Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Well - I'm glad a few people showed up here today

Jane, remember your are in the process of building a new life. You can't expect instant results although we would really love that. What are you doing to make changes in your life besides not drinking? Do you have old hobbies or favorite things that went by the wayside while you were not paying attention? Maybe you can resurrect some of those interests or try something completely new? Learn a new language, a musical instrument, cooking class, painting - anything. You are responsible for directing your new path, make it something you love & are passionate about.

Welcome back StuckinLA.

Ava, I imagine you are on your way home by now, be safe.

Pav, welcome back from the wilderness!

Greetings to everyone, sending wishes for a safe night in the nest for all!!!

Lav

[frances]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone - still hanging around and reading. Not feeling too much like posting lately. Tired tonight. I am starting to get a little worried about Easter. I need to get a plan in place now. We are having a group of family and friends over for dinner - I'm really looking forward to it. I don't want to drink. I need to remember that, and not do it. If only one, why not none! If only one day why not no days! What will it get me? Nothing. What will it take from me? A lot!

[frances]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone - still hanging around and reading. Not feeling too much like posting lately. Tired tonight. I am starting to get a little worried about Easter. I need to get a plan in place now. We are having a group of family and friends over for dinner - I'm really looking forward to it. I don't want to drink. I need to remember that, and not do it. If only one, why not none! If only one day why not no days! What will it get me? Nothing. What will it take from me? A lot!

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

frances sounds like u have a plan and know what u need to do for YOU!!!

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Hiya Nesters'!

Just checking in and absolutely delighted to be slightly outnumbered by females!

Wishing all a safe, sober and magical easter weekend. Stay positive.

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

Hi folks - Frances, it sounds like we have similar challenges and fears - thank you for your post a few days ago, along with LaVande, Available and others!

Jane, a belated congratulations on 100 days - what an amazing achievement!

I got through my night with my night out with the high maintenance friend. I had 2 alcohol-free beers, and they actually tasted good, but I've never been a beer-drinker, so probably why I didn't miss booze. They just went well with spicy Mexican food.

Take care all and sweet dreams :happyheart:

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Everyone:

I was reading around the Crying Out Now blog (from the women who do the Bubble Hour podcast?), and someone wrote more about grieving the loss of alcohol. I think it nicely compliments the words of our famous Byrdie:

Heartbreak. Grief. And fear.

I grieved and was heartbroken over the loss of alcohol. I grieved the loss of who I was when drinking actually did work. I grieved the fact that I now identified with a group of people that at one time I judged—at one time I swore I wasn’t one of them. I grieved that I would have to work hard at recovery—because just abstaining from alcohol wasn’t going to be enough for me. I grieved the loss of a part of me.

I feared facing my life without a means to numb and hide from the hard times. I feared that alcoholism really was something that was out of my control. I feared that for me, there would be no turning back once I knew for sure and admitted that I was a true alcoholic.

All of this isn’t to say that there isn’t so much to be gained from sobriety. I have a beautiful, sober life now. But, I write this post for anyone who might think that their feelings of grief and sadness are wrong. You need to feel what you feel. And if you feel grief about getting sober that’s okay. I’ve been one to over-think almost everything and this is one of them. I’ve made up that it has to mean something if I feel sad about it all. Am I headed for relapse? Shouldn’t I always feel happy now that I’m sober? Fear and grief are real feelings that we all feel. In my experience, having a spiritual connection has greatly reduced these feelings and I still turn to that connection every time I feel fear and grief come up. But, I remember in early sobriety, they were quite common feelings.

So if you’re in those early days please believe me that all of your feelings are normal.

And that it does get better.

I DO think I am grieving that fun me that I think I lost (but is really here, just under a few layers). It took me a while to realize WHY I would be sad to be sober, but I think she said it well. I am happy to be sober, too. Very happy, and I never want to go back to where I was. I am just sometimes confused not to be jumping for joy at every turn. I might be in that fake it stage as well (just over four months...)

Way to go, Pepper. Hi, Frances - you've been very supportive around the threads. I have found that posting and trying to help others has been helpful to me as well.

G, good to see you in the nest - a little more XY to all of these XXs. I'm sure Rahul and Petrel are happy to see you!

OK, folks. Off to bed, too. Good night.

Pav

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1650291 wrote: Miss Jane, I hit a real FLAT spot around 4 months (remember, it took me longer to get to these things than my contemporaries). I just had to put into place the strategy, FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT. I felt as if I were just going thru the motions....'is THIS all there is?' I'm here to tell you, this is all part of it. In retrospect, I think you are passing thru the NORMAL stages of grief. Yes, grief. We have just lost a very important relationship, and I think you are in the depression stage of it. The good news? The next stage is ACCEPTANCE and let me tell you, this is the place to be! I pulled out this post from the archives, maybe it'll help get you connected again. There are many phases in this journey, just ride them out and you will be so glad you did. Feeling normal is such a wonderful thing....and it's right around the corner!!

Here's the post about the stages of grief:


Joe, I will ask my friend, NoSugar, to come by and share some of the science behind the sugar cravings you are having. This is normal. So many people on here swear by the L-Glutamine supplements (GNC) to help with that.
I posted something yesterday on another thread about the person feeling 'flat' around this same time.
If you think about it....we are really in grief over losing such a major relationship in our lives. AL was becoming the #1 relationship we were having....to the exclusion of our spouses, and family and our jobs!! It will not quit until it takes everything...as you know. So divorcing it is tough. The first stage of grief is anger. That's prolly when you came here....feeling like "I've just HAD it!" "I can't live like this" "I'll be damned if I'll be led around by a bottle". This is followed by denial. "maybe I'm not so bad after all!" "There are people on this site far worse than I am and THEY are doing fine". "If I can stop for a few days or even a month, that proves right there I don't have a problem!!" . The next stage of grief is bargaining. "Maybe if I just drink on weekends that will do the trick, that way I can be sober all thru the week for my job and such, and unwind on the weekends!" "I think I've got a handle on this now, I'm more aware of the problem....I WILL MODERATE." " If I just limit myself to a couple drinks at a time, and not every night, it'll be a win-win!" This stage is followed by Depression. This usually hits right around where you are now.... it's a period of "now what?" Is this all there is? I've proven I can do this, now what is the point? The euphoria of being amazed THAT we can do it is now replaced with a 'so what' attitude. We don't know what to do with ourselves. This is where an awful lot of growth happens. I think our emotional selves catch up to our chronological selves. When we start abusing AL I think our emotional growth stops. We learn a new set of coping skills (escape from our problems instead of facing them). Depression takes some time to get thru, but once you are on the other side, it's like stepping out of a world of black and white into a world of COLOR!! The final stage of grief is ACCEPTANCE. While it sounds like you are throwing in the towel, this is actually the very best place to be. The voices in your head accept that you can't drink like a normal person ever again. That ship has sailed. Once you cross that line into addiction there is no rewiring that. NoSugar explained it's like riding a bike...your mind will take you exactly back to that bad place and worse. Once you accept that you are an ALK, and you take responsibility for it, the space in your head will be a much simpler and more peaceful place to live. Take the CHOICE of drinking off the table for good, and you will find peace. There is no going back for us. I've been on this site now for almost 4 years, I have NEVER SEEN A CASE WHERE IT WORKED! Never! And I've looked! I want it to work!! But here's the good news! Once you get some good distance between you and AL you will see that you don't need AL at all, and you'll wonder why you were so obsessed with it at all. You will not having that longing to go back. I sure don't. This takes time. So please give Time, time. Please try to get it out of your head that you will be able to go back. This is the hardest thing to give up (hope is a killer here). In your drinking career, have you EVER been able to control it? Doesn't it always just get worse? This is a progressive disease...and one drink keeps it going.
I didn't listen to anyone about this, and it wasn't until my husband of nearly 25 years packed his clothes and left that night. Don't let it get to that for you!
You know in your heart of hearts what must be done!! Don't go backwards, only forward!!! XXOO, Byrdie
Wonderful read! Thank you Byrdie and NS! :-)

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

MAE Nesters!



I really hope that a few days from work gives everybody the time to recharge their batteries. What keeps me going when I have a down day or four is that everybody feels down from time to time, and that I now deal with it in a much more positive way and not by drowning my sorrows. It's a much more difficult way of dealing with things, but so much more rewarding.

Have a look at this - it's another Marc and Angel blog; they always have something that really speaks to me: 30 Challenges for 30 Days of Growth

It's a lovely day in my part of the Nest; I'm going to go up the mountain that I can see from my kitchen window later this morning. Sounds like a good day out, doesn't it? Hope to add a few birds to my life list, and get pics of the village.

Have a great AF day, everybody - and much happiness and serenity to all!

[Moonchild67]

Newbies Nest

Hi all, thought I'd check in here after finally posting after a few years of lurking on this site.
I'm still numb from my recent incident ( cheated whilst drunk on hubbie of 20 years) and then drank again last nite after vowing to myself that this was quite obviously my bottom. I've not really tried to give up al before, although on every waking day I vow to myself ( and at the time mean it!) that today is the day I quit. This recent situation has really really scared me as it's just not something I would ever ever dream of doing sober and it frightens me that al can change me so much.
I seriously need help as I can see my drinking patterns progressing and seem powerless to stop.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Cloudy in my portion of the nest, hoping the sun will make an appearance sometime today.

Hello & welcome Moonchild, glad you decided to join us!
You're absolutely right about AL, once we drink we give away our power & anything can happen.
Stopping the craziness right now is the best choice you can make!!!!
Take a look in our https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html for lots of great ideas to help you put your plan together. A good plan & a strong commitment will take you far

Jane, I hope you are feeling more positive today. I try to not dwell in my head......too much thinking always got me into trouble. Staying busy is always best

Wishing everyone a good AF Friday!

Lav

[3June2013]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning and a Happy Easter or Happy Passover to those who celebrate. I am not here often these days, but I haven't forgotten why I am where I am today. Almost a year ago I stumbled across this site while looking for yet another "Do you have a drinking problem" survey in hopes of finding one that would say what I wanted to hear.

Moonchild, believe me, you can change your life today. You will go through some fear, some resistance, some denial, some embarrassment, perhaps some pain, but in the end living a life without AL is a gift no one else can give you. It is up to you. It all starts with the first day. Getting through that 24 hours, then 48 hours and once it has left your system your body will be so happy. Then it's getting your mind to accept the changes too. Changing up your routines, maybe avoiding some social situations for a while, stay away from obvious triggers. It's scary to think of life without a crutch, but you'll find healthier methods of coping. I go to yoga 4-5 times a week, play the piano, take long walks, bike rides, those are my outlets. I have never felt healthier in my life. I am 55, I only wish I'd done it sooner!

We are here to help. But you need to see the reality of this and act on it.

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

Moonchild - collectively on this site, there have been a million mornings of waking up and promising ourselves that "today is the day" to stop. If I'd known how truly possible it is to get to that one day of my thousands when stopping became a reality, I'd have done this a thousand mornings ago.

You can make this that day for your life. The fear and anxiety of getting through the first day is what stopped me for years, especially the fear of D.T's. But isn't the fear of losing control again just as terrifying?

I think lots of us would characterize our personalities as addictive, so what helped me a TON was the supplements. Get yourself to a health store and pick up Kudzo and L-Glutamine. Besides actually helping with the cravings and calming down the nervous system, I think there's an effect on our addicted subconscious brain -- it's being told that there's something going into our bodies that will help us get through those first hard days.

Here's the link to the schedule for taking supps: http://www.mywayout.org/supps/update.pdf

You can make this your morning to stop!! :l

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!
I'm officially off today! I did work for a little while this morning, but it's not so bad when you do it voluntarily!
Moon...every single one of us was afraid, too. I didn't know WHAT I was going to do with myself without my crutch, AL. I felt alone, useless and afraid. It was my ENHANCER, my COURAGE, my ESCAPE! What would I do without it? The answer is, I have been thriving without it. I let the FEAR of quitting get in the way for so many years. My real fear SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOT quitting! There're no 2 ways about it, that first day is a bear, but we get thru it a little chunk at a time....there is NO greater feeling than getting that behind you! Make THIS that day!! Get it over with and the rest will fall into place. We are here to tell you, a little discomfort won't kill you, but staying on this path will. Don't listen to all the reasons your mind is telling you not to, listen to the voices that are telling you this has to stop. NOW. TODAY. You can do it.

I want to go find a post from the Tool Box about Addict thinking......it is very good and brings us back around to why we found this place to begin with. WE ALL have problems with AL....if we didn't, we wouldn't have googled it, joined this site and you wouldn't be reading this. But there IS a way out! Stop BS'ing yourself that your problem isn't that bad! If you are here, it is THAT bad. Take our hand and get yourself out of the pit. You do NOT have to have AL to live, have fun, be social or enjoy life. WE are living proof...Get it out, you will never be sorry! I have had NO regrets in getting sober, I just wish I had done it 20 years ago instead of waiting and drifting thru life all numbed up. I waited until it GOT that bad, and then it got worse. Be smart about this instead of waiting. Don't let AL take another precious day of your life. Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Yay, I found it....

Originally Posted by Sober Visitor

JUNKIE THINKING: One drink won't hurt.
RESPONSE: One drink will always hurt me, and it always will because I'm not a social drinker. One sip and I'll be drinking compulsively again.

JUNKIE THINKING: I only want one.
RESPONSE: I have never wanted only one. In fact, I want 5 or 10 or 15 every day. I want them all.

JUNKIE THINKING: I?ll just be a social drinker.
RESPONSE: I?m a chronic, compulsive drinker, and once I drink one I?ll quickly be thinking about the next one. Social drinkers can take it or leave it. That?s not me.

JUNKIE THINKING: I'm doing so well, one won't hurt me now.
RESPONSE: The only reason I'm doing so well is because I haven't taken the first one. Yet once I do, I won't be doing well anymore, I'll be drinking again.

JUNKIE THINKING: I'll just stop again.
RESPONSE: Sounds easy, but who am I trying to kid? Look how long it took me to stop this time? And once I start, how long will it take before I get sick enough to face withdrawal again? In fact, when I'm back in the grip of compulsion, what guarantee do I have that I'll ever be able to stop again?

JUNKIE THINKING: If I slip, I'll keep trying.
RESPONSE: If I think I can get away with one little "slip" now, I'll think I can get away with another little slip later on.

JUNKIE THINKING: I need one to get me through this withdrawal.
RESPONSE: Drinking will not get me through the discomfort of not drinking. It will only get me back to drinking. One sip stops the process of withdrawal and I'll have to go through it all over again.

JUNKIE THINKING: I miss drinking right now.
RESPONSE: Of course I miss something I've been doing every day for most of my life. But do I miss the pain of drinking right now? Do I miss the worry, the embarrassment? I'd rather be an ex-drinker with an occasional desire to drink, than a drinker with a constant desire to stop doing it.

JUNKIE THINKING: I really need to drink now. I'm so upset.
RESPONSE: Drinking is not going to fix anything. I'll still be upset; I'll just be an upset drunk. I never have to have a drink. Drinking alcohol is not a need, it's a want. Once the crisis is over, I'll be relieved and grateful I'm still not drinking.

JUNKIE THINKING: I don't care.
RESPONSE: WHAT IS IT EXACTLY THAT I THINK I DON'T CARE ABOUT? Can I truthfully say I don't care about my pain? I don't care about having a hangover in the morning? I don't care about what I'm doing to my liver, lungs, kidney, and heart? I don?t care about all the people I?ve hurt. No, I care about these things very much. That's why I stopped drinking in the first place.

JUNKIE THINKING: What difference does it make, anyway?
RESPONSE: It makes a difference in the way I live, the way my heart beats, the way I feel about myself. It makes a tremendous difference in every aspect of my physical and emotional health.