New here and wondering; abs or moderation?

[irishgal]

Hi all, this is not typical for me, blogging and all the rest, but I bought this book, and cd's and some supplements and am anxious to begin. I have had a 'problem' with wine for @2/3 years now, but never before that. I was always able to be a light/moderate drinker without a thought. But many hard things fell on me at once and before I realized it I had this 'problem'. As I live alone now (divorced/kids on their own), there is no one to catch me at it or keep me from indulging. So it's now at 6-9 glasses of wine @ 3-4 times a week making my work days hell. Seems like it's one day 'drinking' the next hung over. What a life! So, this long winded speil ends with, can I start with moderation? I realize everyone here has heard this before but I just don't want to abstain. Does that mean I am not ready??? I of course tell myself everyday -hungover days- that 'that's it' never again, and the next day, way home from work I tell myself 'ok, you can have just 1 or 2' and on the 3rd it's all over. Thanks for any thoughts on this.

[A Work in Progress]

New here and wondering; abs or moderation?

Well, irishgal, time will tell. I doubt there is any one of us here who started out with the thought that totally giving up alcohol was our first choice. Those of us who end up happily AF usually have had to prove to ourselves, over and over, that we simply cannot "moderate" or consistently control our drinking. I certainly had to do that. But.. the good news is... once we come to that realization, we find that alcohol is just not the incredibly important part of life that we once thought it was. And life is great without all that worrying about drinking, drinking too much, hangovers, etc.

There's a good group of successful moderate drinkers here... why don't you try hanging out with them, some? They will probably suggest you will want to start out with 30 days AF... but, check it out, for yourself!

[Pan]

New here and wondering; abs or moderation?

Hi Irishgal. I thought I could moderate myself, time and time and time again. And it worked for a while. Hubby was happy and so was I. But, then the same thing happened over and over and more and more frequently. I couldn't stop at one or two. Something would snap in my brain or something and before I knew it I'd had another raging row with hubby and couldn't remember a damn thing. I've been AF for 4 days and I'm feeling a lot better within myself. When I decided to go AF for a while I was still thinking that I could go out and have a wine or two eventually. But I just don't want to get the taste again. I don't trust myself after my past experiences.

But you need to find out for yourself whether you can handle moderation.

[irishgal]

New here and wondering; abs or moderation?

Thanks panicked and workinprogress; good advice from you both. I guess all of this I know inside; abstaining for a month sounds very hard right now but I can ease into that and come here daily for some inspiration and chat from those who understand...

[cyclefan]

New here and wondering; abs or moderation?

Hi irishgal, good advice from WIP. I would suggest too that if going thirty days without alcohol (as the MWO book suggests) frightens you, you may not be a good candidate for moderate drinking. I really believe that following RJ's plan as she has laid it out in the book is a good way to find success with how you want your relationship with alcohol to be. Best wishes with whatever you decide.

[Pan]

New here and wondering; abs or moderation?

irishgal, you don't have to tell yourself now that you are going thirty days. Do it one day at a time if it feels more do-able for you. I'm 4 days AF and am still doing it one day at a time. I know I will succeed, but I couldn't have started with the attitude of having to go 30 days. If I stuff up tomorrow and have a drink, it won't be the end of the world, because I'll just begin again the following day. If I'd stuffed up on a 30 day AF I would have been kicking myself from here to kingdom come. You may surprise yourself once you stop drinking, one day at a time, how good you feel and you will reach 30 days and beyond without the pressure.

[upnorthgirl]

New here and wondering; abs or moderation?

I can't mod

Irishgal--I think you have been given so very good advice. Just try one day at a time AF and see how many you can rack up. Ad for Modding--been there, done that--it does not work for me. If I have one, I will have three, then five then I am passed out and stupid.

Some people can successfully moderate but I realized the hard way that I am not one of them. The thought of nover having another drink is kind of weird, but I know it is the best way for me. I am starting antabuse Tuesday, the second I get it!

Good luck to you.:welcome:

[matthen]

New here and wondering; abs or moderation?

Hi Irish -- I guess some folks can moderate, I can't. Unfortunately, for years and years I kept trying to prove I could moderate. Finally, finally, after years of misery I came to the conclusion that I can not moderate. When I have a drink, all I want is another.....and another, etc. If you can moderate, good, if not ....well, just don't wast as many years as I did. Welcome and God bless.

[irishgal]

New here and wondering; abs or moderation?

mods

thanks all. good advice all over.
I guess it takes awhile to accept if you 'cannot' moderate, and just go with it. and the more I don't drink and start enjoying my fuller life again the less it will matter. also, i self defeat myself by the '30 day' rule as it just sounds too much. i've seen some people who say they go back and forth and over time it gets less and less and then go abs for a month and manage. i see it as at least i'm here, i'm trying and will take it one day at a time and not beat myself up if i have a couple here and there. if it goes back again to the every other day a bottle or more, well, i'm at the point where that will just tell me the answer. enjoy the sun, it's out today!

[within]

New here and wondering; abs or moderation?

hi irishgal

Me too with the wine. For years things were fine...and then a couple of hell years and extra stress and blah blah blah and now I am trying to figure it all out. I am giving the mod thing a try. I used to be a great modder. Years of my life were spent happily modding. Let me know what your thoughts are. Do you think its possible to go back to being a mod. For me its been only a few years of drinking like i've been drinking.
let me know your thoughts

[jamieaz]

New here and wondering; abs or moderation?

Hi Irishgal,

I have tried to moderate in the past and will do well with it for awhile. The problem with it is I would always end up back on a binge in a few weeks. I don’t know if moderation will work for me in the future, I just know for now going completely AF is the best choice.

I hope you try it for a few days and see how you feel. I feel so much better AF.

[irishgal]

New here and wondering; abs or moderation?

mods...

hi within;
i do think it's possible, if i just get my head on straight, get a few weeks, months under my belt and add back some old 'good' habits at the same time with my added energy (does everyone agree that it's the worst as to having energy to do creative things when drinking?); anyhow, i am really working with the cd's, supplements and naltrexone, would love to chat regularly on progress. expensive though, but then again, a wine habit of 4+ bottles a week isn't cheap! i'd rather the supplements.

[within]

New here and wondering; abs or moderation?

check ins would be great.

I am going to try and use the drink tracker as well.
Yesturday i actually painted and tonight took a bath and read some cool design magazines. Hopefully...the creative side will take over and my life will feel full and happy again. Tonight...Its a little difficult. But i am trying to get through it. even if i go to bed right after dinner!
:H

[Willie09]

New here and wondering; abs or moderation?

Hello Irishgal,

To mod or not to mod ? Like many others have said this has to come from within based on your experiences.

I've been AF since 12/24/2008 and some days it hasn't been easy. Got the book, supps, and cd's. Read the book and am taking the supps as suggested. In addition, I keep a journal and have flash cards to remind me why I don't want to drink.

At first the thought of 30 days AF seems undoable, but you can do it one day at a time.

Forget the thought of 30 days, forget the thought of never drinking again. These thoughts will drive you crazy. Just work on today and the rest will come.

I started this program hoping to mod but as time goes by AF is looking better. Without MWO I wouldn't have made it this far.

I wish you the best on your journey. Keep posting.

[sdlovespackers]

New here and wondering; abs or moderation?

I answered your monthly mod posting