from the states. my 3 or 4 pm--its nice, but makes for a long evening!!

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Hi all,

Well, you step away for a couple of days and so much to catch up on in the Nest …

I'm happy to say I made it through the weekend so am now another week AF and feeling good again! Thank you sooo much all for the support on Friday night and thereafter - it made all the difference. I was having a bad wobbly night. But I really did feel so much better the next day. Had a lovely time on my walk. (Didz what a gorgeous city we live in hey?)

AND I'm pretty proud of myself for not drinking Saturday night either. I went to a dinner party at a friend's and there was champagne, scotch, vodka, white wine, red wine and beer on offer. It made me think about all the glamorizing paraphernalia associated with drinking… the lovely stemware, the beautiful crystal decanter for the scotch, the ice bucket for the champagne etc. So hard at those moments to force myself to remember that for me it's more often than not so NOT glamorous. It wasn't easy but I really didn't want to bail out of this one as I did the pub Friday night since it was the birthday of a lovely friend. And, sure, I had my moments, and I left earlier than I might have otherwise, but you know what? I had a great time anyway! Enjoyed the food. Enjoyed the company. Enjoyed going home clear headed to a bath and my book and feeling great this morning.

That said, I do think trigger situations are best avoided in the early days when you're feeling vulnerable and that's why I stayed home Friday night. Whisper I echo the concern about the pub night and am hoping to hear you made it through but won't be surprised if you didn't - no judgement though! - as it just sounded like asking for trouble to me.

For those who've been thinking about friends and 'excuses'. This group of friends has seen me go through not drinking spells before so after a brief 'do you want wine too or no…?' (I brought sparkling water and limes) there was no comment. Honestly I doubt anyone but the host really noticed. Also, on the alcohol allergy note, a lot of people really do have it. I have one friend who can only drink clear spirits and it's very common among Asian people. One friend of ours (Chinese) can't drink at all and he's managed years of socializing around a heavy drinking social circle - I really wonder how now? No wonder he used to take every drug he could get his hands on when we were younger, probably to cope with all his annoyingly drunken friends!

So much to comment on but just a few things…

Kradel, when you talked about other's here feeling so lucid and feeling so confused about it all yourself - I think we ALL feel that! I know I do - often. Lolab's reply to you made me feel better too - that one day the wasted regrets might not be such an issue, as I've been struggling with those feelings a lot lately too. So thanks LL.

Re Bootcamp, I hope we can all get there altogether because that would be great, but I really don't want anyone drinking and then slinking away in shame because of it and not getting support - that would be counterproductive. So, look at it this way, you can become a party-hatted bootcamp winner whenever you make it to 30 days. (But the sooner the better, right?

I am a TOTAL hermit at the moment. Well, it is winter here. I have very little desire to see people and it's a good thing I'm forced to semi-regularly or I'd never leave my apartment. But right now I'm super happy with a lot of time spent reading, cooking, watching DVDs and I'm rediscovering the joys of a book and a bubble bath!

Whisper and Fin - I REALLY hope you both made it through the weekend AF but please don't disappear if you didn't.

Likewise, ROONIE, I had been wondering about you too - come back, come back!

Ok, dinner time for me. Night all.

Lilly

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1339526 wrote: A couple thoughts for the day.
*The past does NOT equal the future.
*Refuse to make self-fulfilling prophesies. (I always fail after 30 days...etc)
*Get a sense of the big picture. (AL is the problem)
*Try to improve the Brain/Body connection: Brain and Body are in a feedback loop.
*Focus on good things...Do something nice for someone else.
*Expect something good (Don't always expect that something bad will happen, change that perception).
*Do not cave in to AL no matter what and no matter who! It's NOT worth it, ask anyone here who did!!!
Hugs, Byrdie

I loved this. Added to my 'MWO Inspiration' file. Thanks once again for sound and inspiring advice B.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Morning all; Kradle, ta, I have read it. No matter what happens, I rarely miss a post - I think it is important to keep aware and continue topping ourselves up with all the info we can get.
Day 2 and am so happy to be back to sober living. After my post last night I checked my lottery numbers and 4 came up - ?46!!!! 2 great things in one day - back on track and lucky money!!!!
Leaving my daughter to her friends now - she is heading off on holiday with her friend's family for a week.
My son left home 3 years ago and my daughter is in Oz for a few months. So just my youngest and myself for a week - feels so strange. I have always been so busy as my children are really close in age; the thing is that it feels like they are leaving the nest at the same time and I wasn't prepared.
I just have to learn how to do things differently now.......mmmm, maybe get myself a life??? haha.

When I married may ex all those years ago, he didn't drink and maybe looking back, that was a sunconcious move on my part. It did mean that I didn't drink much while I was married. I hope LG and Kradle, that you find a way that works for you.....

Have a good day all!!!!

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Hi Daisy! And other newbies to the Nest :welcome:

Hey, who mentioned the 'What Did I Do Last Night' series? I'd love to see this but googled and searched YouTube and couldn't find the actual episodes. Any clues?

[WhispertoaScream]

Newbies Nest

Good morning all = I MADE IT!!!!

La la la!!!

The evening started out with dinner at a friends. I told everyone I was on a cleanse, made a big deal about my pill organizer being too damn small for all my supplements (I took an extra Glutamine and Kudzu with dinner) and they really didn't care. I drank an entire bottle of sparkling water with dinner and felt FULL. I noticed that none of them drank any booze with dinner - not even the Italian sparkling wine that was brought over. Normally I would have brought at least 1 bottle of wine and would have kept it flowing the entire time. Instead I kept my sparkling water over flowing! When I'm new in social situations, I need something physical to do and I think drinking has played a role in keeping my hands busy. What I discovered tonight is that I can still keep my hands busy but with a non-alcoholic drink.

The first bar charged me $2 for a club soda (LAME!) and I kept smelling everyone's drinks and I took a taste (not even a full sip) of some awful cocktail with ginger beer and St. Germaine (how I

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Aww, I've got tears in my eyes after seeing several of you ask about me. And yes, Dest, I got your sweet PM. THANK YOU!! Day 5 here, but still fighting urges in a big way....

I've mentioned this before, but I will say it again. At this point in my life, just about all my friends and socializing involve drinking. I'm single, and I have a very isolated job sitting in a cube all day. I enjoy staying at home - reading, watching movies, etc - but I also crave and desperately NEED human interaction. Sometimes I go to bars by myself and strike up conversations with strangers. I've actually met a lot of interesting people that way. I'd had many a "therapy session" sitting in bars just talking to people and getting a new perspective on life.

Feeling like I have to avoid bars, restaurants, friends, and just about all social situations is very unnerving. I know I'm doing the right thing by not drinking, but damn I'm lonely.

This is usually the point when someone starts suggesting I go to meetups and cooking classes and stuff to meet people. Nope, I can't just up and start going to events like that with the goal of meeting people. Too contrived. Not for me....

So, I keep thinking of the big picture of this quitting drinking thing. People have said over and over again that it's perfectly normal to live like a hermit for a while - avoid those drinking friends and situations no matter what! And yes, I agree 100%, because the last few times I've slipped, it's been the same situation - I get lonely, a drinking buddy calls (or I can them), we meet out, I start drinking, I start feeling good, I drink more, I go home drunk, I wake up hungover, and the cycle continues for about two or three days. Then I wise up and start being an AF hermit again....

I know several of you can relate.

So, I know I just have to get used to living like this for a while until I can feel more comfortable going out. Right now, I have ZERO tolerance, and I am likely to crack and go out drinking at any moment.

In fact, Sundays are the worst. I know, that seems like an odd day to be very tempting, but for some reason, it is. The past three Sundays have been bad for me. By that point, I guess I feel like celebrating that I've had such a great, sober weekend, and I start thinking about getting a little fun in before the work week starts. Two of my drinking buddies always call me on Sunday afternoons to meet up at the bar. We always have a great time - laughing and joking - but then I pay the price.

So today, I'm going ahead and making other plans. I'm going to see a movie at 4pm - either "That's My Boy" or "Rock of Ages." Haven't decided yet. But the main point here is that I need to counteract the inevitable. They will call, and if I'm sitting here bored and lonely with nothing to do, I will surely meet them for drinks.

Not today. Not happening.

Another thing I'm worried about is my upcoming vacation to the beach with my best friend from high school. She drinks, but not to excess. She has a few lite beers, and she calls it a night. Of course, that won't stop me from getting trashed. I have to think about this trip. I've already paid, and she would be alone if I didn't go.

Well, that's another post.

Thanks again, everyone, for the concern. I really did cry when I saw how you were asking about me. I won't leave the nest again - promise!!

LOVE YOU ALL!!:l

[Ellen_h]

Newbies Nest

Hello, I'm new here, this is my first post. I desperately want to go A/F for the 30 days suggested, sounds like a good goal. I really need all the support and suggestions I can get. Thanks

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Ok, just popped back on for a quick look before shutting down and got caught up in reading posts. So much good stuff in the back logs - reading in longterm abstainers tonight - for anyone needing more inspiration.

Firstly, Whisper - WELL DONE! I'm impressed you made it. It IS possible to go out and enjoy such situations sober, though it's so hard in the beginning and can be tempting fate. Good for you and great to hear the pride in your 'voice' and renewed determination.

Awh, Roon?. I'm so sorry you sound sad but so glad to have you back. I can totally understand - being single and living and working on my own myself. It's such a tough one. I felt bad because I *was* about to suggest Meet Ups etc just as I then read 'At this point someone usually?" Sorry But it did strike me if you could strike up those conversations in a bar on your own why not a cafe?

I'm not minimizing. I get it. And it sounds particularly rough for you. A LOT of my social life - and even professional life - revolves around booze but I do have some friends who understand and who I can do booze free things with and that helps a lot - though I'm still more hermetic than usual. I HAVE found I can go out and not drink but it is a challenge and you sound way too vulnerable for that right now.

Can you focus on just 30 days? Just 30 little itty bitty day-by-days where you hang close to here and post a lot and stay home and read a lot and watch a lot of movies and throw yourself into your new exercise routine and know it's not forever? I think your movie idea today is a great choice so good on you! Also, do you have any friends you could level with who might be supportive in doing AF things with you?

In the meantime BIG :l