Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters!

Jennie, everyone truly is different so we have to find our own way. Every time someone shares what worked for them someone else learns a little something that may be helpful to them. For the sake of the newest newbies we need to continue reinforce the 'never give up' ideology

Hanna, I've been around a long time & post on several threads. The conversations may change but the underlying theme remains the same. It's great to share how we go about living our lives sans AL. We don't discuss daily struggling because we accepted life is better without long ago. You will get there too & when you do jump on some of those threads & join in the fun.

Wishing everyone a good AF Thursday! Expecting a bit of snow today - oh well.

Lav

[peppersnow]

Hi nesters...what a great discussion. I agree with everything everyone said, actually, as different approaches will work for different people. The only approach I think is doomed to fail is one in which you've consciously decided to drink again after X number of days or months or whatever -- the "Lent Approach". Forever was an overwhelming concept for me, too, although I knew I had to quit forever. I didn't tell my family or friends, though, because I didn't want them to view me as a failure if I began drinking again and I think I was subconsciously keeping that door open. The hell of the first few weeks were all I needed to experience to tell me how severe my addiction was, and that if I didn't quit forever I was going to die. So my approach was, I need to get healthy, alcohol isn't a part of that plan, and I left it at that. Then I got to a month. And as NS said, with a clear and healing brain/body, I was able to see that forever was mandatory. Hang in there, all, and take care of your Al-free lives always!

[Byrdlady]

Holy Toledo, Nesters!
The conversation over the last 24 hours has been one for the books! When I read OKoren's post, I wanted him to put it in the Tool Box, then I read the next one and the next and the NEXT, they all belong there, but I guess there are limits! Important conversations, nonetheless!
I guess addiction is the biggest HEAD-Game of all. The common thread that I had witnessed and experienced is that those who SHUT the door completely on AL (yes, the hard liners!!) are the ones who will go the distance. Any wiggle room or negotiation on this point will result in AL winning. Seen it. DONE it. As it turns out, addiction IS an all or nothing proposition! You are either in active addiction or you are in remission. That's it. Like being pregnant.

As possibly the world's oldest Newbie, I've seen this site, in general, change, and the nest in particular. At the time that I started, the 'bait' was to go 30 days and reset your relationship with AL. After that, you started with a clean, objective slate. WOW, that just couldn't be wronger (I'll get you saying that in time!!). As we all know here, 30 days doesn't begin to reset addictive, not even problem drinking. There IS not reset button, even after YEARS of Abstinence. You only get one brain, and it knows where you've been. So I think we now use the 30 days as a goal for the brand NEW newbies...one that isn't so big as to overwhelm. As most of us can see, the majority of us here are returning newbies who have learned the hard way.

As you know, The Prize Patrol, silly as it may seem to outsiders (outside of the nest or the Abs threads) is positive reinforcement for these goals achieved. Back when I started, we had to start our OWN threads saying,' I MADE 30 DAYS!!!' But I noticed that many didn't have the hutzpah to do that and were getting left behind. These milestone matter. If other people can achieve them, then so can I! Over the years, those little hats and that bit of recognition can pull someone along who might, otherwise, have yielded. I don't think wild horses could have kept Available from her one year celebration!! We SHOULD be proud of these achievements (lawd knows we don't get parades for this stuff in real life), but there is no finish line. We are on a journey (sorry Mollyka! I know you hate that word and I've tried to watch it!) so let us enjoy the ride together and celebrate each others' achievements along the way.

Whatever it takes to end this day, not having had AL, is a win.
GREAT discussion, I believe this is the wisest set of newbies we've ever had!
Rock on, nesters! B

[jane27]

Hi Nesters, The wildest thing about sobriety for me is that emotionally I feel consistently higher & by a considerable amount. This has turned it into the obvious better choice for me. My drinking career was about 15 years long. It was only the first few years that 1 glass of wine would give me a warm buzz. By the 3rd year 1 glass had become 2 1/5 to get the buzz, by the 5th it was a bottle and the buzz was less than 1/2 of what it had been. Also, I started to feel down without AL. Things continued in this direction for years 5-10. I added hard liquor to the mix to try and recapture some of the old warm buzz feeling. It didn't really, but it made me feel more drunk faster and that seemed like something anyway. The increase in liquor led to horrible hangovers, calling in sick to work, being late all the time, mostly not feeling well, and feeling more depressed. From year 10 on I drank just to not hurt- to not feel hungover- to not be disgusted with myself- for energy- for the ability to fake it with people. And when Id wake up the next day I was low again. My normal mood state got lower and lower. If I had known or believed what being sober felt like every day I think I may have tried to quit a little sooner.I only say a little sooner because I have not forgotten (and never will) how hard those first months are. I wouldn't trade how good I feel emotionally for anything. Wishing every one love and strength to be the best they can be today. xoxo

[jane27]

The Prize Patrol is the best ever Byrdie!!!! Thank you for identifying and implementing this awesome team building & recognition tool!

[Elvis]

Yeah, I love the Prize Patrol too!!!

Also, and I think I've said this before, but if the word "forever" scares you, commit yourself to not drink for the next 200 years instead.

[Overit-still]

GOOD MORNING! I'm not going to drink for the next 200 years! hahahahahah! (maybe when Elvis rises from the grave?)

I'm here, I'm sober, taking my meds, working out, working, reading, praying, it's all good. (I actually dropped my "little white angel" my Antabuse this AM and it rolled under my vehicle. Picture me in skirt, high heels and my paper bag climbing under that thing to get it!)

Great discussions everyone. Have a great day!

[Samstone]

Holy Toledo, Nesters!
The conversation over the last 24 hours has been one for the books! When I read OKoren's post, I wanted him to put it in the Tool Box, then I read the next one and the next and the NEXT, they all belong there, but I guess there are limits! Important conversations, nonetheless!
I guess addiction is the biggest HEAD-Game of all. The common thread that I had witnessed and experienced is that those who SHUT the door completely on AL (yes, the hard liners!!) are the ones who will go the distance. Any wiggle room or negotiation on this point will result in AL winning. Seen it. DONE it. As it turns out, addiction IS an all or nothing proposition! You are either in active addiction or you are in remission. That's it. Like being pregnant.

As possibly the world's oldest Newbie, I've seen this site, in general, change, and the nest in particular. At the time that I started, the 'bait' was to go 30 days and reset your relationship with AL. After that, you started with a clean, objective slate. WOW, that just couldn't be wronger (I'll get you saying that in time!!). As we all know here, 30 days doesn't begin to reset addictive, not even problem drinking. There IS not reset button, even after YEARS of Abstinence. You only get one brain, and it knows where you've been. So I think we now use the 30 days as a goal for the brand NEW newbies...one that isn't so big as to overwhelm. As most of us can see, the majority of us here are returning newbies who have learned the hard way.

As you know, The Prize Patrol, silly as it may seem to outsiders (outside of the nest or the Abs threads) is positive reinforcement for these goals achieved. Back when I started, we had to start our OWN threads saying,' I MADE 30 DAYS!!!' But I noticed that many didn't have the hutzpah to do that and were getting left behind. These milestone matter. If other people can achieve them, then so can I! Over the years, those little hats and that bit of recognition can pull someone along who might, otherwise, have yielded. I don't think wild horses could have kept Available from her one year celebration!! We SHOULD be proud of these achievements (lawd knows we don't get parades for this stuff in real life), but there is no finish line. We are on a journey (sorry Mollyka! I know you hate that word and I've tried to watch it!) so let us enjoy the ride together and celebrate each others' achievements along the way.

Whatever it takes to end this day, not having had AL, is a win.
GREAT discussion, I believe this is the wisest set of newbies we've ever had!
Rock on, nesters! B

"More wronger", not to be confused with war monger!

great post Byrdie

[mywayin]

So many people depending on me....it is really getting too much.
I have 2 situations going on....anorexic niece and depressed cousin and kids......and trying to build my own life back again.....feeling totally overloaded.....

Hanna, You've got to learn that you need to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help your fellow passengers.
You don't seem to be in a strong enough position to worry about others but you will be in a better position to help if you can stay AF, that's your oxygen mask !

[mywayin]

Sorry, that was for Daisy...

[Dutch1988]

Wow that really rings true to me. I have been telling myself I am quitting forever but as the daily stresses and struggles continue to pile up that would send me to a bottle, I find myself thinking well maybe I will just do 1 month and see how I feel, but I know that is just an excuse to give me permission to give up. I have mentioned it to two people that I am quitting, and I did not elaborate or anything, just don't want to make that commitment. I don't even want to go to a ufc party on Saturday because i know there will be alcohol and I don't want to explain to people who normally see me drink that I am not. Thanks for the words of encouragement, always good to read posts of happy abbers.

BTW Day 4 for me, anyone have tips on making it through the weekend when drinking was the fun thing you did after a crappy week?

[A new page]

[QUOTE=

BTW Day 4 for me, anyone have tips on making it through the weekend when drinking was the fun thing you did after a crappy week?[/QUOTE]

Congrats on day 4, Dutch!

I struggle with the weekend thing too.....how to make the weekends more fun without the old buddy, AL...

Friday night seems to need the pick up the most, so have decided to have a little "treat" on Fridays. I think that will be ordering dinner delivered. Last Friday was pizza night. Or do something else unusual, that I don't do on the weeknights.
It is this time of the year that is the hardest, as the weather is so horrible....
Once the weather gets nicer, I will grab the dogs and go for a walk or something, but this being "snowed in" is getting really old....and BORING!!!

[Byrdlady]

Hey Dutch! Congrats on your 4 days! That is outstanding...you are operating on your own power now! As we've been discussing, MINDSET is a real key to this thing. Let's look at this for a moment. If drinking were so much fun, we wouldn't be here!!! If you ask yourself the HARD question, I imagine you would say that drinking is far from fun now. I know it wasn't for me. Therefore, let's not think of it as a reward of any sort. You are freeing yourself from an addiction, not depriving yourself of fun. I am here to tell you, my life is 1000 times MORE fun now than it ever was when I drank.
So what can you do instead? My suggestion is to do all those things that have been sliding the past several years. Clean out that closet or straighten out the kitchen drawer that is always a mess. I tried (and still do try) to put myself in the service of someone else. If I can do something for someone who could use a hand, then I feel really good about me. There is always someone you can help. Do you have a dog? Maybe call a nursing home and see if you can take him by for a visit. This doesn't sound like fun at all, but I'm here to tell you, those poor souls appreciate it! The smiles on their faces of gratitude that SOMEONE came to see them is quite a reward. Anyway, the key is to stay busy and distracted. Once you get one weekend under your belt, the next one will be a cake walk.
What are some things you like to do?
If nothing else, remember we award a 7 Day Moon :butt: for a full week of AF'ness! You wouldn't want to miss out on that!
We are so glad you're here! Byrdie

[available]

Byrd, nothing was going to stop me making a year especially a bottle of wine. I wanted to achieve something in my life that seemed unachievable in the beginning and I did. Now it is a way of life being sober. I dont worry what day of the week it is, i dont worry about what i will drink when i go out, i dont worry that i will drink if i am stressed to the max, i dont drink AT anyone anymore as i just dont drink. In a few days i am 15 months sober and i cant wait for two years.

The other day i had a swig of juice that was in the fridge and it tasted funny, i remembered that my son had mentioned that he had put wine in a bottle of juice so i smelt it and tentatively had a sip (just one) and yes there was wine in it. It was the grossest (is that a word) sip i have ever had, i told my son he had set me down for a life of drinking now and throw the bloody shite out. I dont classify that as a fall though but i did see it as i have to stay on my toes constantly. there is always al in my house now and thats fine if it is labelled, i mean in my drinking days that juice and wine would have been long gone as would the bottle in the cupboard that i have forgotten about. Thank god that al voice has faded away.

Dutch i drank every day of the week so friday was just a day to get doubly shitfaced and not have to surface until late on a saturday to hit the repeat button again. If you think you will drink dont go out, this does not last forever, there will be other events you can go to and not drink. the early days you are at your weakest and most probably will drink if you are around it as you will get the "feck its".

[LavenderBlue]

Just checking in quick - I'm on a podcast now and will be busy with that tonight. Talk about something I couldn't have done while I was drinking! I don't have to worry I'll pass out and miss the show or that I'll say something dumb while we're live because I've been drinking. It's also been a great reminder to myself that I really *am* funny and entertaining sober, I don't need the AL for that. Or to be weird. I do that on my own, too. :P

Daisy - I'm so glad you came back and so sorry you have so much going on! I hope you can stay close and things start going better for you. I know cutting out the drinking has helped me so much with the other crappy things I have in my life, so much support on your way to work on sorting things out sober. It's scary to think of dealing with things sober, but it's been so much better for me; I'm sure it will be for you, too. It's also easier to tell where you can help others and where you need to step back and take care of yourself; I think you're really on the right track coming here and also talking to your friend.

Kensho - Great to see you, too and glad you're doing well!

Enzo - I love what you wrote about finding your recipe, I think that's a great way to look at it! And you're right - what works for one person may not work for another; but on our own we might not think to add certain ingredients to the mix.

Dutch - Good going on Day 4, yay you! There's already been great advice here - I know I wasn't up to a whole lot that early in my quit. I think I mostly just stayed in and watched movies/played video games with lots of sparkling water and snack food. I was still treating myself like I had the flu, since I sure still felt like I did. When I started feeling up to it, though, I started thinking about things I couldn't do while I was drinking. I was a 'round the clock drinker so even something as simple as running out to the grocery store in the evening was a "Wow, I can actually do this now!" thing for me. I also started thinking about bigger things I hadn't done in a long time - I used to write (blog and fiction) and I started doing that again. I tried to stay away from anything super stressful, and stay busy; even if it was just reading a book. I was more of a stay-home-and-drink sort though, so I wasn't used to going out for the weekend anyway. If you have friends who don't drink, maybe you could go watch movies or something with them?

A new page - I'm going nuts with winter here, too, blarg! I'm feeling like I've got the energy for some nice long walks with the dog, but his hind leg gets gimpy in the cold. So even if I wanted to bundle up and take him, he can't. I suppose I could walk without him but that's not nearly as nice.

Hope everyone has a great day!