Discussing AL with your loved ones

[KateH1]

Discussing AL with your loved ones

garlando......As long as you are more worried about being "Able to Drink", without the concern or criticism from those around you, the harder this will be for you to beat! Think about it, no one would be concerned, nor would they be critical were your drinking not a problem.

I am not being critical of you, this is all new to you and you are still sorting through all of this and thinking and learning how you will go about this. But, I will tell you this, for the past year and a half I have watched members go about solving their drinking issues, and bar none, those that are honest with themselves and go AF, for at least 30 days and do not budge on this......fair way better in the long run.

Best Wishes on your Speedy Recovery!
Kate

[upnorthgirl]

Discussing AL with your loved ones

talking about it

Well, I have been pretty honest about it to most people--it's not like they didn't know, especially my husband. I did most (but certainly not all) of my drinking at home, and he has picked me up off the floor and put me to bed many times. He doesn't really talk about it much, though, so I had to make him understand that I was an alcoholic. He still insists that I would be okay if I just let him mix my drinks-- My daughters are grown up and do not live at home, but within a few miles. They hated me drinking--the DUI's (that's DIALING under the influence, never driving), the idiot behavior at gatherings. Totally forgettting I even talked to them.

Most of my siblings were unaware that I was as bad as I was...and I could always just say I took a Benedryl for my allergies. But I did sit down with all of them and tell them my sordid secrets, so they are being supposrtive.

I am also lucky in that I have several very good friends who are supporting me. I do not tell people at work, even my friends there (though anyone with half a brain should be able to tell the difference between a near-daily hangover and a never-ending "sinus infection" or allergies.) :H I did tell one person there, but she no longer speaks to me. guess I forgot to inform her it was not contageous Well, she must not have been a true friend after all.

I have talked to my mother about it as well, and that is more difficult--she is a RAGING alcoholic--rehabbed many times. Blames everyone else, imagines things, rants and raves, a mean drunk. But still refuses to admit she is an alcoholic. Of course, she tells me I am not one.

I am glad I no longer drink.

[aprilmoon]

Discussing AL with your loved ones

I talked to my husband before I found this website. He and I have had this talk before in the past. He is ready to help me. Since he does not drink or rarely does I am lucky to have a sober husband to help. No, I have not told anyone else. A few know I have issues with AL, but some would never think of me even as a social drinker. I hid all my drinking at home. So to tell them, would open it up for them to ask so many questions I am not ready to answer..example....when do you drink...I never knew etc.

I feel that I have told the one person who has been affected by it most and the person who can help me the most.....my husband.

[upnorthgirl]

Discussing AL with your loved ones

My husband does not drink either, so I realize how hard this is for him to understand. Yes, You have great support there April.

For me, I like having more people know--I think I feel that if they do, I will try harder ????
Of course, I do have a tendency to talk..a lot..anyway.

[Accountable for Me]

Discussing AL with your loved ones

EDIT: Sorry, I guess I misunderstood what was being asked. Bottom line for me is that when I told people about my drinking problem it had a very negative impact on my life.

[sunshine_gg]

Discussing AL with your loved ones

AFM... that's horrible... I'm so sorry you've had such awful experiences

But.. we've gotten away from the issue; Yes, we all know that honesty is necessary and in my case, there have been some talks with my partner, my children, and my parents. That's not the issue.

My question is... if/when your partner knows and agrees that you have a problem and is very supportive of you getting whatever help you need, etc... why is it so difficult to discuss the daily struggle? Even the FACT that it IS A DAILY STRUGGLE?

[Evie.Lou]

Discussing AL with your loved ones

Well I have really given this some thought. I guess back when i was having trouble admitting to my Hubby about my on going struggles it was all EGO based. I think that my Ego wouldn't let me say it out loud. If i keep my mouth shut it was less REAL and there was no personal embarrassment over what i saw as MY WEAKNESS...I no longer feel that way. After much SOUL SEARCHING I see myself through clearer eyes. I am finally comfortable in my own skin and am grateful for the lessons that AL taught me about humility.

[Accountable for Me]

Discussing AL with your loved ones

I think it may be hard because of ego. We don't want to feel less of a person because we have an addiction.

I understand what you are saying. You will feel more comfortable to discuss this with him/whoever in time on your terms; I guess.

[upnorthgirl]

Discussing AL with your loved ones

AFM

That is so sad what your family has done to you. You stay strong and come HERE for the love :h and support :l you need. Forget them.

I wonder if they are upset because you admitted your problem and are working to fix it and they are not??? I do have one friend who keeps insisting I do not have a problem and encouraging me to drink with her. I think she is afraid of losing her drinking buddy. Needless to say, I can't go anywhere with her that has booze, if I can help it.

You stick with us and with those of your friends who will have your back.

[lilmea]

Discussing AL with your loved ones

sunshine,
My hubby is supportive and he is glad that I'm not drinking. years ago I use to try and explain how much of a struggle this is for me. But I don't any more. Because he just doesn't get it. It's not that he doesn't want to understand he just can't understand.

Why do you think it's so hard for you to talk about this with your spouse. I'm asking this in a loving way. Maybe you don't want him to know how much you do struggle sometimes?

Just throwing things out there. rambling. :smile:

[KateH1]

Discussing AL with your loved ones

AFM.....That is just plain AWFUL! And I agree, totally hypocritical! But, I think we have to think about this and accept what is truly going on here. For instance, my sister, who I know AFM...you know something about!! My sister is a drug addict/alcoholic and an all around nasty person with a total lack of integrity......needless to say, I have not bothered to discuss this with her....what would be the point? She is not now, nor has she ever been supportive or a friend....I would expect no support only recrimination from her........point is.....it is about who she is and not who I am! I think the same could be said for your family. But....you have a family here...and WE Love and Adore YOU!!!:l

For a long time now, when I speak of my family I mean my husband, my children and my grandchildren.....period!!:h

[peacenik]

Discussing AL with your loved ones

it used to be very hard for me to be open with my husband about how difficult it is for me not to drink. i would stop for a few days and tell him about it to sort of make him think everything was fine and he'd think i was not drinking for weeks at a time...i was though. and when i would tell him how hard it was for me to stop, he'd suggest aa or rehab, and i didn't want to go that route. now that i am being honest and do tell him when i'm having a hard day, he is understanding and let's me be me (whatever me it is that day!). he's always been supportive of me stoppping, but i wasn't honest with myself about how damn hard it is, and tried to make it seem like it was easier for me than it truly was/is.

i am honest with my daughter to a point as she is only 10. i told her i am stopping drinking wine because it isn't good for me and that makes her happy.

[sunshine_gg]

Discussing AL with your loved ones

Yep, we're getting closer now.... you're right, I don't want to admit how much I indeed struggle. To someone who doesn't know this struggle it must seem utterly pathetic and weak.

The other part, I think, is that I don't want to admit how bad I have let it become. I really am terribly ashamed that I haven't put the kibosh to it before now.

Hmm... I will really have to give this more thought. I have a week where he's away... maybe I can come up with a solution. I don't want him to feel shut out.. of all the people in the world, I do NOT want to shut HIM out.

Thanks for the food for thought...
I'm so glad you guys are here.. thank you.

[dill]

Discussing AL with your loved ones

I don't get it. You've been honest about having a drinking problem and that you are trying to fix it. Beyond that, how much can discussing it with him help? I mean, like lilmea mentioned, she talked about it with her husband, but he really couldn't understand. See, I don't think my Mr. W would be able to understand. I just would rather let it be the way it is. I work on it, he knows I am. I can talk with my MWO friends and others that have the problem for support. I get support from my husband, as he is the greatest guy, and he is loving. But talking about this with him? Well, I mean, obsessing about this with him? I just can't. I don't want to. I don't want alc to have that big a footprint on our relationship. Does that make any sense? Well, that's just me and how I am handling it. I could be wrong, but that's how it works for me right at the moment. Let me know if you come up with any insights this week!

[sunshine_gg]

Discussing AL with your loved ones

No, not obsessing.

Example: Quiet time at the end of the day... he asks.. "so how are you doing.. how are you coping?" .. I literally choke up. "ok, fine". Even when I'm not.

Example: He said quite some time ago: "I don't know when you're having a hard time, I have to trust that you'll let me know. That you'll tell me when you want to go buy a big bottle of wine and need someone to stop you..." - I haven't done that once. I have occasionally come here and asked for help, for someone to talk me out of drinking... and I feel kinda bad about that...

You know??