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**Seacailin** · January 23, 2009, 11:41 AM

Going to try to begin tonight. Pray.

My best advice for now is to "keep it in the day" Just do one day if you can. Each AF day is a gift in my opinion. You may want to read the MWO book if you have not already, and check out the Toolbox thread. Best wishes and prayers are with you. We are always here for support.

**Popeye** · January 23, 2009, 11:51 AM

Going to try to begin tonight. Pray.

Time2live....
That was a very good post. Not too long at all.
A lot of people here feel that they need to moderate their drinking; to enjoy the chance to relax with a glass or two in the evenings without going overboard. I'm not one of these however. I can't stop at all when I start, so I've resolved to stop. Just decide for yourself what you feel you need.
There's lots of help to be found on this site and the support is amazing.
Good luck.

**LVT25** · January 23, 2009, 12:16 PM

Going to try to begin tonight. Pray.

:welcome:

I couldn't imagine my life without beer. But I have learned that I can actually do all the things I like to do without it. And it's better. I understand your inner struggle though. I would also recommend you read the MWO book before you make your decision. I also think timing is important as far as planning your quit date. It's easier at first if you don't have to be around alcohol. But then again, sometimes we just need to bite the bullet and do what we need to do.

**ProjectileVomit** · January 23, 2009, 12:19 PM

Going to try to begin tonight. Pray.

I have the same problems, there's just too many opportunities, social engagements etc where it just makes a lot of sense to have a few drinks. To be honest tho, i don't see that as a huge problem having a few glasses, as you say you're not a binge drinker so it's not like you're going to go on a 3-day bender like I would. As Seacailin says an AF day is a gift, so start looking for opportunities to have AF nights and string a few together when you can is my advice.

**time2live** · January 23, 2009, 01:09 PM

Going to try to begin tonight. Pray.

Seacalin, thank you. I agree one day at a time is the way I have to do this. Thank you for the support Popeye. I think I am going to try to do the 30 days without alcohol if I can, but thinking about it only one day at a time.
LVT25, I did read the book twice. Most recently about a couple months ago when I managed to go 6 days. I sure think planning is important too. I've tried to really gear myself up for this, including drinking all the wine in the house. We do have other alcohol but I'm not even tempted by anything but wine. The trouble is, if I don't just do it now, I can think of so many things coming up that include alcohol that I may never do it if I don't just get started.
Projectile, no I won't go on a binge, but yet I can't go even one evening without alcohol either as some binge drinkers can. If I could take it or leave it, it would be great, but I can't. I have to have it every single night.
I'm going to go for my first night without alcohol tonight. Right now, I'm putting all the supplements together. I don't have topa but I do have all the rest of the stuff. I don't know if I can drink the powder stuff though.
I truly do hope I can do this. I think the posting does help and I think maybe I wouldn't have failed last time if I had done it. I became overconfident I think.

**Daffodil** · January 24, 2009, 08:22 AM

Going to try to begin tonight. Pray.

I too have to have my wine every night. Every single night. I did quit for five years, though, and did a lot of social events with a glass of club soda and a twist which looks like "something." Then back to the wine again--I don't exactly understand it--but moderation is not for me, I now see that--but this time quitting is excruciatingly difficult, not like the first time. I don't know why. I think it might be because now there are no children at home etc., husband works late and doesn't know or care, like you said. I have been forcing self to taper off and tonight I am going to do a substitute activity that is incompatible with the wine, which is go to the movies even if I have to go alone.

**nancy** · January 24, 2009, 08:30 AM

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Hi

I don't want to discourage you in your goals but have you thought of starting with taking one or two nights off your routine. Sunday maybe? Plan things early in the morning.

Sounds like you have a psychological dependence but not really a lot of problems due to drinking.

I don't know if this is possible for you to do but it's worth a shot. Then maybe you can cut nights off one by one. Or you could start by only having alcohol when you are out.

Or have you thought of stopping all occasions of drinking at home by yourself?

Seems like you might be the type of person who doesn't necessarily have to have an all or nothing solution. I hope so at least!

Nancy

**nancy** · January 24, 2009, 08:42 AM

Going to try to begin tonight. Pray.

maybe you could start with a few nights a week with no alcohol and schedule activities on those nights to get you out of the house. Plan something healthy and enjoyable. It sounds like even one day would be an achievement for you given the strength of what sounds like a psychological dependence.

I would also have an honest talk with your husband. Tell him that even though it's not causing major problems, you are worried because of your family history and because you are thinking about it so much and the health problems it might be causing. If you don't have much socially it might be because of indirect social pressure not to. Maybe if your husband knows you will be less likely to indulge.

**upnorthgirl** · January 24, 2009, 09:24 AM

Going to try to begin tonight. Pray.

handling vacations

Time2Live--
Good question! I really want to know the answer as well. I am trying sooo hard to be AF and it is a struggle in the best of circumstances. I already know that I will never be able to moderate.

My husband and I are going to an all-inclusive resort in March for our anniversary. This includes several parties with an open bar--and God knows I love a margarita in the sun! But I know if I start, I won't stop, will act stupidly, fall asleep and miss a great time.

My solution is this: I am starting Antabuse in a few weeks, and I am going to get Virgin Margaritas. I can still enjoy the flavor, the feel of the glass, the coldness. But I will also be "there" to enjoy the time with my husband. Well, that's the plan.

That, and lose 20 pounds so I don't spill out of my bathing suit!:H

**time2live** · January 24, 2009, 09:42 AM

Going to try to begin tonight. Pray.

One Night Successful!

I did it! One night alcohol free! I feel so proud of this even though I know it is a very meager accomplishment. The first night must be the toughest, right? I feel inordinately proud. And I think I can do it again tonight. I'm doing this ODAT!!

Yes, I was thinking about this dependence thing also and am quite sure it is completely psychological rather than physical in my case. I don't have any physical symptoms at all that I know of other than possibly the sleep thing. Is being psychologically dependent rather than phsically dependent unusual?
At any rate, I'm going to try to be completely alcohol free. If I absolutely can't do it, I will try just eliminating alcohol on certain nights but I do think I may be an all or nothing person. I guess what I'd ideally like to do is just have a glass of wine when we go out to dinner or on social occasions and that's it. Maybe that will work if I break my psychological dependence on drinking every night at home.

For now, I'm just feeling so happy. And I slept like a rock!! I slept for 10 hours last night and feel great this morning. I do think it may not entirely be because I had no alcohol last night since I didn't sleep much the night before. However, I am hoping my sleeplessness may decrease if I don't drink.

Nancy, you said maybe to have a talk with my husband and I know you're right but I guess deep in my heart I don't want him to know I have a problem which maybe is a sign that I really do have a problem. Honestly I think I don't want him to know because if I ever start drinking again, I don't want him to stand in my way. This is complete honesty talking. I know I said I want to stop but I'm afraid I won't. Doesn't say much for my commitment but I have to do this one step at a time.

**peacenik** · January 24, 2009, 11:37 AM

Going to try to begin tonight. Pray.

i understand totally about being honest with your husband. i have told my husband a few times that i am an alcoholic and that i want to moderate my drinking...he holds me to it and really gives me the disapproving eye if i drink. it is out of love and concern and after all i;m the one who told him i want to stop, so he thinks he is helping, but egad, i'm an adult!!!

i had to stop drinking wine becasue it was interferring with my life. i had hangovers and my body was telling me no!!!! i could drink 1-2.5 bottles a night, so you can see i was really overdoing it.

as others have said, it does sound like you have a psychological dependence. maybe you could indulge in other drinks at night like herbal teas (valerian helps you sleep) or juices with perrier, just to take the place of your wine glass.

when you go to your relatives who are connosouirs, why not become an "expert" on tea or coffee and bring that with you to share with them and give you an alternative to drinking wine?

i recently had a weekend with family who drink, there was wine everywhere! i took my supplements and reminded myself (often!) of how good i felt and how glad i would be to not have a hangover in the mornings so i could get outside and enjoy the snow.

it is a mindset change. life can be great fun without AL, you just have to be creative

good luck and keep posting, we are here for you!

**Janice** · January 24, 2009, 01:35 PM

Going to try to begin tonight. Pray.

time2live....I've only just seen your post. I am so pleased that you had an AF night, so very pleased for you. Day 1 is the hardest by far. Having a better night sleep should tell you something about how the alcohol is making you wake in the middle of the night. I have the same problem but I've been AF for a week now and I just LOVE going to bed knowing I'm going to sleep right through. I too am a wine drinker and at times feel devastated that I have to do without it but feeling this much better after only a few days motivates me to keep going. You will find that as you cross the days off, you will feel so much better and that will inspire you to keep going, wait and see.

Don't worry too much about the social occasions just yet, live for the present right now, look after yourself and decide whether you are going on the vits/supplements. You will be surprised what a difference they make.
L-glutamine is very good for the cravings, try taking it late afternoon to help with those evenings.

much love and good luck,

Janicexxx

**SAUSAGE** · January 24, 2009, 03:57 PM

Going to try to begin tonight. Pray.

Time 2 live
Your first post on this thread - i could have written it - it was exactly me - a daily drinker, started off a glass of wine, then 2, then 3, etc etc over months, years - if I'm honest i've been drinking heavily since my 2nd child was born, once I'd quit breastfeeding - like you , just as a way of relaxing, EVERY evening- I had postnatal depression, I then had a hysterectomy. (which also really got me down)... I kept on drinking.

I functioned pretty well - no-one guessed, I only really drank in my own home, if I went out socially I barely drank more than a glass, most people thought I was almost teetotal

I didn't realise it was affecting my health until I decided to quit - initally like you I thought I could mod, but soon went back to my old patterns within days - even after 107 AF days.

The 2nd time I "blew it" was after 56 AF days - on holiday / vacation I drank in October - I went into it with a very negative attitude - like how can I enjoy this without drinking, and surprise surpise I drank!!!

Click on some of my posts / threads, to read my story

It's tought at first, but you will see the benefits
You will sleep better but it will probably take a couple of weeks
you will have more energy
your skin will get better - you may think it looks OK now, but you will look better, believe me -everyone will compliment you on how well you look
you will almost certainly lose weight ( i lost 17lbs in 3 months, with very little modifcations to my diet) and I was drinking roughly the same amount as you
you will have more time for other things - you won't waste your evenings - you will have something to show for yourself
you will have more money
you will feel 20 yrs younger!!

the list goes on and on

You need to focus on the positives of not drinking and not just see yourself as deprived - otherwise you may stay AF by sheerwillpower but it will not be a happy existence

Read around here, post, learn from others

You can do it (your story is so like mine, which is why I'm responding to it) - look at others, most of us had more than one go

Rememeber - the only time you fail is the last time you try
A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step
Your new brilliant healthy AF life starts now....

Good luck with your journey!

**gyco** · January 24, 2009, 05:17 PM

Going to try to begin tonight. Pray.

hi time, its sounds to me nancy is rite,there's probably a lot here that wish they could do what your doing,i said it b4 a bottle of wine is not a lot, my wife has that and its only 2.5 glasses of wine,i think 2,3 4 bottles id be concerned with,you seem to moderate quite well,good luck to you and enjoy your retirement, your husband doesn't seem to concerned,but i have to add 1 more thing,something that bothers me, alot,alcoholic is a real harsh word,i would suggest to most here to look up the meaning,i was reading a pioneer doctor from the early 19th century Dr W silkworth,i think if your wondering look it up it might help you gyco

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