Once again not been able to check in for a couple of days. I usually check by at work (as I don't really have internet at home).
How has it been going? Well it's been a struggle pretty much for the past week and a half or two. Don't ask why cause I dont' know. It's been 48 days since my last drop of AL and I guess I should be thankful and more than positive.
As many of you will know that same has been the case since the beginning of December. But the last 2 weeks? I don't know. Guess the "honeymoon" Periode of being AF is over, the constant high of running around sober has worn off and I am starting having to face that life is still difficult and hardly a stroll even though one is sober. Basically every single problem I had blamed on Alcohol and I am slowly waking up to the reality that not all problems are gone just because I stopped drinking
I still feel that I am not all the husband I want to be and not the best dad I can be.
Yes. Things are a lot better. But I am still unpatient. I am irritable at times (which previously I had thought was only due to either being drunk or hungover) and I feel that I have replaced the bad habit of drinking with a whole host of other bad habits. The AL cravings also seem to be appearing more frequently again than they had and some times I wonder why I am still doing this and am not just having a good time like everybody else.
Even worse, for some reason and I do not know why, I have stopped taking the Antabuse about 5 or so days or so. (meaning that theoretically slowly but surely I would be able to drink again from a medical point). I actually had a slice of cake yesterday that by mistake had contained a tiny bit of AL and I did not have a Antabuse reaction.
Not having been able to come here for the last 2 weeks also hasn?t made things any easier or better.
Well?.. It comes down to this. I guess I have been a good sport for the last couple of weeks and must have seemed to be in good spirits permanently. Right now I guess I could do with a bit of encouragement?! I feel like I am about to hit rock bottom again.
Luv you all lots.
Johnny
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