Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Wow...I can see myself and my journey in every single post in the last 48 hours. The dread of the weekend (that's when I used to begin my first drink at 10:30am and pray I could hold it together all day and not pass out before 8 at night). Here we are on the other side of the weekend, and I think every single person has made it!! I'm so proud everyone!
A couple thoughts....I was hermit during my first 6 months or so. I was...but I wasn't. I didn't go outside, and my yard that I once took such pride in (years ago before my drinking got so bad) had gone to heck. I am now enjoying it again...and spending time outside. It just takes some time to find your own way...IN your own way. Keeping to yourself a bit is fine just as long as you do not drink! That is the key.
Second...there were times that I did go out...and Whisper's pub crawl reminded me. When I went out to even WINE TASTINGS...my resolve was so strong I knew I was ok...I didn't go in with a strategy of HOPING to make it, I went in KNOWING I was not going to drink. Remember, I took the option of drinking off the table on Jan 20, 2011. When I went to these crazy events and once I got thru the first rough edge...it was ok...I was stiff at first...but now I kind of 'act' drunk and I fit in great!! Someone said it the other day that as the night goes on and your friends loosen up, by golly you loosen up too and it's easier to act drunk! (just don't dance!) eheheh.
LB and Kradle...I think that therapists advice was spot on. Give yourself a year AF and reevalute your situation at home. I will tell you with great authority, that it takes 6-9 months to get to know your sober self...and get the cobwebs cleared out, and find the person that you are...and what's important to you. But remember, AL never makes anything better. NOT drinking has not landed you in this situation....(drinking, maybe) You may find that your sober self has outgrown some of your relationships...I know I did. Fortunately, my hubs wasn't one of them. Our love has grown, I am happy to say. But some relationships fell away....and for now, so be it. My sobriety is the most important thing. Without it, all else is secondary. My quit is in the top 3 most important things in my life.
So be good to you right now. If you feel like staying in...stay in. If you need to go out, know that you can do it and not fail. I live at the beach and everyone drinks around here....on the beach, at their houses, at restaurants...that is their business. Not drinking is mine.
Welcome to the newbies and MWO Lady so glad to see you back with us! Lilly has us stepping and fetching with her Boot Camp!!
We are serious about getting sober around here...all you have to do is stretch out a hand and someone will grab it and pull you up. MindPeace today!! Byrdie

[Litre2]

Newbies Nest

Well here I am again, just starting my day 1 AF. Someone told to pick a day and today is the day. It helps that the local LCBO is closed on Sundays. So after today it will get easier, I hope. When I posted about OD, it was medication I was on for depression, and that medication makes one more depressed and with suicial thoughts. Strange how something that is supposed to make you feel better makes you feel worse. I am no longer on that drug and I feel better than I have in a long time. Also I was recently served papers to appear in court, compliments of my sons girlfriend. She accused me of wanting to steal her baby. At my age going on 57, the last thing I want to do is raise a infant. She ended up dropping the stupid suit. So now with that behind me I can get back on the road to sobriety.

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

LibraryGirl;1339808 wrote: I feel like if I weren't in this relationship, things might get better. At the same time, he did give me lots of support to quit AL, and if we parted, I may not have the strength on my own. I don't know what to do honestly. I feel so confused.

LG

Hi LG and everyone. I haven't posted in a while but have been checking in regularly. Relationships are always tricky, and especially so when we are newly sober and everything is so raw, our emotions tend to be even more out of whack then usual. When I talked to my AL counselor about mine, he just said, put your recovery first. And you don't have to make any decisions now. What's the rush? There are reasons we're confused, and when we're confused it's much better to wait until we feel more confident. I too, am sometimes ambivalent about my boyfriend but he has been amazingly supportive AND he has 14 years sober. And we get along really well. So I'm staying put until the universe gives me a damn good reason otherwise. I'm definitely in a better place sober with him than drinking alone with myself.

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters

Good to see everyone back in the Nest and it sounds as though everyone is staying strong this weekend. Monique I think that is definitely good advice you have written about relationships. If confused I do think it is much better to wait until things are more clear cut, and not make hasty decisions you might regret.

Today is 4 calendar months AF for me, so I decided to was time to update my story again, in the story section.

Bye for now - I will drop by again later.

Sausage x
Day 122 AF

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Sausage, really well done on your 4 months!

[Butterbean]

Newbies Nest

Destiniey;1339790 wrote: Hi Kradle....I do believe I have to come to WA and kick some ass for you!!!! WTF....what they did to you was just plain rude! Ya know what....screw them...it's their loss. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise as it will give you some more time to focus on you!!!! I was all ready to ride and the sun went in and it started to rain!!!! Ugh! About 1/2 hour later the sun came out but the horses were wet and it was really muggy out. I don't like to ride them when it's too hot or humid...I mean..I wouldn't want a saddle on me in weather like that. Hmmmm...let me think about that...my bad...that's a whole other thread! LMAO Hopefully the weather will be better tomorrow.

MWO...Good for you!!! I love being able to run to the store after dinner...it's like a whole new world being out and about at night! It's so much better than being stuck in a bottle!

Daisy....so sorry to hear that you slipped but it sounds like it made you stronger with your quit this time! I know that I am a hell of alot stronger this time around. I had the urge to drink earlier today...but then I thought about how I would feel in the morning and I had some iced coffee instead and popped a L-Glut. Looking back now...I am so happy that I didn't cave. I am nearing the end of day 6 and I am looking forward to tomorrow!

LG...Hey girl....have you heard from Rooni? I am worried about her. I know she slipped last Sunday but it's not like her to not post. I have sent her PMs but no response. Congrats on day 42!!!!!!

Destiniey,
Do you find the L-Glut help with the cravings a lot? I am taking the Kudzo and all the other stuff but not that one. I CANNOT get that All One powder down no matter what I mix it in. Uhg! Funny how we can do shots of disgusting tequila but not shots of disgusting vitamins!! LOL!:H

[Butterbean]

Newbies Nest

WhispertoaScream;1339914 wrote: Good morning all = I MADE IT!!!!

La la la!!!

The evening started out with dinner at a friends. I told everyone I was on a cleanse, made a big deal about my pill organizer being too damn small for all my supplements (I took an extra Glutamine and Kudzu with dinner) and they really didn't care. I drank an entire bottle of sparkling water with dinner and felt FULL. I noticed that none of them drank any booze with dinner - not even the Italian sparkling wine that was brought over. Normally I would have brought at least 1 bottle of wine and would have kept it flowing the entire time. Instead I kept my sparkling water over flowing! When I'm new in social situations, I need something physical to do and I think drinking has played a role in keeping my hands busy. What I discovered tonight is that I can still keep my hands busy but with a non-alcoholic drink.

The first bar charged me $2 for a club soda (LAME!) and I kept smelling everyone's drinks and I took a taste (not even a full sip) of some awful cocktail with ginger beer and St. Germaine (how I

[Butterbean]

Newbies Nest

rooniferd;1339975 wrote: Aww, I've got tears in my eyes after seeing several of you ask about me. And yes, Dest, I got your sweet PM. THANK YOU!! Day 5 here, but still fighting urges in a big way....

I've mentioned this before, but I will say it again. At this point in my life, just about all my friends and socializing involve drinking. I'm single, and I have a very isolated job sitting in a cube all day. I enjoy staying at home - reading, watching movies, etc - but I also crave and desperately NEED human interaction. Sometimes I go to bars by myself and strike up conversations with strangers. I've actually met a lot of interesting people that way. I'd had many a "therapy session" sitting in bars just talking to people and getting a new perspective on life.

Feeling like I have to avoid bars, restaurants, friends, and just about all social situations is very unnerving. I know I'm doing the right thing by not drinking, but damn I'm lonely.

This is usually the point when someone starts suggesting I go to meetups and cooking classes and stuff to meet people. Nope, I can't just up and start going to events like that with the goal of meeting people. Too contrived. Not for me....

So, I keep thinking of the big picture of this quitting drinking thing. People have said over and over again that it's perfectly normal to live like a hermit for a while - avoid those drinking friends and situations no matter what! And yes, I agree 100%, because the last few times I've slipped, it's been the same situation - I get lonely, a drinking buddy calls (or I can them), we meet out, I start drinking, I start feeling good, I drink more, I go home drunk, I wake up hungover, and the cycle continues for about two or three days. Then I wise up and start being an AF hermit again....

I know several of you can relate.

So, I know I just have to get used to living like this for a while until I can feel more comfortable going out. Right now, I have ZERO tolerance, and I am likely to crack and go out drinking at any moment.

In fact, Sundays are the worst. I know, that seems like an odd day to be very tempting, but for some reason, it is. The past three Sundays have been bad for me. By that point, I guess I feel like celebrating that I've had such a great, sober weekend, and I start thinking about getting a little fun in before the work week starts. Two of my drinking buddies always call me on Sunday afternoons to meet up at the bar. We always have a great time - laughing and joking - but then I pay the price.

So today, I'm going ahead and making other plans. I'm going to see a movie at 4pm - either "That's My Boy" or "Rock of Ages." Haven't decided yet. But the main point here is that I need to counteract the inevitable. They will call, and if I'm sitting here bored and lonely with nothing to do, I will surely meet them for drinks.

Not today. Not happening.

Another thing I'm worried about is my upcoming vacation to the beach with my best friend from high school. She drinks, but not to excess. She has a few lite beers, and she calls it a night. Of course, that won't stop me from getting trashed. I have to think about this trip. I've already paid, and she would be alone if I didn't go.

Well, that's another post.

Thanks again, everyone, for the concern. I really did cry when I saw how you were asking about me. I won't leave the nest again - promise!!

LOVE YOU ALL!!:l

R,
Have you thought about joining a gym? There are so many gyms that have Zumba, spinning, yoga etc. That is a great way to make friends and a lot of times they go out to dinner afterward etc. I was laughing this morning because I went to a 9am spin class and the class was PACKED! I couldn't help laughing to myself, thinking 'so this is what people without hangovers do on weekend mornings!' The class was so upbeat with loud dance music. I felt elated afterward and stayed after to talk to others from the class. Perfect opportunity to say, 'hey, let's go have breakfast....'

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

Rooni:

I heard That's my Boy is absolutely disgusting but Rock of ages isn't to bad. Tom Cruise...
When I was single I drank and made fricken crappy choices plain and simple. When i dated i drank and made crappy choices. When i got married I drank and made crappy choices...When I had kids I drank and made crappy choices... See a pattern?


What do you do for a living and what was your major in college? I have ot ask what are your interest? Seems like a place to start at least...

Hugs,

:l

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

Hey Rooni:

I just re-read my post to you and it seems to me a bit cold and some what callous and I really apologise. I'm pretty tired and cranky this afternoon. Not that that makes it OKA.Y...I cleaned all day, chased children and took my meds...I also want to drink but am on day seven. I am sorry though. Really. I know it's bloody hard !

:sorry:

Bryd: You have the most amazing insightful posts. Getting AL out of our lives most definately does come first.!! Plain and simple.

I saw this interview about 2 years ago with Tom Arnold- the ex husband of Roseanne Arnold. Well it turns out he had a series problem as well. So the interviewer asked him at the end of the inerview if he coud tell us, after all he had been thru, the money, the marriages, the fame, the infamy, what he cherished most now in his life and without even a blink he said it was his sobriety, that without THAT (and he kept jabbing his fingr down on the table for emphasis!) he had absolutely nothing else. Nothing else mattered for him, not his new wife, his career, his fame nothing becasue everything would be lost to him; he would loose it all if he drank

He also said it was the one thing he woud protect above all else. Infact he said this so vehemenly (because frankly the interviewer looked a little shocked) that I thought Tom Arnold would punch anyone who challenged him on this ( including the interviewer) in the face. You could see he absolutely meant it. It was a bit chilling but also eye opening. Tom Arnold turned out to be a very thoughtful well put together man. I was impressed.
Anyway, Thanks for all those posts.

My husband is pressure washing the Deck. It must be love! :h

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Butterbean and Kradle, you're very sweet to care. Butter - no offense (because I know you are trying to help), but I really don't want suggestions of how to be social. I think I mentioned that in my post :-). Yes, I am a member of a gym, and at 9am, I am working, not at the gym.

Kradle - Masters degree in Technical Communication. I write software documentation at IBM.

Sorry, I'm a little ill tonight. I don't need advice on learning about AF events and activities. I need to learn to want to do those things - how to fit in at those things - because right now, anything fun equates to drinking - at least in my head.

Thanks guys, I know you are trying to help, but telling me to join a gym or go to a meetup group is so far from what I need right now...

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

I'm sorry for my last post. Damn I'm in a bad mood tonight. I appreciate all the sweet words. You guys are wonderful and full of wisdom. I won't be so grumpy tomorrow, promise. Love you all.

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

I hear ya Rooni. It's not that any of us are so dense we don't realize there are other activities we could do besides AL ones, it's just always been the lame ones, lol. At least that was our way of thinking. I still feel the same way, Roon, so you're not alone. I found that talking to people online was the easiest way to meet someone AND get to know them, without having to find the "right" place to go.

However, I'm no one to go to for advice on dating, lol. If I hadn't made that clear.

LG

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Hey everyone...I wanted to post earlier but I was too friggin cranky....but after reading some of these posts I guess I could have! Ha! I was just having one of those wanting to crawl under a rock kinda of days. Plus I realized that my husband is much more interesting when I drank.....dear God....talking to him is like talking to a brick wall!!!! I came on here this morning and read some posts (it made my day to see that you were OK Rooni) and then my neighbor invited my husband and I to go to brunch at a restaurant where my daughter works. I wasn't going to go but I am glad that I did because I had a really nice time...plus it was fun to surprise my daughter!!!!! When I came home I switched into my riding clothes and headed out to the barn. It was sooooooo hot and humid that I could'nt justify riding them. Totally pissed I marched inside the house...had some iced coffee and M&Ms...like that's good for my ass....and waited til it was time to go out to dinner for my grandfathers 93rd birthday. Soooo...on a day where all I wanted to do was be alone and ride...I did everything else but! I hate myself for sounding so selfish but it's the truth. But even a bad day is good when you can lay in bed and say 'I didn't drink today." It's after midnight...so I am officially on day 8.

Whisper and Fin....I am sooooo proud of you...you both crossed over a huge hurdle.....well done!

BB...I swear by the L-Glut!!!!! It works really well and there are NO side effects....its safe and it helps heal any damage done to our stomachs. I carry it with me at all times!

Kradle!!!!! How the hell did you get so lucky to have your hubby power washing the deck!!!!! Thanks for the story about Tom Arnold..I didn't realize he had a problem....I will have to check out that interview. Have you ever seen the show "My Big Redneck Wedding" or "My Big Redneck Vacation"...he hosts both of them and they are really funny!

Rooni....hugs to you!!!! So happy to have you back! It's so weird how we can become so attached to people we have never met....but I feel like I have known you forever! I know you are going through a tough time trying to adjust to a life AF....lord knows I am too. I have been drinking since I was 19....am I going to be a different person after I am AF for a period of time???? So many questions but I guess I will just cross those bridges when I get to them.....baby steps! We all have to find ourselves in our own time and in our own way. Please know that I am here to help you as you have helped me so much! Together we can get through this!

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Litre...so glad to see you back. I am so happy that she dropped the case. You have definitely been under alot of stress and just coming back on here and posting shows how strong you are! Keep on keeping on!!!!!!