So... I hate myself, what's next.

[Terri1965]

Hi all,

I came to the frightening discovery today, that I hate myself. Why else would I drink every single day of my life.

It's abuse, so it must be self hatred. I say this not for sympathy but for advice. Most of you out there will know exactly what i am talking about.

Any good books to read, anything. I need to realise that I am worthwhile, how can others love me when I don't love myself.:anyone::help!


:thanks:
Terri

[Guitarista]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Hiya Terri, and a big Welcome to you!
I didn't abuse alcohol, i abused myself. For me, i used to just want to get numb. I don't know why, no horrible history really, maybe a fear of my own potential? You ARE worthwhile, we all are, and you are special. We are all unique. As for reading recommendation's, i'm not up to speed there, but lot's of other folk here will have some idea's. Have you read the 'toolbox' thread in the 'monthly abstinence' forums? It's a useful, informative read. Best wishes,...........G.

[bloggy]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Hi Terri

I once asked this question to someone who had been sober for a while in AA.

We were walking along the beachfront, it was a lovely day and the sun was shining. I had not been drinking for a few days either.

He said "Do you don't hate yourself now?"
I had to admit I did not- and neither do I right now, this minute. In fact I quite like myself today.

I only hate myself when I am in the midst of stinking drinking thinking or feeling guilty, ashamed and hungover.

I think many of us (and not just us alcoholics) are programmed from a young age to feel we 'are not good enough' and then go out in the world and act accordingly but deep inside we have to know that is not true.

We ARE good enough, and we are worth it- it is only drinking too much that enforces the bad programming, once we manage to control/stop our drinking we actually find we quite like ourselves.

[Guitarista]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Geez Marbella. Well said! It's true for me.

[aprilmoon]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Terri, I am up and down about hating myself or the Rum! I love the way rum makes me feel or did make me feel. I have no reason why I love to drink, but I will always love to drink.


As for as hating myself, there is nothing like hating me after a night of drinking. Self Hate is bad. I had to start looking at all I had. I am so blessed to have a husband who has stuck with me thru all my drinking. I would have left his ass if he had been drunk for so long like me. My house, my family, my grandchildren. They need me and I want to see my future sober. That keeps me going. I've drank for years and given it up for years. I am serious about this now. I have only 17 days AF working on 18, but it's over for me....I hope.

I wish you the best. Read and post here, you will get lots of support. I have!!!!

[lil.michelle]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Hi hun.
I was JUST where you were about ooohhh 6/7 months ago. I know the feeling and i know the pain.
To be honest with you, drink makes you depressed which doesn't help with loving yourself. I think you should make a plan. Stop drinking, go get your hair done, go on a sunbed, maybe splash out on some new clothes or makeup. Have a hot bubble bath, relax and write down steps you can and WANT to do, to get you back to the person you were or the person you want to be.
I did this. Mine went something like this:
I want to loose a little weight, sooo start to eat healthy, join weightwatchers, get a nice, fun workout dvd, do a workout once a day, followed by 30 mins on the sunbed, followed by a shower or bath to relax.
Go shopping, skip the junk food and drink, buy a good cook book and learn how to cook nice healthy food for the family.
Write a list of films i want to watch, join a dvd club and curl up on the sofa SOBER with hubby every other night and watch films.
Take my little one for a walk once a day, maybe to the park, if it's raining let her splash in puddles.
SOrt the garden out. I got a little green house, got load of salad, veg and herb seeds so i can plant my own food and get my little girl to help water and pick them when they are ready.
MAKE TIME FOR YOU. WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
Feel the emtions that drink is blocking out and deal with them.
We're here for you. Just get rid of the drink, take the supplments, stay busy and LOOK AFTER YOURSELF!! Get up EVERYDAY, put on your fancy clothes, put on your makeup, do your hair! Don't save these things for special moments or events cause you never know what's going to happen, you don't know what's around the corner so think of everyday as a special day. PAMPER YOURSELF!

[Blanchieboo]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Hi Terri, I know that feeling, it is so horrible. It is so good that you are here and ready to start doing good things for yourself. I am in the same place as you right now, so, we will do this together.....We are all here to do this thing together.
Keep posting it does help and try llmichelle's ideas. I am going to do just that too!

[Seacailin]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Hello and Welcome
Alcohol amplifies our emotions. I am filled with self-hate when I drink, but it is amazing how it dissipates when I get some Al. free time under my belt. It takes time and you must make the first step. We are here to support you.:l

[lilmea]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Welcome Terrie,
I agree with what Sea said. I'm a day or so away from a month. And I am slowly starting to feel better about myself. I've been working on keeping a positive attitude and trying to change the way I think about things. Have you downloaded the MWO book yet? I also do a lot of reading in the toolbox thread. It's in the monthly abstinence section the first thread. There's alot of good support here from people who have been where you're at now.

[IAD]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Addiction isn't that simple Terrie......it has nothing to do with hating ! It has everything to do with mind set.........try some of the herbal products on MWO for awhile, hang around and be a part of the gang here. Lots of good support.....IAD

[nugget93]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

I also have a love affair with rum, and you're right it does not love you back! Good for you and you are my inspiration!

[Accountable for Me]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

I get what you are saying, Terri. I really do. Have you tried going to counseling?

A good book to read is "Happiness Now" by Robert Holden, PhD. I am really enjoying it.

[polaryzed]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Welcome T.

LilM. WOW, I'm gonna try your suggestions.

Someone very close to me once said, "I've learned to look in the Mirror each day and say "I Love You" ! " I L O V E Y O U "!

In fact she took it one step further and put little notes on every mirror in the house (3) saying why she loves herself. After a few days she began believing . . .

Everyone, this is why I love this forum, all you great people~ :thanks:

T. your gonna love this place MWO

Gotta go I'mm off to the library !

[Evie.Lou]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Blanchieboo;547743 wrote: Hi Terri, I know that feeling, it is so horrible. It is so good that you are here and ready to start doing good things for yourself. I am in the same place as you right now, so, we will do this together.....We are all here to do this thing together.
Keep posting it does help and try llmichelle's ideas. I am going to do just that too!

I hope the 2 of you can hold hands and start to walk this journey together...
I know you can do this...I KNOW YOU CAN.
we are all here for you...we're in this together !!!

[nancy]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

What Lil Michelle says is true. Drinking physically makes you depressed. So if you really care about your mental health you have to address that. And forget feeling angry and sorry for yourself when you are hungover. That's counter-productive. Feel compassionate and realize you have a problem you need to work on.

But there's always this chicken and egg situation, what came first? Depression/self-hatred or drinking? I am not a scientist but it's probably a mix of both. One of the best books I read on self-esteem is Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life. It's a bit corny in places but some of the core messages are valuable. One of the things she advises is finding one thing you like about yourself and building from there. You also need to get a handle on people who mistreated you and learn to forgive them and forgive yourself. Louise writes about poor parents in her book.

You also could really benefit from looking into meditation and Buddhism. This philosophy will help you learn to manage negative innner voices and see them from what they are-- how to learn to ignore things that won't helpful.

Therapy also can help a lot.

Finally, lately I have been wondering about positive visualization to overcome addictive problems. Maybe that's something to focus on. A therapist said thinking of all the horrible things is not as motivating as envisioning yourself the way you could be, the way you are in your dreams. Maybe that is a bit simplistic, but what if that would work?

I know Weight Watchers uses visualization. The My Way Out hypnotic Cd also uses visualization.

Good luck

Nancy