Newbies Nest

[Darkest Diamond]

Newbies Nest

Hopefulness

Hi Nesters,
Today I am one month sober, I feel thrilled and relieved about this and know that this is the way forward for the rest of my life. It has been the most difficult month of my life as during this time I was diagnosed as having breast cancer, also I got a severe chest infection and then a bladder infection!! ( I am now over both of those) I am still peeing every hour but that is , according to doctor, down to anxiety and will go.

On the first of May I woke up vomiting and feeling wretched, I knew that was the end of my drinking , I had a very strong feeling of "This is it, this is the end!"

During the last month as part of my cancer treatment I have had lots of blood tests, I always ask for a print out and it is lovely to see improvement, now they are all in normal ranges, no liver damage or malfunction!! Some were dodgy at first but one month AF has brought them all to good levels.

The joy of this month has been that even in the darkest times I have not wanted to drink as I can see how it would wreck my clarity of thought, damage my health and kill me (either quickly or slowly). When I get better from breast cancer I will stay AF forever.

This month has been frightening, I am scared of what lies ahead.... the surgery and the possible chemotherapy. I have got very stressed over change of dates for my main surgery. I am scared of the general anaesthetic and the surgery itself and staying in hospital, I have never stayed in hospital before.

What has been wonderful is the love and support that I have received from my friends and family and also colleagues at work. It has really helped me. Looking back now I can see how before I became AF how messed up my life was.... I totally kept up with things on the work front but in every other way I was a slave to alcohol. In between all my hospital appointments etc I have started to rebuild my life, have sorted out my home, garden, spiritual self, spent time with friends (I never realised how much alcohol had isolated me). I now feel closer to everything..... nature, cats, dogs and people! I have rediscovered the joy of reading and also delight in going for long walks.

The bottom line for me is that I will not drink, whatever happens I will be AF. If ever I feel the urge I have a support network... here, AA, friends and family and God!!

Thanks to all for support, every day I read in the nest and on several other threads too, it helps me to stay grounded, also inspires me, there is strength in knowing that there are others on this wonderful AF journey xxx

[available]

Newbies Nest

DD what a lovely, heartfelt and inspiring post. You deserve all the best in life and i am sure in time it will all be yours. Congratulations on your 30 days, you have shown that it can be done after stops and starts you are af.

[patrice]

Newbies Nest

Hi DD,
I agree with Ava .. What a great post and how inspiring that you are so strong !
All the best
X
Patrice

[frances]

Newbies Nest

Beautiful post DD!

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

available;1666557 wrote: You will get to where you want to be Juj, ring your therapist and talk to her and keep coming on mwo, dont run away now. We are here for you. You are being honest and accountable, they are sure signs of a woman determined to get rid of al. You are achieving af days which you did not have and tomorrow is another day. Please post on here before going to get al, i realise that is easier said than done as if we have it in our head that we want al, nothing or nobody will stop us, we will not see reason but you will get over that by being here.

hugs to you xx

First of all, congrats, DD, and thanks for the uplifting post on AF. We are here for you in all ways. Please keep us informed of your progress.

AV, I won't run away. I'm here to stay.

Someone (Byrdie) noted that we needed to come here and talk about what made us drink, so I'm going for it, as best I can:

I had been busy all day, doing things I had wanted to do, and keeping my mind off my husband. I got tired, couldn't continue working, but didn't want to think, either. I panicked. I had a long evening ahead of me, and couldn't. settle. down. I couldn't sit still. So, I "ran," and running led me to al, which I didn't really want.

So, what do I do next time this happens, when I'm nervous, scared, and can't sit still?

Suggestions, please, as I'll get like that again today. I won't drink, though--ugh, so I please help me figure it out. Nervous energy/too tired to sit still/scared to have down time.

Congratulations on the 5 months, av. That is huge.

The rest of us can do it, too.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Juja

During the first couple months, I read many different threads here. Reading about people trying to do the same thing I was really helped. For real inspiration, choose some early pages from this thread and you'll see that people who are doing well now struggled just like you are. You are not the " only one" and you are not alone. :l NS

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Congrats to everyone! I can't wait to get to where you are.

Mind, guest what. I woke up without shaking, without a headache, and without wondering what the hell happened last night. No anxiety wondering if my husband is going to be angry at me for something I did or said. No remorse over what my life has become. For once I am feeling positive. I realized last night that I had endured so much pain in my life that I got to a place where I was saturated. I did not want to feel anymore. That is when AL entered my life.

Reading Allen Carr's book kind of jolted me a bit. I realized I have a wonderful life now. I am the one who is slowly killing myself for no reason at all. Every person endures stress, so what do I do? I drink myself stupid, yeah that will show the universe. God, what is wrong with me. How did I become this person?

The thing that has given me hope and has helped kind of pull me from a dark place is that many people here have endured a lot of shame, have done things they regret. It gives me hope that someday I can put my shame on a shelf and begin to live my life to the fullest AL free. I just need to re-learn how to do this.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Happy Saturday to all

Juja, sorry you chose to drink. Fill your plan with alternative behaviors for the next time you're feeling antsy. I think a nice long walk or a trip to the gym, a bike ride would be better choices. Put on a guided meditation & get yourself wound down that way - worked for me

DD, staying focused on today, one day at a time type thinking was so helpful for me when I was going thru some major changes. It takes some practice but the results are wonderful. We don't benefit from worrying about future events that just may or may not happen. Wishing you the very best!

Bran, what's going on?

Wishing everyone a great AF Saturday. Sunny & beautiful in my portion of the nest today so I will be outside as much as possible.

Lav

[available]

Newbies Nest

6 months Juj, you cant have that month ha ha. I'll give it to you in a few more months when its not so important to me.

What did i do when i first stopped, well the hardest part was getting home without the car going into auto pilot and me realising that just because i had had a hard day at work did not entitle me to get shitfaced at the end of it. When i felt like a drink i went and had a shower, those few minutes made a lot of difference, then there was getting dressed and normally i put my pjs on so i definitely was not leaving the house. I messaged my children as they knew i was giving up al and told them i wanted a drink and they always said "no you dont" and most of the time that was all i needed to hear. If you have an inkling in the back of your mind that you may buy al, do not go out. i used to shop before i went to work so i was not tempted to buy al when i finished or i did not have an excuse to buy that "one tomatoe" and two bottles of wine. It takes an awful lot of will power and determination to not get that al but it does get better, truly it does, believe us when we say that. Just for today Juj do not drink and the next day say the same thing. Stress is a big factor with al, well buried ourselves in a bottle when we could not cope but al does not solve any stress or problems that we have. Everything is still there the next day only worse as we have drank.

Chero, its a great feeling isnt it to be af and enjoy life but do not become complacent that you can maybe have that one drink as the days go by, you cant unless you want to end up where you were. I know i can never drink again and that was the hardest bit to accept. Keep going each day and just enjoy life, it is what not drinking is all about.

Always post on here daily to be accountable that is a must in this journey.

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Available, that was one thing I realized. I can not drink at all. I have no control when it comes to AL. I thought I could moderate, I tried, I failed. I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. There is a part of me that is afraid I will fall back into it. That the provocative little voice will say just have one, it won't hurt you.

Then it's back to the self loathing. I don't want to ever go there again but I am not kidding myself that I don't have to be diligent in my quit. That one sip will send me into a downward spiral. I'm trying to change my thinking in that a glass of wine is a reward to a glass of wine is poison. It's poisoned my life, my relationships, even my soul. I know that one has to get far enough away from a behavior to see it for what it truly is.

[Dila]

Newbies Nest

Fat fella;1665268 wrote: Evening all, hope everyone is ok and having a great AF day. Ginger - 23 days is fantastic! Well done there.

Happy Birthday Petrel, hope you have a good one.

Dila - speak to me, where are you? Hope you're ok. 30 days for me today and its still partly me not wanting to let you down that is keeping me going, so thanks for being there wherever you are.

Rahul, Ice cream beats AL every time!

Fat Fella - Congratulations on 30 days! I'm proud of you. I'm here I have just been focusing on finding a new job.

Over the long weekend I read Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife. It was really good.

Glad to see so many doing well

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

MAE, All:

Six months, AVA!!!!!! I am so stinking proud of you and so glad that we quit on nearly the same day (for me your six months will be tomorrow, but that's because you're over there across the date line...) Your humor, honesty and friendship have helped me get where I am and helped so many others along the way. To infinity and beyond!

DD - You have come so far! I am sorry it is a serious illness that brought you clarity, but so happy for you that you will have clarity to face that illness.

Juja - this time, try running to a park, or running the track. I still get antsy and anxious sometimes and then I realized I haven't exercised. Very, very calming. I also read all I could here. There are great original posts as well as links to readings, documentaries, and other sober information. There is a lot of collective wisdom here. Have you told your therapist about needing to quit? That helped me to tell my counselor - a person in person to be accountable to in case I was ready to lie to myself. Hang tight - you can do this!

Cherokeer - I call that a healthy fear of alcohol, and IMHO it is good to have around. I continue to read and learn about relapse as much as possible so I can avoid it. It IS a part of this addiction, but it is not a necessary part (meaning we don't all have to do it). The focus on one day at a time is important, without getting to far ahead of yourself. Just stay sober today...

I'm off to watch kid sporting events, clean house and do a little shopping. Facing it all with a clear head and no regret for something I did or didn't do last night. Phew.

Pav

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

DD, I am copying what Ava said. You are the poster of strength and determination. Thank you for that post! Prayers continue for you!

Juja, I hope that you get into contact with a therapist. You're a beautiful person and need the extra support right now. I'm glad Pepper could explain that to you about the manipulation. I wouldn't have known that. That's why this site is so wonderful. Someone is an expert in something. I'm thinking of you.

Mind eraser and Cherokeer, good job!!!!! Keep it going. Getting through the first weekend is hard, but keeping busy is important. Hopefully you're where it's nice and can get outside a bit.

Bran New Day, it's a bran new day and you can do this. Check out the toolbox again, read lots, stay close.

Ava and Pav have gotten to day 180 and 6 months. They did it by posting, listening and following the successful people here, asking for help, and using the tools in their box. It's possible for everyone to do and to experience the simple joys of being AF. Have a great day!

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Darkest Diamond, you are a star! 30 days, especially with everything you have going on.......so proud of you!

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

jane27;1666695 wrote: Juja-

I started a thread about ways to keep busy. See if anything appeals. xoxo
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ind-89937.html

Thanks, sweets. Will definitely check it out.