fraud

[skinny cow]

Hi all.
Well I made it past day four, the tough day. Then, at the very end of day five, it was quite late actually, i blew it. My hubby caught me and was totally was pissed, quite rightly because i was in a shocking state. I actually bought the al the day before so i obviously i was planning it in my head in advance, kind of 'just in case'. I hadn't been posting here and i hadn't gone to an aa meeting for a couple of days or been reading any of my books. I didn't want to post here because i feel like a fraud! On my sober days, I feel all strong and motivated, and then drip by drip, it starts to go away from me.

But I am back. A bit shaken. I know sunshine has said she isn't counting days anymore. And i can kind of see why, cause that can get to be sort of an obstacle. it just has to be 'i don't drink i am allergic' And i do hope to get in more sober days than not. I like the idea of progress not perfection. But my god, what i get from drinking now just seems so pointless compared to the grief, shame, horror, embarrasment, pain!

Anyway, sorry to rant. Good luck to those of you who are doing well! great to have this site

[sunshine_gg]

fraud

:l Skinny.

Good to have you back. I also set myself up for my last slip. I'm determined not to make it happen again.

[startingover]

fraud

Hi SK, well done for getting back on that wagon. Use this as a learning tool, so you know when your trigger is starting and you can do whatever you need to prevent it progressing..and yes, you are right, to drink for me too is just not worth any of the aggravation that it causes

[lilmea]

fraud

skinny,
So glad you're back. Recovery is also a learning process. Use this experience to make yourself stronger. Sounds like you're working on a good support system as well. Use it to your full advantage.

Have a good safe day.

[BecomingMeAtLast]

fraud

Good to hear your resolve, skinny. Your writing that you bought the booze a day early reminds me of some wonderful info I've read in The Heart of Addiction. I highly recommend that book, have you read it? Reading helps me, too.

I don't find your post a rant at all! It's honesty at it's best.

Take care,
Be

[skinny cow]

fraud

hey becoming me - I haven't read that book. I may order it on amzon. Thanks for the recommendation.:thanks: It's really just this year that i have accepted i have a problem - really just the last six months.

[BecomingMeAtLast]

fraud

You're doing great, then. It took me 30 years and I'm supposed to be smart?! I got it used on Amazon for just a few $$$. It's amazing.

Isn't this site so wonderful and supportive? I'm so different than I was a year ago. Right now, a year ago, I would be thinking about one thing...the big bottle of wine I would buy at exactly 4pm. Now I'm thinking about how fast I want to get my taxes done because I hate doing them! LOL! Drinking hasn't even entered my mind. It takes time, I think. For me it did. I'm glad you're here :l

[Boss.man]

fraud

It's part of the process. I found the more I quit, the more I crave. Or I guess; there's a trick to both quitting and also decreasing your urge to cheat, both at the same time.

When you slip, it means it's time to get up and try again, better than before. It's a process.

[gyco]

fraud

yo cow,ooooops dang your human,fraud no,theres an old saying what goes up always comes down,same as Al . isaid b4 24 hours thats all,then start all over again,cant change yesterday, and who really cares about tomorrow,you got folks here that have made mistakes, its not failure by the way it is an allergy, most doctors will tel, you that gyco

[upnorthgirl]

fraud

Skinny cow--welcome home!.

I have also bought some "just in case" booze in the past. Almost did it the other day, too. Fight the good fight, dear, and let us help.

[PHOTOGIRL]

fraud

HEY, SKINNY COW .....
First of all I admire you for being so upfront and truthfull - not sure if I could do or be the same. Well done and don't beat yourself up about it. Secondly, you're not alone. Had I not had 2 different bottles of gin in the cupboard at differing levels tonight (and a hubbie who was away on a night out) - I would have been very, very, very tempted to go and buy an additional bottle so maybe he wouldn't have noticed that on a Monday night his wife was having a sneaky G&T. Mind you, maybe if he was here and I didn't feel as alone/by myself, ..... maybe I wouldn't have needed a drink. At the end of the day it's a HABIT and if you've got one of those personalities that get's attached (am not going to use the word addictive!) to things ... then maybe you are not ALL to blame. If I'm with people who are strong and not drinking, I'm not bothered. If I'm by myself and I'm thinking .... God, I'm lonely, I'll have a drink .... then that's 1 night out of my 4 A/F that I can automatically kiss good-bye to ..... why? If only I was born with the brains (and strength !) that I was born with! Keep strong - you'll be fine!

[Blanchieboo]

fraud

Skinnycow, you are at the right place. It was so brave of you to tell your story. I think we have all been there and we all understand.
Sometimes, I think that each obstacle and set back just helps us to move forward.
Stay possative. You have the will to do this. That is why you are here! You can do it!