This will end my marriage

[Pan]

This will end my marriage

Each day I wake with a resolve to stop drinking and smoking. This morning I panicked because I didn't have enough wine in the fridge, just in case I needed it. So, I went out and bought another cask. My heart was telling me not to, but my head won. However, I have set a date for not drinking anymore, or for that matter, smoking. It is Wednesday this week. Please keep up with the support I am going to need. I don't have a special time for drinking, it's just when I feel like it. I'm alone and bored, but I am going to try and fix that. Well, the bored bit anyway. I live on the coast and love photography which has been neglected because I have to drive to the beach 1km away. When I do manage to get there, I am very proud of my photography. Drink takes over and I don't get there. I would also like to try and organise some clients for my business. That is my goal. I just need some tough talk for the next few days to get me to the point where I feel good enough about myself to stop drinking. I have stopped drinking in the past, but only for a few weeks. I remember how good I felt, but there was always that something missing from my life. I have had a friend who was a big drinker who did try (literally) to destroy my marriage in a drunken binge. I like the analogy that michelle said that you wouldn't let a friend destroy your life. Well, she nearly did and strangely I still want to hang on to her friendship, although I haven't visited her, even tho she only lives a couple of streets away. I feel there is something haywire in my brain that I would still want to be friends with a person who tried to destroy my marriage (even tho she doesn't remember) and the wine is doing the same thing, all by myself. Am I destroying my thought processes by drinking so heavily I wonder.

[Pan]

This will end my marriage

Each day I wake with a resolve to stop drinking and smoking. This morning I panicked because I didn't have enough wine in the fridge, just in case I needed it. So, I went out and bought another cask. My heart was telling me not to, but my head won. However, I have set a date for not drinking anymore, or for that matter, smoking. It is Wednesday this week. Please keep up with the support I am going to need. I don't have a special time for drinking, it's just when I feel like it. I'm alone and bored, but I am going to try and fix that. Well, the bored bit anyway. I live on the coast and love photography which has been neglected because I have to drive to the beach 1km away. When I do manage to get there, I am very proud of my photography. Drink takes over and I don't get there. I would also like to try and organise some clients for my business. That is my goal. I just need some tough talk for the next few days to get me to the point where I feel good enough about myself to stop drinking. I have stopped drinking in the past, but only for a few weeks. I remember how good I felt, but there was always that something missing from my life. I have had a friend who was a big drinker who did try (literally) to destroy my marriage in a drunken binge. I like the analogy that michelle said that you wouldn't let a friend destroy your life. Well, she nearly did and strangely I still want to hang on to her friendship, although I haven't visited her, even tho she only lives a couple of streets away. I feel there is something haywire in my brain that I would still want to be friends with a person who tried to destroy my marriage (even tho she doesn't remember) and the wine is doing the same thing, all by myself. Am I destroying my thought processes by drinking so heavily I wonder.

[Pan]

This will end my marriage

Ripple;534516 wrote: P ... what does Topamax do to your feet? How long did you use Topa?

So when hubby is away you over-indulge instead of relaxing and enjoying peace with yourself? Why does he leave you? So what if the marriage ends. We have to emotionally seperate from husbands (i do) in order to abstain. Its not forever. You have to be you and he has to be him. What keeps me sober is NOT caving in when he is out drinking.

Read about us here.. we all have similar issues..

Ripple..:l

Okay, I'm not sure how to reply. This may go only to you or to the whole shebang. Topamax made my feet tingle very badly. So badly that I had to stamp my feet to stop it and it didn't work. Sort of like pins and needles. I was caught in a bushfire and found it hard to walk. That's when I stopped taking the Topa. I was on it for a few months. When hubby is away I don't have peace because he leaves me because of my drinking and then I drink more because I'm so upset he's left and I know it's mostly my fault. My husband does not drink. I have set a date to stop - Wednesday this week. My husband will be back in 10 weeks and I hope that I will have gone through all the hard times by then. I was about to say, IF I stop, but at this time, I have set my goal and really hope I can keep it. I want him to find a new wife in me when he returns. My big problem is going to be returning to our usual place of residence in a town I detest. The people are unfriendly and I don't have any friends there. It's in the outback almost. My home town is on the coast in a different state and is a tourist area. Very friendly and I do have friends. Going back to his home town will be very hard.

[Pan]

This will end my marriage

:thanks: Can someone tell me how to reply to individual posts instead of filling up the forum with stuff that may not be relevant, please. I do appreciate all your support. I'm not sure what I am posting, so please forgive me if I repeat myself. I have given myself a date of Wednesday this week to go "cold turkey". I don't have any funds to purchase supplements, so I'm on my own. I am going to be drinking during now and Wednesday, but I need motivation to stop on "my date".

[AMELIA]

This will end my marriage

Hi Panicked,
It is great that you are focusing on a date to stop drinking and smoking.

Those two things seperately would be huge achievements......do you think you may be asking too much of yourself to quit both in one day? It might be easier on you if you quit one first and wait until you are through the first couple of weeks of 'rough' then focus on quiting the other?

Perhaps if it is alcohol you want to give up first, you could cut down by a measured amount, each day from now until your start day.

If you really do think you can stop drinking and smoking on the same day..go for it girl....sending you all my strength.

I am not sure what you mean about replying to individual posts? We are replying to a thread that you started, in which you are also posting back to us.

The forum is made up of thousands of posts by many many people on a range of topics - mostly alcohol related. I am not sure what you mean?
Anyhow, a very good morning to you (it's nearly 7am here in the UK).
Hope your day goes well.

[AMELIA]

This will end my marriage

Oh, if you want to delete a post you made (I see you have posted one twice by accident),
just click the 'edit' tab at the bottom of that post and delete or edit it.

[Sweaty Betty]

This will end my marriage

Hi Panicked, if you want to send a reply only to one person you can send a Private Message (PM). Click on the persons name (in blue) at the top of the message they sent and then choose 'send a private message to' and off you go. You can test on me if you like! You are notified when you have a private message yourself in the box at the top of the page where it says 'Welcome Panicked. Hope that makes sense. B.

[aprilmoon]

This will end my marriage

Panicked.... You are half my age. I have been thru so many years of doing just what you have done. I would panic on a Saturday if I didn't have enough of my poison. (RUM).

I am so glad you came here. I'm new and on day 5 of being AF. This place and the positive help from my husband has helped me.

Amelia has said....trying to stop 2 bad habits at once could be overwhelming. I smoke too. I know it's killing me just as fast as the AF, but I have to kill one demon at a time. Good Luck.

I come to this site daily for inspiration. It's helped me so much. The people are real and honest in trying to help. YOU CAN DO THIS. I will be thinking of you on Wednesday!!!!

[upnorthgirl]

This will end my marriage

We are here for you, Panicked

Don't worry about posting too much--if you need to share your thoughts, do so. We all do.
That's why this forun is here. Join in or start a new thread when you need support.

BTW--you said in one post you may need tough love...I can be a big B**ch to you if you want...:H but maybe you need TLC more??

[Pan]

This will end my marriage

Upnorthgirl. Your advice to change my route so I don't pass a liquor store was very good. Unfortunately, where I live, no matter what route I take, there are liquor stores in abundance. Even where I grocery shop. Everywhere. It's going to be quite a challenge. I also just worked out how much I have spent on alcohol and it's about the same amount as you - $12,000. Then add on about $20,000 for cigarettes! I could have almost paid off my mortgage.

So, Wednesday is the day for me. No more wine and no more ciggies. It's all very well saying that now, because I have both, but my husband is starting to work out how much I spend and before I have a confrontation over that I have to stop. He'll leave me if I don't.

[gyco]

This will end my marriage

good name,panicked,good advice is usually helpful,inspirational talking,i feel much the same as you,drank much the same,not only you but your hubby need to talk to a councillor of sort,sometimes you need a 3 rd party,that's what happened in my case,some people have a better gift of explaining whats going on,plus in the end i finally went to treatment,not that i cared to or not that theres not repercussions from it, without it,i might not have the understanding i do now,i said it in an earlier thread, that's why its called alcoholism,it is the most misunderstood ILLNESS in the WORLD i do hope this helps and good luck gyco

[Pan]

This will end my marriage

Wow! Yes, I am unsure how to fill the space. I live in a wonderful environment. I don't appreciate it like I should. I really don't know, because as the time gets closer to quitting everything that I've been addicted to, I am scared. But, I am determined. The space I fill with drinking is lonliness and being alone. That is going to be the really hard bit. I'm doing this without my husband or supplements. I just cannot afford that and can't get it here anyway. My internet access when I most need it is non-existent most of the time. Even tho I am doing this alone in my personal life, I thank you all for your support. One day left until turning my life around.

[Pan]

This will end my marriage

Hey all, give me hell. I don't want to fail. I cannot log on much when I want to, but please send me messages that just tell me what I've promised myself. I will log on when I can. I need you to keep me on track. I already know this is going to be very hard.

[Pan]

This will end my marriage

Okay, guys and girls, I'm in trouble. Is there anyone there at the moment?

[startingover]

This will end my marriage

Whats up Panicked?