Newbies Nest

[frances]

Hi Springstart - yes, just like Ava and many others, your story sounds just like mine. Over and over again, right? I have been on MWO for years and it took me many tries to get to where I am now. Whenever I gave myself permission to drink on certain occasions, it would start out okay for a few months, but I always wound up back where I started, drinking way too much way too often and feeling crappy most of the time. There is a lot of great information and support on this site - there is a toolbox thread with many people's strategies for not drinking. You are right about changing habits. It is tough especially in the early days but that truly does pass after the first 2-3 weeks you start to feel much better and after a month or two you realize you have new habits. My new habit became wanting a seltzer or a cup of tea when I got home from work. drinking seltzer or tea in the evening when I used to have my wine. oh, and ice cream too :happy2:

Stick around you will never regret stopping drinking and waking up clear headed every day rather than tired and telling yourself 'not again'.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Monday to all!

Hello & welcome Springstart, glad you decided to join us
Kicking AL out of your life is a step in the right direction. None of us need that poison. Make a good working plan for yourself & be sure to visit our Tool box for some great ideas.

Wishing everyone a great AF Monday!

Lav

[Hanna]

Good morning nesters, and welcome spring! Stick around. It's warm and cozy in the nest with lots of support wise words and caring from those that have been exactly where you are right now, and have managed to find a solution.

I woke up in a much better frame of mind this morning. My crazy emotions over the past month are settling down, although still lots of difficult feelings. Not drinking is actually getting somewhat easier, and I am learning to be patient about my future...not so easy. But quitting and being so distraught has also taught me that I don't need, or WANT, to drink again. While AL has been the primary cause of my difficulties, getting out of this mess drinking would be worse than getting out of it sober. I am coming to some slight bit of acceptance that I cannot control what will happen in my marriage. Ironically, this has helped our marriage to heal a bit. That, and of course some slight modicum of trust I am building with my husband as he sees how committed I am. We have a long way to go, but it is what it is.
I hate Al for what it has convinced me to do all these years, hurting me and those who love me most.
I hate AL. I hate AL...I HATE AL. aL never has to do this again IF I don't have the first drink. So that is where my head is right now. I like where my head is right now. Great recent posts that help me keep my head in the right place. Thanks guys.
Have a great Monday. I am off to work, eating early right after I finish, and hitting the gym at 6:45. I have a plan

[Byrdlady]

Morning, Nesters, and welcome SpringStart!
I also could have written your post above! It's a familiar tale around here. Pav reminds us a a great quote from Robin Williams, "I was lowering my standards faster than I could violate them!" How true is that. By the time we start making rules for AL, it's got us. We are glad you are here, and if you are serious about getting this monkey off your back, we can help, every single one of us know the pain of addiction.
Please find the link to the Tool Box in my signature line below. Read and post, it's the best medicine right now! Knowledge is power. Welcome aboard! Byrdie

[Springstart]

Thank you available, Lavande, Hanna, frances and Brydlady, for you kind words and support, it means a lot and I'll keep coming to this site and check out the posts you've mentions for guidance. The tea sounds great frances, I've bought some fizzy water and its in the fridge with lemon and ice ready for sitting on the patio without alcohol, I know when the sun comes out the beer goggles come out here in the UK because we don't see that much sun! its acceptable to come home and start of the night with a cold glass of wine sat out, and then that doesn't stop just at one! just one of the excuses I and lots of others use to get the alcohol in our systems. I know what you mean about relationships Hanna, we've been together since teenagers and alcohol has always played a part. Over the past 6 months though we've been arguing more than ever and its always after booze, I just turn into a different woman (and no doubt he does too but I'm usually too pissed to notice) and I get up the next day, swollen eyes after crying to sleep, and know it was bad but can never quite remember the exact things we said or how we got there.
I know I associate lots of the things I/we do with alcohol and I'm going to have to use those tips to get through these first few weeks. At least I've got to 5.30pm and am still feeling strong, which hasn't happened for a long time.

[KENSHO]

Hi Springstart! Glad you're feeling strong! It wasn't until I was AF (alcohol free) for awhile that I realized how much it impacted my relationship with the hubby. We still disagree about things, as any couple would, but I don't immediately jump to irrational anger. Now, often, a simple statement gets my point across, and there doesn't have to be a major conflict every night. Good for you for coming here, and for recognizing your behavior. You won't believe the positive impact not drinking will have on your relationships!! Glad to see you here! Do you have a plan for your hard times?

[Matt M.]

Good afternoon from God's country, a wet and storm ravaged one at that.

Kerriot, great job on your achievement surrounded by Al, that can be hard for anyone, with a variety of Sober time, sounds like you have been born again Hard!

Springstart~ You definitely are fortunate to have received advice and encouragement from the "A" Team in our family.
So many times I read peoples day 1 or first post, and about 95% of the time my first thought was " Me too!"
Approx 9 months I was on my Ass AGAIN, on the verge of losing everything AGAIN, shamed, guilty, remorseful AGAIN.
If you want this and are willing to work for it, (prob less than half the work spent working,planning conniving for that next drink) this forum and these people, will graciously help myself included. I found my first post, it may sound a bit familiar:

8-11-2014Matt M. WELCOME to the Window Shoppers!

I am so glad I stumbled ( divine intervention) on to the mwo site today and fortunately right to this thread. At 43 I have tried every "IF" scenario as you so accurately put them, AA, self help etc,etc,etc. Over the last 10 years I have managed af living of 6 months, an 8 month stint, and even a 10 month, with of course many smaller periods in between. I always seem to go back to the" only on Sunday, only after 5, never more than 3,4,7 etc. Only to fail miserably. I am 6 days af this time, I found this site this morning, landed on your thread, joined and have reading newbie nest and tool box stuff all day.*
Just wanted to thank you for sharing your story and your family stories it really hit close to home with me

Hope everyone has a blessed day!
Stay Hard brothers and sisters!

[Springstart]

Hi Kensho, Matt, thanks for the advice, I know I'll try to convince myself that its ok to just have a couple, or my hubby will want me to and I am willing to work to keep sober and keep thinking about how destructive alcohol is. I'm focussing on the positive aspects of being AF at the minute, feeling better, guilt free evenings, being able to look my kids in the face in the morning, not having to plan everything around thinking about wine, getting it or trying to keep in control after having it. I'm looking forward to watching a film to the end, reading, eating food properly and remembering what it tasted like. I have a fridge full of food and AF drinks and have booked my week up with going for coffee's or the cinema, I am willing to work for this and will come on this site everyday

[LilBit]

Welcome, Spring and good for you for having a plan. It makes a world of difference.

Dutch, keep it up with those positive affirmations. 'So helpful. You know, you and Overit and I are really "quit triplets" based on our AF dates. We are collectively "DutchOverBit"

Thank you, Byrdie and Pav for the "deprivation feeling" feedback. In hindsight, I'm glad for the experiment because I've spent the last two AF months mostly doing new/different things, and haven't felt deprived for a minute. So, revisiting an old activity that formerly centered around drinking was a way of trying my new AF wings. It's good to know that they held up and that the deprived feeling for these once-AL activities will lessen over time.

Ava, after all your world travels, it's true -- there's nothing like sleeping in your own bed.

It's a gorgeous Spring day in San Fran. I'm sitting on the back deck, looking at the blue sky, rose bushes and olive trees, and working on a novel I've been trying to write for years now. There are (I hope) some good ideas there but, as you can imagine, it was hard to keep any sense of continuity when was killing off brain cells nightly. Wishing you all a great day or night, wherever you are.

[available]

Morning nest

Quick check in and out. Off to Bangkok today for some frantic shopping.

Stay strong and will be back!

Getting that much closer to my bed!

[Byrdlady]

Matt, what a great post! Yes, we all come here looking for our way out. For as many varied backgrounds as we come from, we are all more similar than different. Over the weekend, I was reading a post from someone who referred to the abstainers as AL-free Nazi's. Once I got past the offensive nature of that label, it set me to thinking. From where I sit, there are two types of people on this forum: Those who struggle with AL and those who dont. The ones who dont are the ones who dont drink it. I have observed a lot of people on this site, and I have deduced there is an easy way to get your life back and there's a hard way. I took the hard way for a long time. I kept bullshitting myself into thinking I could control AL IF I tried a little harder, or a little longer. I kept giving it ONE MORE CHANCE until I ran out of chances myself. I tell you, beating this addiction takes every mind game and strength of character we can muster. Yes, it takes RESOLVE. COMMITMENT. DETERMINATION. It takes a zero tolerance policy. Unfortunately, hitting this demon half assed isnt going to work....in fact, it makes it worse. AM I an AF Nazi? You darned right I am, and I couldnt be happier. I wouldnt trade my 1559 days for any drink out there. Anyone on this site who says he/she is still drinking and are happy about it is lying....I was one of them. Denial is a big part of this disease. Getting those blinders off helped me heal. Stick with this....no matter what! You will never regret a day you spent sober!! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters!

It was a nice day, a bit too cool but nice nonetheless

I'm sitting here watching news coverage of riots going on in a city 50 miles away from me. How sad that people still feel the need to destroy public property, injure EMS personnel & loot businesses. There are more effective ways to get your point across. It's especially sad that many of the rioters are students
I hope for a quick & peaceful end to this nonsense.

On a happier note I wish everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest. Glad you're with us SpringStart!

Lav

[LavenderBlue]

Quick checkin! I got busy doing some cleaning today and the hours seem to have jumped right past me; that's not a horrible thing, though. I'm a little iffy on some plans I have tomorrow - someone who said he wants to hang out as friends, but some of the statements he's made make me think he wants more from me than that. Not just as in in my pants, but getting close to the kind of "Well why won't you date me?" guilt trippy stuff that I'm not ok with. I still want to give it a chance, but I'm not as enthusiastic as I would have been. I know I can always come home if it gets uncomfortable, but I don't like situations where I'm torn between my boundaries and being "nice." On the other hand...that's exactly the sort of thing I need to get better at!

In other news, I had two cups of Sleepytime tea with milk last night instead of one and wow, that knocked me out! I knew that or chamomile used to help me sleep before my drinking got bad, but I wasn't sure if it still would. It's nice to know it still does!

LilBit - I've purposely avoided a lot of the places I associate with drinking - but that's partly because most of them are summer activities and last summer I was just barely starting my quit! There was one time that my mom took me out for a nice dinner (to celebrate a sober milestone, to boot) and the table next to us was loudly enjoying their wine. It did annoy me and I had some of those, "Why can't I have something nice?" thoughts. But I also remembered that I never drank just what was at the table - I'd bring extra in my purse or get more at the bar to try to look like I wasn't having all that much. And I sure as hell don't miss that plotting and planning to make sure I had "enough" part.

Also, I love the simmering pot comparison!

Springstart - Welcome to the Nest; get comfy and stick close!

Annnddddddd I have a grumpy dog who wants me to take him out, so I'd better go. Support out to all though, and hope everyone has a great AF MAE!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Tuesday to all

Bright & sunny here this morning, yay!
I really need some outside time to get some things planted.

LavB, just try to stay in the moment & enjoy. Worrying about stuff that hasn't happened yet & may never happen is a waste of your time & energy.

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Tuesday!

Lav

[abcowboy]

Morning everyone! Just flying in quick to acknowledge a few monthly milestones today! I see we have a set of quitting triplets who are going strong in their quit, and a special lady who has created a new life for herself!

MossRose on your 9 month milestone! And mywayin, Soft Focus, and enzo'smom (jenniech) on your 4 month milestones!