Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Just checking in. Snowing here!! It's lovely. So happy to remain sober. Going to look up a recipe for candied walnuts. Looking forward to hearing about people waking up without hangovers!

[Matt M.]

Check in for me. On shift today, so far not to bad. Had a great day yesterday, we wrote Santa a letter and he agreed to come Christmas Eve morning, since I had to work today. Low and behold he came and delivered. kids were excited and I enjoyed spending the day with them and remember it.

I never really needed a reason to drink, yet this time off year I do seem to crave quite a bit. Lots of commercials and advertising promoting that perfectly packaged poison. Anyway I'm staying strong and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Merry Christmas and God bless!

[Byrdlady]

Back home from party #2 and had a blast. We have a wonderful neighborhood. I was the only non drinker, besides the kids. Noone said a word about it.
It was a very good day. Hope everyone had a great day. Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Pie]

I hear you, Narily. Drinking thoughts have been chasing me around lately too, that glass of wine in particular. When I think what the cost could be, the trade-off I'd have to make of all that I've gained being sober, it stops me. So far, it's stopped me. I won't be getting off of Antabuse anytime soon either. I still rely on that sober-power boost greatly. Maybe once I get to a year, the distance between me and AL will be great enough that drinking thoughts, if any, will be fleeting.

Mollyka made a post recently that really caught my attention. I'll try to track it down, and copy it over here in a bit. Thanks for being here, Nesters. I don't often feel wobbly, but I guess I do tonight.

Pie

[available]

Pie you did right by coming on here and yep as much as al is tempting that thought of Day 1 horrifies me as i dont think i have another quit in me now. I also found that the first 7/8 months those al thoughts jumped at me but as months have gone by they are nearly gone. You are correct in staying on the AB and that time makes it easier. Stay strong Pie, i know you will! There is no feeling like hitting that year mark and being congratulated by those that have helped you get to where you are.

Matt lovely to see you check in. Santa is such a caring soul isnt he! So happy for you that you celebrated that with your family and you are sober. Your an alky Matt so put those thoughts aside please and thank you. Your doing me proud!

My 11 year old puppy is in hospital but i knew they would keep her. With pancreatitis she needs hospitalisation. The pancreatitis can be caused by the epilepsy drugs she is on so its a catch 22 situation. I am hoping she will be home before i go and visit mum and mum is hoping i dont cancel my visit. I am just tired and will worry about it tomorrow.

[Pie]

Thank you, Ava. Very much! Following is the 12/23 post by Mollyka I mentioned earlier, copied over from the Army thread. I've been pondering its truth quite a bit lately, and deeply appreciate her words.

what we chase (if we're lucky) is that ONE HOUR --- one hour of the buzz of the first couple of drinks --- and yes -- why deny it --- that 'buzz' is wonderful --- you can feel the draining away of the anxiety -- the sadness --- the loneliness ---- all fades away --- FOR ONE HOUR --- and then what happens --- we crave our 3rd as we are drinking our 2nd ---- .... EVERYONE who is on this site knows where it goes from there --- we chase that buzz --- but in that session it doesn't happen again --- what happens is -- we disgust ourselves -- we disgust those around us --- we wake up -- be it later in the day or the next morning --- the FEAR the LOATHING the ANXIETY is off the scale --- AND we are back to craving drink --- THAT is the part that is LEAST understood on this site --- look at the number of people who have achieved serious sobriety as in years..... they CANNOT get back on track ---- we have fed the addiction...... it is NEVER 'two small beers' to the likes of us --- it is feeding a dormant disease ---- sorry all a bit serious here --- but I needed to say it xxx

[narilly]

Thanks Daisy, Lav, Pie. I got through it, thank goodness. It's hard for me when I'm off my routine. Gonna keep coming back here. I don't drink.

Sorry about your dog Ava. That's tough.

I've got this huge bottle of wine here on my counter. I'm gonna get rid of it tomorrow.

Xo

[peppersnow]

Hey Nesters -

Ava, I hope your dog is better -- and thx so much for sharing your post from Robert. He's so incredibly lucky to have you in his life. Your wellness is contributing to making someone else's life better - what a profound thought.

Narilly, way to go in throwing out the wine, taking up valuable counter space. I say reserve that space for cookies and pie.

Pie and Matt, I had those thoughts today, too. 9 other adults drinking with lots of open bottles of wine. Not cravings so much, but like I said on another thread, there were several of those split-second moments when it seemed almost like instinct to take a sip of one of the many glasses within my reach on the counter as I was cooking. Or second-nature to finish off one of the many half-empty wine glasses in my house that people left laying around and finish them off. Seems gross now, but it's what I would have done last Christmas, because why waste perfectly good wine? I mean they're my blood family and I love them, but still, eww!

For those of us for whom this was the first sober holiday (it was my first in 30 years), I think maybe it's more about breaking another pattern. Like going to a backyard BBQ for the first time AF, or a lake cabin, or any other 1st social event after quitting. Anyone else feel that way? For me it wasn't so much of a craving, but just more of breaking my brain's association with this holiday and drinking 24/7 throughout. It wasn't hard not to drink, but it would have been incredibly easy to take a sip without even thinking about it.

Well, I hope all had a wonderful day and stayed strong. All the adults in my house who were sipping wine all day went to bed more than an hour ago, and here I am wide awake, sober, and grateful for all the help and support I received here to get me to this point.

Cheers, all!

[narilly]

Hey Pepper, I am sober too, and I feel the same way as you. I know a large par of drinking is habitual, especially during holidays. After we have a few sober holidays under our belts it should become easier. I did want to drink tonight but I just surfed the urge. I don't want to f up and drink. It was tough but I just kept thinking I had to get through it.
I came on here a bit and that helped.
It sure would have been easy to take a sip without thinking. It's a tough habit to break but We can do it!
Last year I caved on Christmas Day and had a drink so I am glad I got through it today.

Goodnight.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Pepper, great to see you! We do have to form new, healthier habits & it takes some time. Remain vigilant, keeping AL out of out lives is top priority. Your 1 year anniversary will be here before you know it & you'll feel so proud of your accomplishment!

Narilly, good for you for having an AF Christmas!

Hello to everyone checking in today. Wishing a wonderful AF Friday for all!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Pepper and Narilly, the gift of hindsight is just incredible...I SO relate when you talk about all the wine glasses sitting around and how easy it would be to pick one up. Yesterday morning at breakfast, I decided to put my diet coke in a champagne glass and they were all sitting around right there in front of me, I had to be very careful not to pick up a stray. I think I learned my lesson, I'm going back to a regular glass. Drinking diet coke out of a champagne flute is nuts! My nose kept hitting the rim! Of course it didn't matter when there was booze in there, I was like a monkey hitting a lever, just give me the booze, I don't care how it is delievered! As much of a habit it was to drink while I was cooking, I also noticed what a habit it had become to SNEAK it when I went to the bathroom! When I went yesterday I remember taking my purse in there and chugging from my hairspray bottle. Any romantic thoughts I might have had about me and that champagne glass were quickly 'QUASHED' to oblivion by the image of THAT! So it works both ways in the habit department. Thank the LAWD above both are gone! The host of yesterday's breakfast admitted at dinner that she had drank an entire bottle of champagne that morning and had to have a nap. When she got up she didn't feel well, she said she must have eaten too much. Translation: I passed out and woke up with a hangover. I noticed it didn't stop her from drinking last night. There were several folks there last night that I suspect have a problem with AL. I like to think that one of these days they will ask me how I broke loose. We are the trail blazers here! I believe there are many more to follow us. Stay strong, nesters, we ARE doing the right thing!!! Byrdie

[frances]

Good morning all - it's great to hear the stories of strength here! I too remained AF on Christmas and am so happy about it. My first one without alcohol since I was just a kid! My mom had sparkling cider for the little ones who were at the family gathering yesterday and I gladly had some of that in a wine glass. I didn't give it much of a second thought which was wonderful! Christmas eve was a little harder - we had a small family dinner at my house and opened a bottle of wine. It was tempting but I resisted. Now the half bottle is in the refrigerator and I'm thinking it's about time to dump it before I get tempted!

Good going everyone, isn't it such a great feeling to be clear and in control?!!

I'll be going out of town next week for New Year's celebrations - another big 'test' - I know it will be hard and will start planning now!

[KENSHO]

First sober Christmas here in many years. Just realized that too much caffeine makes me really irritable. I should probably drink less. But at least I'm not hungover - I don't know how I endured that for so many years! Great work Frances. Byrdie, it's so helpful to hear your stories... the sneaking, the planning, the hiding... I'm so glad I have decided to leave that life behind too.

I have the kids all day and will be trying to clean up the house a bit. I find that I want to "get stuff done" and I feel like I walk around cleaning up new messes and getting kids to clean up after new messes - I can't get the initial list even dented. I'm going to try to focus on what's really important and spend quality time with kids. I just regret too much caffeine because I'm a bit "Raaaaaarrrrrrr!". We also have to dig through the trash to find a couple "missing" gifts.

[peppersnow]

Yeah, Birdie, those romanticized memories are some pretty good fiction. When I walked in on my dad trying to be discreet in pouring a vodka drink yesterday, I had a flashback to running upstairs every 30 mins or so last year during cooking, to drink vodka in my bedroom closet so my mom wouldn't see. Lots and lots of sneaking around. Yesterday, I made a wine reduction sauce yesterday and it called for a splash of vermouth. Which brought back a memory of a phone interview I had about 5 years back for a prospective job. The phone interview was at 10:00 in the morning and I was chasing off a hangover and wanted just a quickie to calm my nerves, and couldn't find anything except vermouth. I drank vermouth straight at 9:00 in the morning. So the 9:00 a.m. drinking speaks for itself, but who the hell drinks vermouth?! And straight? Blech! I can tell you it was horrible but that's how badly I wanted a fix.

I'm so, so, SO incredibly happy to have that all behind me. If anyone's lurking, I know it's hard to imagine how wonderful life can be without AL, and how impossible it seems that you could ever be the only person not drinking and still have a wonderful time. I didn't believe that was possible 9 months ago -- I was just trying to save my life, literally. When I decided to stop, it was only to prevent my kids from attending their mother's funeral while they were still teenagers, but I was convinced that my life-after-drinking would be unhappy and depressed. But I'd at least be alive for my kids. I couldn't have been more wrong! Life isn't perfect by a long shot, and I still have relationships I need to repair, but the happiness and fulfillment I feel sober is so much more intense now than when I was drinking.

Frances -- I'm out of town next week, too - my first beach vacation al-free, and beach vacations on the ocean is a huge trigger for me. But it's just with my husband and girls, so no social pressure. Still another first, though. We can send one another AF-vibes on the 31st (*along with sending them to everyone else here!)

[TJAF]

Well folks I woke up today with a hangover...not from what you think but from the sugar! My goodness Nosugar I went through the cookies like a scream amid silence. All that booze around and my brain was screaming for a fix. no cravings per se but I needed something something that the sparkling water couldn't touch. Sugar it was. Sorry again Nosugar I need to reform!