Newbies Nest

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

I love this tired feeling that I don't get when I drink….big satisfying yawns…..getting drowsy very slowly….but awake enough to really relax and just sit ….it is only 815 here and i want to get cozy in bed already……had a rough patch earlier but then quickly ate dinner which quelled the urge….
goodnight all…first day of school tomorrow for my boys….both bound for high school!!

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

available;1700388 wrote:

Lav, i thought you were the biggest bitch i knew on here! Short, sharp and sweet were your words to me. I just thought to myself that i would prove you damn wrong lady! Ha ha. Now i know you are a gem and a treasure and the had words are needed to be said at times even if they are not appreciated by the intended. I do know i love my mum and i do know i cant wait to experience my grandchildren and be the best nana like you so totally are. I admire you very very much Lav.

:H Sorry Ava. I laughed out loud at the bolded description of Lav! Yep, we know she's a gem to be sure. Congrat's once again on 9 months AF. Great post, thank you.

Onya Jennie!

Kick some arse Nester's. Wishing everyone a safe, sober, and magical week.

Welcome Abcowboy. Good to see you here friend. Have you discovered our toolbox thread? https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

My no plans for the day turned upside down as usual :H
My grandsons just had to come over for dinner & visit along with their parents of course
Love having them here & I am always grateful to be fully present for them!

Hello & welcome abcowboy!
Glad you found us & decided to hop in the nest for a while. Please make yourself comfortable, stay as long as you like.

Ava, you're certainly not the first one to call me a big bitch :H
But I am also often accused of being fair. I try my best to give people what they need, not necessarily what they think they want Again, Congrats on your AF time

Hey jennie, you are doing great! You have every reason to succeed & reach your goals!

Wishing everyone a very safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Hi there G - cross post

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Everyone:

Ava- love your speech. Sometimes the short and sweet gets it, and sometimes we need a waffle. The story of your relationship with your mom is one of the greatest pieces of evidence of how much alcohol takes from us in ways we don't even know until we get sober. Naturally, I love your All Star lineup, too - Lav, Byrdie and NoSugar! :yougo:

Welcome, ABCowboy. You've found a great place to get and stay sober.

Matt - I LOVE your posts. All of those thoughts that swirl. I remember my mouth watering the first time I went to a baseball game and saw the beer being poured. Playing that beer through REALLY helped me, too. I never want just one, and even if I could, what would be the point. I might as well not risk it - I have everything to lose and nothing to gain. You'll get used to hunting without beer, and probably will get to enjoy it more. That early morning cup of coffee at a campsite with NO hangover? The best.

I am very content tonight. A wonderful weekend and a lot of time with my family. I am SO much more agreeable, patient, understanding and on top of my s#!t it is amazing.

Hang on tight to those nest moms, everyone.

xo
Pav

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Ack! Long day but I am here. I agreed to help my mom with yardwork today but of course we got going late, and then it got too warm so we had to wait for it to cool off. But at least we got it done. And sober, I found it much less irritating than I usually do. We also had a great conversation about drinking in general (the way society looks at it) and about why I'm so passionate about some current events in the gaming community that relate to women both in the industry and those who play.

I was disappointed when I came in and started having shakes in my hands, though. I grabbed a snack and drank some Gatorade and water and was fine, but that was weird. Though the other plus is if it's related to anything involving drinking at least I know it's from quitting, NOT because I "need" some or had too much.

Kensho - I love what you wrote about going to the gym even if all you did was walk a few laps and do some sit ups. I'm awful sometimes about "If I can't do this perfectly, I just won't do it." It's something I really need to get past, I know it holds me back.

Londoner - I'm so glad you're back, and glad to hear it sounds like you can see where you want to be and how you want to get there. And you've helped me by reminding me I was planning to get back into meditation to help my own sense of balance, so thank you for that. I stopped trying to meditate when I started drinking regularly and it's something I miss and keep saying I'll get back to.

Byrd and RG - Lmao about that feet emote! xD

Matt and AVa - Wonderful posts and thank you for sharing them!

Blackflag - Way to go, I'm so glad you're sticking with it.

abcowboy - Nice to meet you and welcome!

I've got to run for now, grabbing more food to make sure I'm balanced out from whatever my body was trying to do earlier. But I want to echo what others have been saying - the longer I'm AF the more I realize that even with bad cravings, I *never* wake up the next day thinking "man, wish I'd had a drink last night."

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1699947 wrote: Hey Nesters! It sounds like we're getting the band back together!!!
:band2:

Thank you for the kind works, Pinecone and Sarah....I appreciate that!

AllanKay, your observations and accounts of this 2 year journey are EPIC. Thank you for taking the time to share that with us....I wish you'd put that in the Tool Box, it is priceless information!
2 years? You are ON FIRE!!!!
nfire:

Cherokeer, 90 days? You are royalty around here!!! *Doink* Your crown!
:crowned:

Soft Focus, checking in with 50 days!!!!That's da Bomb!!!
:bomb:

Black Flag, around here, 7 days AF earns you a full moon!
:moon:
You've conquered every day the week can throw at you! The worst is BEHIND you!!! Keep up the streak!!




Londoner,
I have heard from 1000's of nesters over the years, and one thing that so many have said is that they never really hit a rock bottom....never lost a job, never got a DUI or ruined a relationship. The next thing they usually say is "So how I can stop forever if it hasn't REALLY been so bad?" It is true that not EVERYONE hits that bottom, but if it happens (and it did for me, too) I think it ended up saving my life. When you are on the bottom, there's ONE way to go and that's up. As bad as the bottom is, it CAN be a blessing for an alkie. This is the time to get yourself out of the pit. It reminds me of a story about the donkey in the well:

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the... donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

We have heard your cries for help and we are here to help you. Get all the AL out of your space and vow to buy NO MORE. It's time for a new life.....let's get started! I KNOW you can do this! Take it one step (one chunk of 15 minutes) at a time. Take our hands and help yourself out.....hugs dear man, we are right beside you. xo, Byrdie

So, what did you say Byrdie to those who didn't hit rock bottom? For those who think they can 'control' this? Personally, I don't want to hit rock bottom before I get that 'a ha' moment, but I feel it's the road I'm down. TBH, I'm not sure how much conviction I feel about quitting 'totally' b/c I still feel I'm somewhat in control. On the other hand, I know logically that I need to stop before that rock bottom happens...cause that could mean death or otherwise. So in a big way, I want to nip this in the bud, but on the other hand, my brain tells me ... you aren't that bad.

So, I am curious to your advice of those who want to stop now- BEFORE it gets to rock bottom. TIA-

Love,

Sarah

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

[QUOTE=NoSugar;1699958]Rock bottoms can be great springboards for positive change if, in the long run, meeting that bottom doesn't do irreparable harm - a ruined relationship, brain or liver damage that is permanent, even the death of you or someone else.

Byrdie's rock bottom was a bad one but she and her husband came out stronger than ever. That, in my opinion, is a best case scenario. Not everyone has that experience.

This addiction stripped all of us of one thing that all humans need and value - a sense of control. Now, while we don't actually have total control over everything in our lives (and it is a mistake to think that we do), we can determine what we do and do not put in our mouths. External circumstances do not have to- and should not- dictate when we stop drinking. Why wait until you can't drink because you are institutionalized - prison or hospital - and are no longer in charge of yourself? Or because you've lost everything and have no money? Or because this addiction kills you?

Please, please don't wait for a rock bottom. Don't let fate determine the outcome of your life. It is within each of us to decide, once and for all, that we've had enough of this hell and to do whatever it takes to become free.

NS[/QUOTE,

read this after responding to Byrd...good stuff- however, it is more difficult to make the decision (IMO) to stop when you think you are 'ok'..even though I'm not. How do you get your mind to agree that you HAVE to stop without some sortof 'smack in the face' ?...for lack of a better phrase.

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Hey Sarah - I know you asked Byrd and I'm also interested in what the old timers have to say; but your question is one that I did a lot of thinking about before I announced myself here.

In a lot of ways, you could say I had a "high bottom." When I was drinking the most a few years back I did end up with pancreatitis...but it was a "mild" case, didn't need a hospital stay. I never lost a job over my drinking, never got a DUI, I don't have any one relationship I can point to that was destroyed by my drinking. I don't have kids so I've never had doubts about if I'm being the best mom I can be.

For me, though, seeing the direction I was headed towards is part of what got my attention. I knew I was drinking more than was strictly healthy, and I knew it wasn't...it wasn't something I was doing because it was fun anymore. I knew that even thinking about taking a month off sounded like something really hard for me...and just the fact that it sounded hard told me something about how much I've been relying on drinking. And I don't like that something controls me like that. And after I did the math on how much I was drinking I had to admit it wasn't some small problem. Comparing what I was actually consuming, in oz, to the reccommended amount? Yeah...not good.

I also realized I was completely miserable with my life - some of that is legit depression/anxiety but I realized I've always ignored all the intelligent folks who mention that drinking alcohol, especially in more than the reccomended amounts, can and does make both of those worse. I may have been doing a decent job making sure my drinking didn't affect anyone else...but I've been driving myself into this little hole of miserable. I also started getting paranoid that some day I WOULD do something that would make it obvious I should stop drinking....because then I'd have people telling me I should stop drinking! And I wasn't ok with that, at all.

But taken outside of myself...that's some messed up logic. "I'm scared that someone will notice I'm doing something bad to myself, because then the folks who care about me might want me to stop."

There was more thinking than just that, but that's at least some of what came to my mind as I've been thinking. I didn't like where my life was at in a very personal way, regardless of how I appear to others. My bottom sure as hell felt like one, I just kept it very very quiet so no one would ask questions. Waking up in the morning miserable and depressed and convinced I ruined my life on a daily basis...even if I wasn't "acting out" in big ways, the feelings and effect on me were still there. Rearranging my life to make sure I could drink at home may have saved me from DUIs...but it meant I spent all my time at home, alone, drinking. The money I spent, I'll never get back. The way I started questioning myself all the time killed a lot of what should have been fun days. And I was willing to see if not-drinking helped. So far it has helped, very much. So if not-drinking is doing me noticeably more good than drinking was...it wouldn't be hard to quit if I didn't definitely have a problem, yeah? And if I definitely have a problem, it would be pretty arrogant for me to assume I'll be the special snowflake who'll never hit a worse bottom if I continue to drink.

But I'm also weird on perspective, I think. Like, I honestly am not super interested in if I'm more an alcoholic or more an alcohol abuser. I've had people tell me either, based on my extended history. I have an issue, and the issue is with AL, and I need to stop because I am not someone who can casually drink. Arguing with myself over technical definitions of my bottom etc. were loopholes I was using to keep drinking, so I swapped my brain to focus on the problem and the solution instead.

I don't mean any of that to make it sound like it's easy for me, either. It's not and it's not going to be. But I still see it as something I need to do. Bottoms are odd things too, though. I know folks who have hit "worse" bottoms than I have who keep drinking. And people with higher ones than me who stopped a lot sooner.

EDIT: Also, sidenote; I literally don't know how much of any of that was things I was thinking myself or things I only admitted once I was already reading/posting here. I was still drinking when I came here, so mostly I just remember being miserable and upset after a very mild argument with a friend, and hating my life as I always did, and wondering how I turned into such a huge screwup...and then reading here and somehow finally seeing that the AL was in the way of everything else. That and the support when I poked my head in. There's a lot of things I'm seeing now in hindsight that "Oh yeah...of course that was also related to my drinking" when at the time I completely was not putting two and two together.

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

fantastic post lavblue.

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

I think getting some distance from our last drink, e.g. at least 30 days if not more, is really important in order for us to have some clarity about our relationship with booze and how it affects us.

Whilst actively drinking, or a few days sober, we are still in the fog and there is often still much delusion in our thinking and perception of reality. The reality of the level of our performance as a person when booze is in the picture. And the level of our happiness.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Oh Sarah if you are on here you have a problem, this is a site for problem drinkers. We dont need a rock bottom, we just realise we are drunks and need to end the madness that drinking gives. Its not a dating site, or a marriage counselling site or any other site, its a site for people with al addiction.

My rock bottom may not have been others rock bottom, I may not think that some people on here have a problem like i did and some i think i definitely was not that bad but at the end of the day al is ruining and ruling our lives and we want a better life. If you dont think it is ruining your life, keep drinking, that is your choice, for the others on here it is their choice to stop with the help and support of mwo.

If you dont think you have a problem you will keep drinking, when you are honest with yourself and dont want the life you are living with al in it then you will open up a totally new world for yourself. There are threads for moderating if you choose not to stop which seems like you are in two minds about.

Great post LavB and i can totally relate to those feelings and damn being sober gives me no doubts or worries or shame or guilt.

[bran new day]

Newbies Nest

Great post LavB

[Dila]

Newbies Nest

Crawling back in the nest. Been gone too long. Drinking more and more and need to stop. I need to be here. I need to get strong and healthy. I can't do it alone...I keep failing.

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

sarah you sound JUST LIKE I DID a few years back when I joined this site. Everyone has their own journey but there are those who feel they have hit rock bottom and then there are those of us who haven't lost anything and it hasn't f'ed up our lives in any tangible way?BUT>>>>>>if we come onto this site we have the wisdom to know that the road we are headed down will lead to no good.

what prompted you to join MYO??? that is a crucial question. For me, I was just getting so tired of feeling sick and tired. I hated the fog in the morning, the headaches, the bloated feeling. I also know that my father died of alcoholism at the ripe old age of 56 (i am not that far from that age)

This is your journey and only you can decide when the right time is to stop. The beauty of this site is, no one TELLS you what to do but if you keep reading and posting, you will start to relate and will constantly think about what people have said. You will read the stories of people less fortunate than yourself and this will enable you to look through your life's looking glass and realize if you continue to drink, that might be your story. You will realize what a waste of time and money drinking is. You will realize how much of life you are missing out on because you are either drinking or recovering from drinking??you will realize that life is too short and you are simply one of the lucky ones to not have experienced a life changing event that is a rock bottom.