what do you think?

[Summer09]

Hi all, I have been seeing a counsellor for AL and in our last session he asked me what I'm trying to "FILL" when I drink. In his training addiction is generally caused when someone has a void somewhere and substitute with AL. So he asked me what I feel when I want a drink, but the thing is I want THE DRINK..... Is that how you all feel too?? I don't have to feel in a particular mood, I just want the dam drink! I'm happy, I drink, I'm sad, I drink, It's friday!! lets drink, ohh it's monday oh well I'll have a drink, you get it..... But I'm starting to think he doesn't. I know it all started somewhere and we all have our triggers, but in the later addiction stages do you think we are drinking for emotional reasons or has it gone way beyond that???

xx Summer09

[sunshine_gg]

what do you think?

:H

Sorry, I shouldn't laugh.. but yes... same here... happy, sad, cold, warm, it's Tuesday, it's matching socks day, somebody called, somebody didn't call, don't matter. No ONE particular trigger.

I don't even care anymore WHY.. I just want to be done with it.

[peacenik]

what do you think?

i never felt like i had any trauma or "real reason" to drink either, i just like to get drunk.
maybe someday something will rear it's head and i'll know, but i really think it was just an inborn desire for me to want to be inebriated in some way.

who knows, really...we're all different

[kaponium]

what do you think?

Hey Summer, ditto for me .... stubbed toe, broken fingernail, too warm, spare change, WHATEVER - I do not NEED a reason - but I had very many reasons to stop. Thankfully today I PREFER to be AF - that is the miracle. Keep on "keeping on" !!

[johnnyh]

what do you think?

Hey, I think your consellor asked a very interesting and challenging question. I started drinking in my early teenage years and cannot even tell when I became and alcoholic. I too used to than drink for any of the given reasons. But I absolutely think there was a reason that must have and is triggering the drinking. I think the longer you go AF you probably start working through to the bottom of this. When I crave a drink now, what do I think about? The cravings come when I am in stress, i'm sad, etc. and I just want to have some drinks, lie on the couch and relax, not being confronted by anyone. In those very things is probably the reason I do drink and what triggers it. So I probably try and fill the void of my inability to deal with my problems, my emotions, etc.
However, I am still getting to the bottom of this. I felt exactly how you felt and that was a reason a long time for me to be in denial, I used to think , well I don't drink for any particular reason, just to have fun, so I couldn't possibly have a problem?!
I think it's not a simple question your consellor asked but rather a process you have to work through?
Anycase, that's just me. We all feel different. That's what make us individuals though we all got a common problem!

[aprilmoon]

what do you think?

Summer, It would have been hard for me to answer that question too. I mean my life is good. Yeah, there are some ups and downs, but for the most part nothing awful. What am I trying to fill? I guess my answer would be my stomach and brain full to get that warm fuzzy feeling.

[matthen]

what do you think?

Summer, a tough question. Basically, I think I drank to change my mood. Maybe because I did not feel good physically, or because I was up for a party, or was bored, or lonely. Usually to get me out of the space I was in. As my drinking got worse, more and more I drank to get rid of hangovers. Its a vicious cycle which has lots of reasons why. I think your counselor asks a good question, but not sure there is a good answer other than that we drink because we are alkies.

[A Work in Progress]

what do you think?

Summer, I'm a psychologist, and I don't have a lot of patience for the school of thought that persists in asking people to try to come up with the "deep-seated" or hidden reasons "why" they did, or do, the things they do. Over the long haul, it just hasn't proved to be a truly effective method of improving people's lives. People can, and have, spent years (and huge amounts of money) engaging in talking with therapists about this kind of stuff... and, if they do get better, it is not likely because they have found the "real reasons" why they were unhappy, or why they drank, in the first place.

Working with malapdaptive thinking patterns, learning to regulate and tolerate difficult emotions, and changing problem behaviors, are (in my opinion, and in the opinion of many contemporary, well-trained psychologists) the true realm of the counselor or the psychologist. This can and is effectively done without looking for stuff like "what is the 'hole' you are trying to fill?"

I agree with others above who said that, in their experience, we drink for any and every "reason." We drink because we have a brain glitch that creates an unnaturally strong (but not irresistible) urge and thirst for alcohol. We don't have a well-functioning "off switch." We suffer terribly, because of that. But we CAN get better! I hope you will stick around, do a lot of posting and reading, and develop and stick with a good, solid, plan for your own permanent recovery from this very painful problem.

[aprilmoon]

what do you think?

A Work in Progress;537651 wrote: Summer, I'm a psychologist, and I don't have a lot of patience for the school of thought that persists in asking people to try to come up with the "deep-seated" or hidden reasons "why" they did, or do, the things they do. Over the long haul, it just hasn't proved to be a truly effective method of improving people's lives. People can, and have, spent years (and huge amounts of money) engaging in talking with therapists about this kind of stuff... and, if they do get better, it is not likely because they have found the "real reasons" why they were unhappy, or why they drank, in the first place.

Working with malapdaptive thinking patterns, learning to regulate and tolerate difficult emotions, and changing problem behaviors, are (in my opinion, and in the opinion of many contemporary, well-trained psychologists) the true realm of the counselor or the psychologist. This can and is effectively done without looking for stuff like "what is the 'hole' you are trying to fill?"

I agree with others above who said that, in their experience, we drink for any and every "reason." We drink because we have a brain glitch that creates an unnaturally strong (but not irresistible) urge and thirst for alcohol. We don't have a well-functioning "off switch." We suffer terribly, because of that. But we CAN get better! I hope you will stick around, do a lot of posting and reading, and develop and stick with a good, solid, plan for your own permanent recovery from this very painful problem.

:wd::grouptrophy:

[Sweaty Betty]

what do you think?

WIP, great post. I had 'therapy' last year, and I found that there was a lot of looking backwards and finding reasons in my past for my current issues, This was to a certain extent helpful, but I ended up feeling stuck in the past, and not having any strategy to move forward. Since coming to MWO and clocking up AF days I have much more clarity, and am moving forward and looking at the future instead of dwelling on the past. One thing I am curious about though is 'triggers', I'd like to do some reading related to them, - I think I have emotional triggers (my Mom) and physical triggers (flying) any suggestions or more info anyone?

[gyco]

what do you think?

my dear summer,to me your completely write,the thing is HABIT,the old saying, the most intellectual minds cant figure it out,i found in my experience of late,i do believe animals and man or women are different,take for instance, and this a proven study,an alligator when eating or drinking something it doesnt like, will spit it out,the almighty human being will not,even with all our greater abilities we keep doing,and one of them after many recurrences with AL and i have to say drugs including prescription drugs we over do.,as ive said b4 i dont think its a problem for some just to stop,its staying stopped and wanting to,i wish you well,i thought id add this,just read it,a little boy is sitting on the street waiting for his dad to come out,well a minister comes by and asks can you tell me where the church is, the boy says yes two streets up, minister thanks him and says dont forget to come to church and all show you the way to heaven, hahaha the boy replies and says you can t find your way to church how can you find your way to heaven hahahah gyco have a wonderful day

[A Work in Progress]

what do you think?

Betty, I agree, identifying and dealing with "triggers," or those situations in which we know we are most likely to want (badly) to drink is a major part of successful recovery. I used to call my mother "my biggest trigger." This is just a bit off-topic perhaps, but one of the the things that was so ahead-of-its-time in the early AA program was the recognition that learning to deal with (or, if necessary, avoid) the "persons, places, and things" that we associate with drinking is hugely important.

Dealing with triggers starts with recognizing them for what they are, and fully appreciating how dangerous they can be, especially in early recovery. The next step is anticipating them, whenever possible, and making plans for dealing with them. Sometimes avoiding the anticipated trigger is the only sane alternative, even if it is highly inconvenient, especially in early recovery. Eventually, however, we have to learn how to cope with the strong urges/desires/impulses to drink, usually accompanied by negative emotional states, that are the guts of a "trigger." Learning that urges and impulses always have a natural history (the arise, they grow stronger, then they pass away), and learning to allow unpleasant emotions to pass away, are the key aspects of dealing with this stuff, without drinking.

There's a post I wrote in the "tool box" thread called "I Can't Stand It!" that talks about this. Another one, called "Urge Surfing" is also related.

As for self-help stuff, I always strongly recommend the book "Emotional Alchemy" by Tara Goleman-Brach.

[Sweaty Betty]

what do you think?

Thanks WIP - I have a trip planned at the end of the Month which would involve my mother and flying long haul - I'm thinking about putting it off for a while!

[lilmea]

what do you think?

Summer,
I drink because I drink. Any reason or no reason was good enough for me. Right now I'm more concerned with how not to drink than I am with why I use to drink.

WIP-great post and thanks for the threads about triggers. I've been working on some of my known triggers. What I'm worried about is getting blind sided by the triggers I'm not aware of yet.

[Summer09]

what do you think?

:thanks: all for your thoughts. Great post A Work In Progress, I like the thought of putting my efforts into positive change rather than trying to identify where this mess started.

xx Summer09