I'm new to this forum

[aprilmoon]

I'm new to this forum

savon19;559867 wrote: Unless there are two "Aprilmoons'... you have been here since Jan. '09 and have posted 312 times!

No comprendo...?!

I didn't think you could use the same username as someone else, but if that's what happened, it's also odd that you use the same avatar...

LOL it's still the same ole me.......I'm just blogging on my old thread when I was new. I'm doing this just for a little while to help me......

How are you doing?

[savon19]

I'm new to this forum

OH, thanks for explanation! I was confooosed.

Not only am I not doing well with AF... but I think I'm getting Worse. And I "almost" don't care. I know in my head what is good for me to do, but just can't seem to do it.

I'm hoping that something will "click" SOON, and I get back on board...

I thought you just had 30 days AF? Please tell me you're not on Day 1 again!?

[aprilmoon]

I'm new to this forum

savon19;560118 wrote: OH, thanks for explanation! I was confooosed.

Not only am I not doing well with AF... but I think I'm getting Worse. And I "almost" don't care. I know in my head what is good for me to do, but just can't seem to do it.

I'm hoping that something will "click" SOON, and I get back on board...

I thought you just had 30 days AF? Please tell me you're not on Day 1 again!?

I'm on 32 and so far so good....

[aprilmoon]

I'm new to this forum

33 Days AF...I think...no I haven't drank since 1/28/09, but I have lost count and I can't find my calendar. LOL

Well, the past two days I seem to be the brunt of a sick joke. Rebekka and another poster who is probably the same person has been mean to me in threads and in pm's. What a joke of a person. Yes, it pissed me off. No, it didn't make me want to drink. I feel sorry for her and that is that.

I have a list of things to do today, but I would rather just sit on the couch and watch TV. I gotta get moving and get my list done.

I'm doing good.....going for a AF March!!!!!

[hope10]

I'm new to this forum

Good for you Aprilmoon!!! Have you used any supps, meds, or hypno cds or have you just quit on your own? I am trying to use all of the "tools" from the book. I really thought before finding this site that my only hope was AA.

Sweet tea has always been a fav. drink of mine too and is really getting me through many a night of cravings. Lemonade is a good alternative too

You are an inspiration!!!

[aprilmoon]

I'm new to this forum

hope10;560996 wrote: Good for you Aprilmoon!!! Have you used any supps, meds, or hypno cds or have you just quit on your own? I am trying to use all of the "tools" from the book. I really thought before finding this site that my only hope was AA.

Sweet tea has always been a fav. drink of mine too and is really getting me through many a night of cravings. Lemonade is a good alternative too

You are an inspiration!!!

No, I haven't taken any meds. I'm thinking of getting some Milk Thistle to help with any Liver problems I may have.

To quit AL, it took me being drunk for so long and knowing how crappy I felt and then when I told my husband I needed to quit he agreed. Dang, he wasn't supposed to do that. LOL

[aprilmoon]

I'm new to this forum

Bump for some of the newbies!

It's day 70 AF for me. Someone on the ODAT thread asked how I have stayed AF and I wanted to share my story with her, but I knew it was here somewhere. That is why I'm bumping this up.

How have I stayed AF???
All I can say to that is by the Grace of God. I have been on and off AF for years since I was in my late 29's, so going AF isn't new to me. I'm saying that to say that I have also had years of binge drinking and trying to stay AF, so I am not bragging. I'm just stating the facts.

Will I stay AF?
Only God knows! I hope so. Having about 8 months of drinking after my precious dog died, I can only hope I have learned lessons. Drinking didn't bring her back or make me feel any better about loosing her. It made me feel worse. I know I'll have more losses in my life unless I go before my friends and family so I have to just remember those 8 months and know that I have a decision to make....drink or not drink.

Did I take meds?
No I did not. I'm on meds for other things and even though people here assured me that it probably would be okay to mix the two, I decided that my liver didn't need anymore meds.

Do I want to drink?
Heck yeah, I want to drink. The cravings are gone, but my mind tells me occassionally how wonderful it would be to drink just a little. My husband goes on trips for weekends every now and again. At first I actually planned to get me a bottle and drink it up while he was gone. He would never know! Yes, he would. I'm too honest of a person not to tell him. He has been so helpful and inspirational to me that I don't want to let him down. Of most importance, I'm tired of letting me down. I'm worth being all the person I can be. Rum just made me a bad person in my mind. Of course after about 2 or 3 drinks that feeling of being a bad person decreased. I would think, drinking isn't that bad. I can handle this. Then 4 or 5 drinks later I would be Woo Hoo I'm feeling good and to heck with being sober. Then 8-10 drinks later I'd be so drunk and drinking more until I passed out. The next morning I would wake up and say I'm never gonna drink again to only start drinking again around 5PM. Oh I love the feeling Rum gives me. I still remember it. I still want that feeling. I just hate me the day after.

Will I ever be able to mod my drinking?
NOPE. I do admire anyone who can mod. I know me. I drink to get drunk. I have actually had one drink at a special occassion in the past (not in my 70 days AF) and had no problem with it. Only to have to come home and drink and drink and drink. I'm a closet drinker. I would never ever drink out in public like I did in private. No, I'm too prim and proper to do that. I go to church. Nobody knows the problem I have. Sounds all good two shoes, doesn't it? I am not so naive to think that other people didn't know I had a problem. Also, I'm not naive enough to think that there are not other closet drinkers in my church (I'm Baptist). I am, however, a very private person. It's my problem and I would never go to an AA meeting for fear I'd see people from my church there. LOL I would rush in liquor stores for fear I would see someone I knew in the parking lot. Crazy, I know. But to answer the question....NO, I can not mod.

What I wish for you?
I wish hope and happiness. I wish many many AF days so that you can be all you can do. I end most of my post with "I wish you the best in your journey". I don't know where I got that. I may have seen someone post that on this websit, I don't know. It's true! Your life is your journey. We all get to make decisions that effect our life. Each of you know that drinking isn't a positive thing in your life. I'm not perfect and neither are any of you. We do things every day that we wish we could take back. Drinking only makes us do more things that we can not take back.

We can't take back the not knowing what we did or said while drinking.
We can't take back the hurt feelings others have had because of our drinking.
We can't take back the days we wasted drinking and not living life to our fullest.
We can't take back all the money we spent on our poison.
The list goes on and on.

I wish for you to make every day count! Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make your tomorrow wonderful knowing that today you didn't drink. I have 70 days AF and those days have been lived without regret. I have been here for my family. I have been here for me and I know I have been destined to be here for some of you! So if any of what I have gone thru can help just one person here.....I've done my job.

I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST IN YOUR JOURNEY!

:l:l:l:l

[polaryzed]

I'm new to this forum

Aprilmoon - Great Job!

Excellent that you are doing so well, and even better that you feel good about who you are and therefore do Not listen to negative threads. Way to GO!

For me YOU ARE A VERY STRONG AND EMPOWERING PERSON . . . :l

Bless you . . .

[startingover]

I'm new to this forum

What a wonderful post April!!

[Evie.Lou]

I'm new to this forum

April, That was a very thoughtful post...THANK YOU and CONGRATULATIONS on 70 DAYS...well done !!!

[polaryzed]

I'm new to this forum

Oh yes and . . .

Congratulations AprilM . . . Great Job!

[aprilmoon]

I'm new to this forum

Polorized, I just got back on here. I guess I need to read some threads to know who you are talking about.

[Doggygirl]

I'm new to this forum

Congratulations April on your 70 days. More important, congratulations on all the truth you have faced about you real relationship with AL. Being honest with ourselves is critical to achieving our goals, and yet it is very hard to do sometimes. Great post!

DG