Hello to all who have read my posts before. Just to name a few Jamms and Becoming and I know I am missing a lot. My wife actually found my stash tonight, a horrible moment when she pulled out almost 3 cases of empty beers cans. She may leave me, and I wouldn't blame her one bit, all trust is now gone. For 10 years I kept telling her I could stop, not a big deal. Tonight, I reached the bottom. Funny thing is I don't feel all that bad. Kind of a relief, that she now knows. I finally admitted to her that I had a huge problem, nothing moderation can fix. Now it's time to move to AA. Now it time to admit to my family that I have a huge problem. My only hope is that one day my wife actually can look me in the eyes and trust me, respect me, love me. Right now I would settle for her being able to like me. I don't know if that will ever, ever happen--- only a lot of time will tell. Hopefully when all said and done I will look back at this moment and say " That was the turning point of my life" -- Now for the first time in 23 years I have to figure out what type of person I am without the alcohol---- Hell I don't know who that person is.
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Paw - this is a huge turning point in your life. I'm happy that you are thankful and seeing this for what it is...........I hope for your sake that your wife does too.
You will figure out who you are without AL - it will take some work and some time but you will find that person. I wish you all the best.......
Love and hugs.
UniEvery day is a day to start over and remember that I am powerless over my addiction.
I will no longer give the BEAST any power over me - he can go straight to hell.
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Paw, I guess this is your rock bottom and I am so sorry hear it..but there is a way up from it and I know how frightening and hard it can be..you can do it though. Give yourself time, seek the help you need, here, AA, meds, counselling throw everything at this beast you can.
I too have had to find myself again after 30 years of drugs and drink. I am 6 months into my journey and doing well. Its hard sometimes, but I asked for help and got it. I too have to prove myself again. I also recently lost my job, so I am using this time to get to know me, warts and all. You will do this, the alternative is not worth considering.
By the way, once I admitted I had a problem, it was so much easier...please keep posting and asking for help, it really does work.Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009Comment
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Paw...
I'm in the process of re-discovering what life is about. I've made some decisions recently that should help me become more like the person I want to be. I can relate to what you said about feeling somewhat relieved that it's out in the open. Carrying all that guilt and self-loathing around for all that time only adds to what is already a horrible problem.
Hopefully, your wife will see deeper than than the hurt and see that both of you will be stronger than just you. You're desire to be the healthy, loving person that you want to be is clear. It's not unattainable. As has been said, this is a critical turning point and only you can decide which route to take.
I wish you well.Comment
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Paw---I think we all have a defining moment where we realize this is it, I must stop. We are all such good liars and sneaks. We all have our stories.
This may be the best thing that has happened to you--there is such relief in not having to lie anymore. To be able to tell yourself --and others--that you have a problem and are working to fix it. I am telling as many people as I can because it makes me accountable to others, not just myself.
Hang in there--we've got your back.Comment
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Paw, just want to say we're here for you as you find your way out.:l:lYou, as much as anyone in the universe, deserve your love and respect. ~ BuddhaComment
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Can't add much more than has been said, other than give support. This is a turning point for you and a big opportunity. I'm glad you can see it! Keep those peepers wide open!sigpic
Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUTComment
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I feel for you. Many of us have been where you are now. I certainly have. It's a journey to make this change and be free of alc. I hope you find comfort in the thought that it may be hard at first, but it does get easier and the benefits are well worth the effort!Dill
Dont forget, you can: start late, start over, be unsure, try and fail AND STILL SUCCEED!
If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you will find an excuse.Comment
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Paw ... Missed you! :l Go back and read your previous thread when you were sober for 3 weeks. That's the person who you will be and better the longer you stay sober. I was afraid of who I would be without being drunk every night. I didn't want to be a stick in the mud, moping around the house all day. It's actually the opposite. I'm thinking quicker on my feet, have energy to get things done and am really happy despite the setbacks I've had the past few months. For the first time I understand what it is to "accept the things I cannot change". Now when it's something I know I can't change, I don't dwell on it. I accept it and move on to thinking about something else. The things I can change, I do. I never understood the AA Serenity Prayer before. But now I do.
I've been thinking about you and worried because we haven't heard from you. Please know that we are all here to help in any way that we can. :h
SKAF since 1/2009Comment
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I know that it seems very scary right now. People are always afraid of what they don't know or understand...You have taken a huge step toward recovery. Try to involve your wife in the process of getting well. It will take time but you can rebuild the trust and love if you start to get real...and do it now.
we are here to help you along the way.sigpicEyes on the PRIZE, a SOBER Future !!!Comment
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Can't add much to what has been said, Paw. All the very best to you and your wife. :lOkay, WHO put a stop payment on my reality check?
Winning since October 24th, 2013Comment
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Just another alkie here to support you."Decide-Which Voice in Your Head you Can Keep Alive" (Shinedown)Comment
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Thanks to everyone. EVeryone who has said that it will be a big burden off my shoulders is right. I think ultimately I needed someone close to me to support my problem. My wife emailed me and told me that we will get through this together.PAW:nutso:Comment
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Paws, much good advise here. I find that secrecy murders the very essence of a relationship. It's much better to deal with problems out in the open, because we spend so much valuable time covering our tracks.
Alcohol is like a poor bandaid on a severely festering wound. It keeps falling off and you need another bandaid as in "drink". Thus the wound never heals or never gets dealt with. You can do this and you will discover and love yourself once again.
Hugs and I am thinking about you.
Lori*Definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result* Albert EinsteinComment
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Paws, I think you have a very good opportunity to get it right. You know you must quit drinking. You have a wife who is willing to go through it with you. Don't make this harder than it is. You're at a crossroad right now, and you can come out a hero or a zero......it's that simple.
Take a proactive stance on it and get into it.....make it a mission. A welcome change to improve your life and relationships.
You can do it...it's all in your frame of mind.
DonComment
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