Newbies Nest

[Elvis]

Newbies Nest

Today is Day 1 for me again. I was doing really well, up to Day 27 then I had a slip that lasted on and off over 6 days. There were some rough times and there were some uncomfortable times, but there was also some AF time, and there also was knowledge gained.

I do feel bad for starting over at Day 1, but I do feel like I am winning this battle. It doesn't feel like a Day 1, and I do feel good for stopping when I did. I would hardly even count yesterday, but I did finish off the last little bit left in the bottle . It did nothing for me, I should have poured. Well, I never should have bought the bottle to begin with, but that's another story.

The longer I stick with it, the easier it becomes to say no, and the easier it becomes to identify situations that I need to be careful and extra vigilent. Thanks for being here and as always thanks for listening!

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Newbies Nest

GWAWKY MAE my friends! So many posts to respond to and not enough time. Hubby dropped in for a brief weekend and is off again this afternoon. So busy handling the mundane 'details' of life (shopping, bills, laundry, etc), but it still was . . .peaceful? content? As I said before, my IBS has diminished (Irritable B*tch Syndrome, as hubby aptly named the disorder). We did book trip to see our daughter on the other side of the earth; the flights/layovers are a bear, but we get to spend time with them. I have some regrets - fat, sick, can't really be in the sun, wine at dinner - it will be high summer there - trying to focus on the joy of being with them rather than my ailments/woes/shortcomings. My 'summer' clothes are too small. I have gained 20 lbs and by what is going on with my body lately - I know that I either have pre-diabetes or diabetes; tests tomorrow. Totally self-inflicted. No self control with eating, craving junk, and feeling too tired/achy to move my big body more than walking a few miles. I'll stop the pity party. I have to take control of myself . . . and I'm just not doing it. ENOUGH!
ICAN and Elvis - I wish I had something brilliant to say, other than thank you for coming back and sticking with it. I hope when my time comes, I will have the same vigilance and grace. This is my 5th Monday without a hangover. Some days I feel really great, some days, not so much. Kind of bipolar!

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Nearly at my witching hour. Much harder today than yesterday, DH left for work at 2pm so I'm home with the kids alone and it's cold, rainy and miserable. All big triggers! I have more sparkling water, apple juice, ginger beer, NA red and NA bubbly so I think I have enough ... anyone walking into my kitchen and seeing all these bottles would think I was, well, an alcoholic :H

Had fun at the pool this morning though, DH came too so I got to have a proper swim myself. Usually I'm on my own with both children so I don't get to go off on my own.

Available - I'm glad the wedding went well, but sorry your mum gave you a hard time. Onwards and upwards!

Elvis - you're right, I think it does become different over time. Because I've been on and off for the past couple of years, I feel like I'm more prepared now compared to when I first started. I know what to expect more, what my triggers are, to have a plan in place if I know something is likely to set me off - whereas before I would just hope I would be ok. I still don't like to think about 'forever' as it does freak me out. But I am generally in a much better place than 2 years ago. At least you know that you can go 27 days and next time you'll be prepared for it x

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

And excellent going Broken Halo!

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

Yeah, to 30 days Broken! This is something I have been trying to scan the forums for. Milestones.

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

Happy 30 BH!!!!!
Thanks for all encouragement everyone .... I'm right back in the game because I feel fantastic w/o
Alcohol

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

GWAWK, Nesters and Happy Monday. Thanking all veterans who have served us and their countries.

It is a school holiday here and since I work at a school I have today off as do my kids. I am actually looking forward to having some time to sort out some stuff, clean house and just relax. I will be doing some work later but it is fun work so I'm ok with it. My sinuses still are making me feel hungover when I wake up, but once I get up I realize the difference - the headache and dizziness but none of the brain fog. Really much better.

Broken Halo - congratulations on 30 plus plus plus days. I feel like counting and striving for consecutive days is important for me especially now, but I also don't think it diminishes what you've done over the last hundreds of days. Congratulations for coming back so quickly and thanks for all of your wise support here. That hat looks lovely on you.

J-Vo, enjoy your mornings off. I hope your parent conferences go well - I really like parent conferences as a parent, but I know they can be stressful for the teachers. Because I work in high school, we don't have parent conferences.

Dave - do you make your own scones? I've never been a baker but now that Lav has inspired me to try some gluten free baking, breakfast treats may be the first thing I tackle...

BBD - you sound great. I love time without the kids to just be an adult for a minute or two.

Elvis and I Can, welcome back. You both sound strong and ready to go.

Available - I'm glad the wedding went well. I hope that in addition to stressing about the planning you were able to enjoy yourself. I'm jealous of the Bali trip - I've always wanted to go...

Willow - funny to hear about your witching hour as I am just waking up. Sounds like you have a solid plan full of many intriguing beverages. Keep strong.

No Sugar - thanks for the support. I have been lurking since you were new (a LONG time) and have loved following your journey.

Some Dumbass - I hope you're ok. Check in?

Have a great Monday everyone. Sorry for those of you I missed. Starting Day 9 and feeling good.

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

Good Monday Morning to my AF Peeps!!! And I second on the "thank you to all the vets out there who have serve for our country!"

Day 8 for me...I am kind of out of the loop to see whats going on here in the nest. I haven't checked in all weekend. I have been on the down low...Saturday was kind of rough for me because it was my HB birthday and we always go out for his birthday...this birthday was different. We went to church with his parents and out for pizza then we came home and I told him to go out with his buddies. I said it was too early for me to be at the bars and I knew if I went I would have ended up drinking. I quit the AB back on Thursday, I was to scared to keep taking it because of the horrible episode I had Sunday night but I am now on Topamax...I feel like such a crazy person that has been through some kind of crazy trauma with all the meds I am on...Prozac, Wellbutrin, and Topamax...Anxiety, depression, alcoholism...it seems to be working pretty well but ever since I started taking the topamax I can't drink soda pop....tastes like carbonated shit....no more diet coke for me...yuck...makes me wonder what a beer would taste like...don't worry...I'm not going to find out. Anyway, he woke up feeling like total shit and I got up and went to the gym and felt GREAT! it was kind of awesome!!!

[Myluck]

Newbies Nest

Honeysoup - great job on Saturday resisting the urge. Avoiding places like bars or other places should help, I am trying to stay away from those.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Honeysoup, I'm not sure I understood your post...you stopped taking the AB because of your previous episode....I get that, but the point of AB is to keep you FROM drinking...why did you stop taking it? Because you planned to drink, or thought you might? If you take it, like K9 has pounded into our heads, it takes the option off the table. Topamax doesn't do that if what I read on the boards is correct. The only way to stop this cycle is to stop the cycle and if we leave a door open, we're going to go thru it. Am I reading this wrong? You were leaving the door open? Byrdie

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady - Thank you for your concern - I stopped taking the AB because of all of the side effects...it makes me very tired, extreme headaches, and give me an aweful feeling in my stomach. What happened on last Sunday was an eye opener...I understand I am taking a risk but I work full time and I also am taking 12 credit hours a term to get my bachelors degree and have three kids to look after, plus fighting alcoholism. I need to be alert and aware. So I am taking that risk and trying Topamax...it is to help with the cravings. And since I am past the 3 day mark and I more sure than ever that I need to take this serious I am willing to give this a try. I hope you can be supportive of my decision.

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Newbies Nest

Honeysoup;1583827 wrote: I quit the AB back on Thursday, I was to scared to keep taking it because of the horrible episode I had Sunday night but I am now on Topamax...I feel like such a crazy person that has been through some kind of crazy trauma with all the meds I am on...Prozac, Wellbutrin, and Topamax...Anxiety, depression, alcoholism...!

Honeysoup - is your doctor Conrad Murray????!!! Sorry to be sarcastic, but are you seeing ONE doctor that is managing all these meds? You know how serious your reaction was when you drank on AB - I'm very worried about you. You are in a very fragile place (we all are) and I think you said you were apprehensive of your resolve. I know you are not drinking and do not want to. I'm so worried that if you have a slip on all those meds you can do some serious damage. Sorry to reflect my own anxieties onto you - just concerned and wanting you to be safe. You do have SOOOO much going on in your life. Please come on the boards as often as you can and tell us how you are feeling, what you are thinking and how it is going. There is alot on your plate - let us help.

Take care of yourself or all the things you are trying to juggle won't matter.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Honeysoup....I AM supportive of your decisions, but as an outside observer of others in the same boat as I am, here's what jumps out at me. THIS IS JUST AS A BYSTANDER, but I tell you, I've been a student of our (ALKIE'S) behavior for quite a while now and I see a couple things.

You stopped taking AB on Thursday. You also hadn't checked in here over the weekend. In my book of 'Good and Bad signs' this is a bad sign, wouldn't you agree? Distancing yourself from your support system is not good in the very early days, which you are in. I don't mean to upset you, but just asking if you might be setting yourself up here. I, myself, took Welbutrin and suffered from anxiety and depression and Alcoholism, but I found once I got rid of the AL, the other stuff went away, too. I work full time and travel for work and try to keep a household running.....but I ALWAYS check in here!

Alcoholism is a damnable disease. It makes us see black when we clearly know it's white. You have had the AB for about a year, right? I haven't reviewed all your posts, but it seemed to work in the past....until you stopped taking it. Then you stopped checking in here. I was just seeing a trend. I didn't want you to come back in the despair that you did last time.

I'm sure you will find what works best for you....Byrdie

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

OK - ImInControl - very funny - I seriously had to look up Conrad Murray...lol. I really do appreciate the concern, but ya'll are kind of freaking me out now. I do have a lot on my plate and I have a story behind it as I'm sure most of us do...we didn't get here because we want to be...hey at least I am reaching out to try and get some help. I know I have been here several times but at least I am still fighting and I keep coming back. Maybe I should stay on the AB but I just don't like it, maybe bc it is that I will have another relapse but you know what maybe just maybe I WON'T. Right now, I'm just doing the best I can and not drinking TODAY!

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

I'm sorry I didn't check in over the weekend...I don't check in much when I am at home...too much going on Friday...went shopping after work and went to bed at 8:00 Saturday woke up and fought with my HB most of the day...went to the gym..went to church...went out for pizza and I stayed home and went to bed while he went out to the bars...Sunday...went to the gym...grocery store...played with my kids...did a bunch of laundry...why do I feel like I am being drilled???