My family pretends I don't have a problem

[MrsSwino]

This is my first post. I have looked at this site before but didn't have the courage to actually join until today. It look like a really great site. I have read several posts and find that some other people have problems similar to mine. For the past several years I work at my job all day, go home to my wonderful husband and my college age daughter and the 1st thing I do is pour a glass of wine. I drink until I pass out in front of the television then I wake up, lock the doors and go to bed. I buy 10 liters of wine every Monday night on my way home from work, sometimes I have to go on Saturday because I have drank all of it already. I'm usually a peaceful drunk but have gone off on family members a few times. My husband and 2 daughters (the other one just moved out this past summer so she is well aware of my habits) they all seem to think that since I go to work every day and I'm very successful and well compensated and I don't drive when I've been drinking either that I don't have a problem. One daughter even told me that in a conversation where I said that I was afraid I might have a problem. They all seem to love me a lot and they excuse my behavior like its the elephant in the room that nobody comments on. Like Mom has lots of stress, she deserves her swino, ha ha. I kind of think maybe they feel they would be disrespecting me by talking about it seriously. I know I have a problem and I don't think I can stop drinking without help. I can't remember a day in the last two years that I haven't drank any alcohol, how can I not have a problem? But how can I ask for help if I don't have a real problem as far as anybody who loves me is concerned?
:new:
Thanks for listening:upset:

[brightlite]

My family pretends I don't have a problem

Welcome MrsSwino. You will find a lot of help here. Many of us have the exact same problem. Keep reading and posting. Ordering the book is a good place to start. Talk to your family too. Let them know that you have a problem. If it comes from you, it may be easier for them to discuss it with you.

[jessie]

My family pretends I don't have a problem

not a problem

Dear Swino,
Of course you have a problem. At least you know it. How long have u been drinking like this. You might need medication if you want to taper off or stop. You can do it.
Myself - I have been fighting this beast for many years and still have not won. Like you I am a peaceful,drink-by-myself-till-I'm out drunk. But my children hated it and yet, even their disapproval did not stop me.
This is an excellent site with heaps of support. Use it and keep me posted.
Love
Jessie.

[upnorthgirl]

My family pretends I don't have a problem

Welcome

Same here--most people say I am fine except for the occasional binge. But we all know I am not.

I find that people don't want to admit I am a drunk for several reasons--love me, tolerate me, they like to drink with me, if I am then they are...whatever). My husband says if only I would let him pour the drinks I'd be fine--yeah right.

You came here for a reason so talk to us--we can relate--and be your own conscience and support. Do what is best for you--and you know what that is! :goodjob:

[AstraiaJ.]

My family pretends I don't have a problem

Welcome MrsSwino. I could have written your post last summer when I first joined this site. The only part that's missing is the drinking wine out of coffee cups to make it look like tea or something else, and the embarrassing sound of all those wine bottles in the recycling truck every week.

I don't know why family members don't always address things outright. But I agree with Gia that the most important person to define whether or not you have a problem is you. I know that once I started changing things, my husband and I were finally able to talk about it. Maybe for some families it's harder to talk about while it's still going on, I don't know. Maybe family members that love each other very much have a harder time admitting that someone they love has a problem. Hard to say.

At any rate, you will find a lot in common with people here, and I know that the collective wisdom I have found here has given me knowledge and strength to keep going. Keep us posted!

[cyclefan]

My family pretends I don't have a problem

Welcome to MWO MrsSwino.

If you haven't done so already, you should read the book My Way Out. It presents a comprehensive plan on how to make a plan to achieve sobriety. The beauty of this program is that each individual can tailor the program to meet his or her own circumstance. There's also a Toolbox thread in the Goals section under Monthly Abstinence. It's a sticky so it's always the first thread in that section.

Best wishes. You've made a good decision for yourself.

[dove]

My family pretends I don't have a problem

Welcome!

Since the first time I mentioned to my husband that I have a problem stopping drinking he didn't agree until just recently.

I think that, just like us, it is much easier for those in our lives to live in denial and that is what may be happening to you.

I am still in college and it may be that what your daughters response may mean is that she is surrounded by obvious outright in your face drinking problems everyday and sees you not like the college drinkers we see whenever we go out to the bars or parties.

My husband always tries to compare me to others that are heavier drinkers out in the open than me. In this way he still, even though he may know now that a I have a problem, enables me to get drunk sometimes, either because he wants to drink or maybe he really still doesn't think I have a problem. He has told me before that if I really have a problem that it is up to me, not him, to do something about it.

I'm sorry you are having the same thing happen. It sucks.

Dove

[within]

My family pretends I don't have a problem

welcome mrs s

thanks for sharing your story....it is difficult to be real about this and to be honest. It really is safe here. I believe the practice of sharing our stories, feelings and thoughts help us with the confidence to be ourselves. This I believe will help us all deal with the challenges and the successes of this journey.
I hear what you're saying about the recycle bins. I hate to put them on the curb too early because they are overflowing with wine bottles! I am cutting way back and am on my second day AF. It is not easy for me. I had 4 days af last summer when I was taking care of my neice. Otherwise i can't really remember any other time in the last couple of years. Its like it crept up on me without my notice. I kept telling myself...I guess its alright...This is ok.
Tonight my hubby is out and the wine bottle and sofa are calling me and calling me. I am trying to be strong. Off to bed early I think.
How about you...what is your plan for the evening? How do you feel.
keep sharing and keep posting. The support here has be so wonderful. Everyone is so helpful.
all the best on your journey:l

[FloridaBoy]

My family pretends I don't have a problem

:welcome: Perhaps it is difficult for people who do not have a problem with AL to understand those who do?

[aprilmoon]

My family pretends I don't have a problem

Welcome to My Way Out. I've only been here 2 weeks and this place has wonderful people and great advice.

My advice to you is what was given to me 2 weeks ago....read and post. While reading you will see that your story is so simular to others. While posting you can put your feelings down on paper.

Best Wishes to you in your journey!!!

[matthen]

My family pretends I don't have a problem

Mrs. S., I live alone (not exactly, I live with a bratty black Cocker Spaniel named McKenzie) so not sure anyone had any idea how much alcohol was doing to me and costing me. But I came to believe it was taking over my life. Not much energy left over to socialize, organize, or whatever. It was hard to deny that I was sinking. But I have had friends who make a joke of mine and their own drinking -- so as to deny that there is a problem going on. I can imagine that it is hard when the people closest to you are in denial at the same time you are trying to come to grips with reality.

You got some good advice here which is, tell them in a gentle but firm manner that you are trying to get sober -- and it is difficult, and there will be slips along the way. If they love you enough to deny what they know to be true, they love you enough to admit the truth and support your getting sober. Lots of luck and love and God bless.

[MrsSwino]

My family pretends I don't have a problem

Wow, thanks so much!

I posted this right before I left work yesterday and I can't believe all of the wonderful responses I received! Thank you all so much. I think yesterday I really decided that I had to do something about this and admit to somebody that a problem existed. I have been drinking like this since Ocober 2003. I remember once (I sort of remember thru the haze, ha ha) that my youngest daughter said something deragatory about my drinking and I told her that when she could support us all and pay tuition and do all of the housework, etc. , etc. that she could say something about any bad habits that I might have. So I think that maybe they aren't in denial as much I hoped they were. I think my husband and I might have had a similar, when you are perfect you can insult me conversation. To tell you the absolute truth I don't remember many conversations with any of them that happen after about 7:30pm! That's so stupid and pitiful. Wah, wah. But here's the good news. I decided last night that I would not drink wine when I went home and I didn't. I was afraid I might have some sort of withdrawal symptoms but I didn't. I sure did want that wine though. I didn't think about much else, I even dreamed about it and thought about it every time I woke up in the night (about 20 times).... But this morning I feel fine. Maybe I can do this. Again I really want to thank each and every one of you who took the time to reply to my post. I am going to read and post encouragement to others today. I wish I didn't feel so much like crying though.

[brightlite]

My family pretends I don't have a problem

Mrsswino,

It is a journey so don't get discouraged. Again, I need to heed my own advise. Sounds like you are a high functioning alcoholic.....successful yet a daily drinker. Keep posting.

[MrsSwino]

My family pretends I don't have a problem

I forgot something

I forgot to mention that I didn't discuss this at all with my husband or daughter. I just didn't drink any wine last night and they didn't seem to notice... I was chicken to mention it to them and then change my mind and drink later, its like if I talk to them I admit that something must be done and then I would be obligated to do something and I couldn't change my mind and be able to drink without them saying something about it. It's like I want their help and support but I don't want to convince them that I have a problem because then it would be more true and undeniable. Does that make any sense at all to anybody!!!! :upset:

Thanks again,

Mrs. Swino

[Waiting for his way out]

My family pretends I don't have a problem

MrsSwino, they know... really they know. Here is what I can tell you only based on my experience.
They (your family) are just afraid of what it means, afraid of what would come if they have to fight this with you, if their opinion of you changes. For years I knew how much my husband was drinking, but there was always "tomorrow" or this is "temporary" etc...
It is easier to think the problem will just quietly disappear, don't we all behave that way?
If you really want them to understand, they may need a visual proof? Line-up all the bottles you were drinking in one week and show them what they really add up to.
Good luck, you are on your way.