Back Again - very sad

[seila1]

I've been absent for a while and I think we all know why. I've been spiraling out of control and I am so hungover today for no apparant reason. I feel so horrible about myself and miss the person who was gaining control of herself. I let it all go over the holidays and have continued down a destructive path. I just can't believe I've let myself get this bad. I am riddled with stress and now guilt. I know I just have to get back on this site and believe in myself. I think I thought that I could moderate and the fact is I just can't. I can't have any alcohol at all without it taking control of me. It is sad and scary to admit. I've only made it about 21 days but that's better than nothing. I really feel alone, scared and angry at myself. I should have never stopped coming here.

[searching for peace]

Back Again - very sad

Welcome back to MWO. I too, left MWO for almost a year and have spiraled downward. I also should never have left. I shared a post in the my story category. I feel a little awkward posting after not being here for almost a year, but I have to start somewhere. Keep posting whenever you need to. Keep reading. I wish you alot of sucess from this moment on.

[sunshine_gg]

Back Again - very sad

:l Seila & Searching

Welcome back... to both of you. Well, you know how this works - you've done it before. Dust yourself off, grab your tools and get to work Do some reading, post when you're comfortable and be kind to yourselves.

All the best to both of you.

[seila1]

Back Again - very sad

Thanks for the kind words. I will try to be kind to myself. Searching, welcome back and I wish you much success too.

[Blanchieboo]

Back Again - very sad

Welcome back. It is so good that you know where to come to get yourself better. You both sound strong and possative about getting your life back.
It is nice to know your not alone isn't it?
Good luck to both of you!

[KBCE]

Back Again - very sad

I am back today as well. I am a big wino and am drinking at night for no good reason at all as well. I have an awesome family, job and life yet I continue to do this. I am so disappointed in myself.

We just gotta try again. Every day is a second chance.

[seila1]

Back Again - very sad

KBCE - I am doing the same for no good reason either. You are not alone and today is my second chance - yours too. We can do this. I have to admit, being sober even if it was for just under a month made me feel so good about myself. I know I don't trust myself very much right now but I am going to focus just on the positive.

[KBCE]

Back Again - very sad

I went for weeks with no alcohol a few times - I felt better, I slept better, I was a BETTER PERSON...but then I decided to drink and the habit started again. My brain is God's private mystery. Jeez.

[seila1]

Back Again - very sad

I did the exact same thing. I basically gave myself permission to have drinks thinking that I would be able to handle it. No way! I went back full force and it is amazing to me how quickly I spiraled back down. I think I realize now that I am not someone who can moderate, I just have to quit but I find it extremely hard to even imagine that I could do that. ODAT.

[1morechance]

Back Again - very sad

Welcome back KBCE, Seila, and searching for peace. I ditto what Blanchi and Sunshine said. We are here for you. The fact that you guys came back and are reaching out is a success. Take are of yourself and don't be a stranger you know we'll support you!

[KBCE]

Back Again - very sad

Thanks so much for the kind words everyone. Life would be so much easier if I was wired differently. I guess I just have to accept the fact that I am an alcoholic and get the hell over it! ODAT is right!

[bouchard01]

Back Again - very sad

Hello

This is me ... and I too am disgusted and can't believe I do this ~ everyday!

" I am a big wino and am drinking at night for no good reason at all as well. I have an awesome family, job and life yet I continue to do this. I am so disappointed in myself. "

Hugs to all ....

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Back Again - very sad

Hey Seila & Searching & KBCE & bouchy,

I'm a wino, too. I'm doing a 7 day AF stint with my HB who is a beer guzzler. None of us are bad people. I'm past that part and I hope you all get past that too. We're all worth being healthy and getting better and lets work on it together, ok? I'm right here with ya, buddies. :l

Take care, water today!
Be

[aprilmoon]

Back Again - very sad

Welcome back. I'm new here. I'm gonna stop saying I'm new tomorrow!! LOL

I think I need this site every day to help me. You can do it!!!!!

[matthen]

Back Again - very sad

Welcome and welcome back to MWO. Glad you came back. I relate completely to the wild ride of not drinking, than taking one, and then steadily sliding back to where it was very bad and getting worse. Can't tell you how many times I decided to have "just one". This time I think I have proved to myself that I can't drink -- at all, ever! You sound like you are getting ahead of the game and are on to the sneaky power of AL. Good luck and God bless.