Sad today :(

[Summer09]

Hi All, I am feeling really really sad today!! I found this site a few weeks ago and got so excited, every story reminded me of me!! Armed with my supps, cd's and meds I felt super motivated.... I managed 4 days AF the first week, 1 day AF last week and this week I've been drunk every night I stupidly underestimated how hard all this is. I know everyone keeps saying not to be too hard on ourselves but I'm really disappointed in myself. I felt a compulsion to "make up" for the nights I'd missed. It's so messed up though because I felt really proud of myself the days I didn't drink! I have 3 children under 5 and I really want to nail this crap before they become aware Mummy is a drunk :upset: Anyway just needed to pour my heart out, thanks for listening.

xx Summer09

[ezzmae]

Sad today

Hi Summer. It is easy to become overwhelmed with the task of becoming sober. That is why initially you need to take it only one day at a time, and at sometimes of those days you need to take it one hour at a time. You are probably aware of your triggers to drink, as a Mum in Australia with 2 kids under 5, we probably share many of them. When you feel that first urge to drink in the day think of something that you could do to distract you instead. Even if it is logging on here and asking for support.

You did really well that first week, you can do it. It takes a long time to become a drinker, we cannot become completely sober overnight.

[matthen]

Sad today

Good luck and be a little bit easy on yourself. This getting sober definitely is not easy. Lots of confused thinking and jittery nerves, etc. It is a process not the "event" we hope for. One step, one day at a time. I am sober now for 5 months after working to get sober for years, with years of failure. I hope you will make it to sober much faster than I did, but it is a slog with some false starts, some failure and eventual success. Go for it because being a drunk is not fun anymore, as you know. Good luck and God bless. Post often and tell us how you are doing.

[polaryzed]

Sad today

Summers R Us

I hear your pain and I know what it is like to rear children these days, very difficult. My motto is "No Shame, No Blame" that's why I love this web-site. I've only been here a couple of days myself. But it keeps me busy reading and writing. The compassion I've found so far is nothing less then amazing!

And I am sure having kids keeps you extremely busy. Yesterday and this morning I was in MWO web-site cuz I couldn't find a way to motivate myself to pick up my paints and canvas. I no sooner logged off and found myself a few minutes later priming 5 canvases.

As I said in an earlier thread today, "it takes overnight for the primer to dry out"
{Wish I Could}. Then I came back on MWO to ask for quidance on being motivated again tomorrow. Now, I am feeling confident.

Keep sharing and it will help you work this out of your life . . . God Bless!

[rubywillow]

Sad today

Summer, I'm having a very bad, sad day myself, after quite a while here. No, not drinking, just kind of lost today. I know I'll find my way thru this, w/o AL. We ALL have bad times, and now is mine. Just know, there's no magic cure, and AL sure don't help!!! Keep asking for help here, if you feel you might cave. Keep working on your plan. My depression is different, just wanted you to know that everyone has bad time even when they have put AL in the past. Good luck, dearie. There are good, good people here. Ask for help!!
Ruby

[aprilmoon]

Sad today

If there is a majic cure for drinking...I want it. You just keep on keeping on. We can do this.

[Sarasmiles]

Sad today

Sadness overwhelms me, too, sometimes, Summer. And with kids ( I have three young ones myself) the guilt is like a crushing weight on my chest. Can you take it one day at a time for a bit? Check in each night to say how it's going....Share the joys of your successes, and don't be afraid to admit your mistakes. We've all been there, in one form or another. I'll look for you on this "sadness" thread you started, if you like. Sending you true empathy, from one mom to another...Sara

[witchywoman]

Sad today

hi Summer, its not an overnight cure, ( wish that it was) but it is a new journey, one we have to commit too. it about baby steps, progress not perfection, hold on to your commitment to being a real Mum to your children, not drunk mummy, that they end up taking care off,
Post lots, read lots. we are here as a sounding board, someone here will have been in your specific situation & will be able to give you their perspective.
Good Luck

[Popeye]

Sad today

Hi Summer,
It's definately not easy. I've fallen off the wagon so many times. I did manage a long spell AF a while back, but like so many people who want to give it up completely, I thought I would be OK just to have a few glasses. A few turned to a lot, and one night turned to many nights and it wasn't long till I was nearly back to the bad old days. Lots of us here can moderate, and I'm glad that many are managing to do so, but I personally can't. It's not as if I drink to be sociable. I'd quite happily sit and get wasted on my own. I digress.....

It took me a while to realise what I wanted; the kind of person I want to be, and booze doesn't have any part to play in achieving that. But there's always that little nagging voice that thinks it knows what you want better than you do. It's hard, sometimes very hard to slap it down, but it does get easier with time. You have to be patient with yourself and not let all the progress you make be obliterated by the fact that you've had a drink. It's all about learning about yourself and finding the ways to remain positive and the reasons that you want to make your world a more content and happy place to be.

I first came here in November 2006 with a fuzzy head, riddled with self-loathing and and desire to beat my habit. Since then, with the help and support of many here, and others, I've learned a great deal about myself and the thought processes I use to convince myself that I want a drink. Yet I don't want to drink. Still, I somehow come to the conclusion that I do. I don't know how many times I'd find myself walking to the shop in a sort of trance, knowing deep inside that I didn't want a drink, talking myself into it until I actually had it in my hand. It's crazy! I don't want to be the drunkest guy at a party....again, or the man who wakes up with a battered and bruised because some other drunk took offence. Those days are gone. Every day that I can stay sober is one more day that I can build on. Another chance to be who I want to be. Life really is too short to be spending it like I used to. I'm in a very positive state of mind right now and I have ambition and plans. I know that there will be times when I am sorely tested, but I'm prepared now, I hope.

Sorry for going on...

Don't give up giving up Summer.

[gkej0507]

Sad today

Hang in there Summer. You can do it. If only for your children, you can do it.

[summerrose]

Sad today

Hi Summer, I am new also, but my children are now at the other end of the scale. One just left home, (nearly 19) and another 15 and when they were very young it was so easy to reach for a glass of wine at night "adult time" 5.00pm acid hour...... to get through all that needed to be done, bath, dinner, bed, etc etc etc, my husband was never home as we ran our own business and was always home late, so I did the lot.Some nights I had 1 or 2 wines too many and now as I sit here with my eldest child just left home it honestly feels like only yesterday and when it was all happening, older people around me would say, cherish this time because it will be gone in the blink of an eye, and you know at the time I just thought, no way I just need a good nights sleep. But you know, they were so right and now she is gone ( moved interstate for study reasons) and I miss her all the time and if I could take anything back it would be those nights I had 1 or 2 too many wines. I am moderating and have been for some time with great success thanks to my way out. Stay positive and know that you are absolutely doing the best thing for you and your children. One day you will look back at this and be thankful that you did.

[DeeBee]

Sad today

Summer, you have been give great advice here. Hang in there, keep posting, keep reading.... YOU CAN DO THIS!!

[matthen]

Sad today

Summer -- I hope today is better, let us know how you are doing. Warm hugs.

[KateH1]

Sad today

Hi All,
No, this is not easy....even with all of the tools...honestly...the constant "slips" make it even harder! I think because we tend to begin to just take the slips more and more casually. We think...what the heck...I am just going to have one or two.....tomorrow is another day.....I deserve a drink because....excuses, excuses, excuses......and thus it goes! Though I do not believe in guilt and self recrimination.......I also do believe that we do have to be somewhat hard on ourselves. We simply cannot make slips and slides our norm and call it quitting!!

Why not set a quit date, get prepared and then tell yourself that even one drink is no longer an option! Remember, as long as well allow AL into our lives........Al stays in charge!!

Best Wishes!
Kate

[Accountable for Me]

Sad today

One of the hardest things about quitting is letting go of the guilt. Stop feeling guilty. Your kids can be great motivators; but you have to do this for you.

Forgive yourself first and foremost and keep trying. It isn't easy... by any means. Your kids, although young would be very proud of you for dealing with this. It isn't like you are sitting there not caring about anything and drinking yourself to death. Stop beating yourself up. OK?

Be proud of yourself for wanting to change!!!