So... I hate myself, what's next.

[Terri1965]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Thank you all so much. I was overwhelmed by the response. You people are fantastic. So many great ideas.

You are right, I have to stop the feeling sorry for myself (that's why I didn't want sympathy - it highlights the "poor bugger me" in myself, which I also hate)

I have read Louise Hay's book, I have also read MWO book, but about a year ago. I love your suggestions Lilmichelle, I will try them, they made a lot of sense to me, and Blanchiboo, yes I would love to hold your hand too.

I am the drink til numb one also, but there are times when I get stuck into Champers or wine and then its all over red rover.
I am going to start by limiting my drinks to the recommended daily intake - 2 standard drinks and go from there. If I find that I can't control that, then I will go for abstinence.

Unfortunately my husband is a heavier drinker than me, but he has never admitted he has a problem. Our whole relationship is based around alcohol. It scares me to think what may happen if I give it up, but he is slowly killing himself too, and maybe he might cut down if he see's me cutting down.

We don't go anywhere because we argue about who will drive home, and it's always me, so I refuse to go anywhere on principle (stubborn too), so we sit home and drink!!!!! I'm so bored doing this. How do I convince myself that I am not missing out if I don't drink? It's like the little kid that misses out on the candy.

Thanx again, to all of you, i wanted to cry from your responses they are all so helpful, but I don't want my husband asking me why I have red eyes - sad huh!!

Love
Terri

[Terri1965]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Thank you to all of you, your response overwhelmed me. Such great advice.

I will take on your advice and Lil Michelle, there are some great ideas there. We often leave ourselves til last, and Blanchieboo I would love to hold your hand too.

I have read some of the books mentioned, but obviously need to re- read them.

The plan idea is a good one. I am a drink til I'm numb too, but there are times when I get stuck into the Champers or wine and then it's all over red rover. I have decided to cut down and really try to stick with it, my main problem is boredom. We live out of town, so we sit home all the time because my husband (who is a heavier drinker than me) will not take his turn driving home, so I refuse to drive anywhere - consequently we sit home and drink. I also drink when out of my comfort zone, and about a dozen or so other reasons, just so I don't run out of reasons to drink!!

How do I get rid of the mentality that I am missing out if I don't have a drink? It's like the little kid missing out on candy.

I feel much better today - only due to your responses to my thread, before this I was about to email a friend and blah to her, now I don't have to.

Thank you so much,
Love Terri

[lil.michelle]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

It is really hard at first when you see other people drinking and you can't. Is it REALLY making them happy tho? Behind closed doors they could be in the same boat as you. I find that just watching what effect every drink has on them is good. You'll notice how people look at drunk people and cringe but they'll look at you with soo much respect. PLUS you're the one who will wake up feeling GREAT, knowing EVERYTHING you've said and done while the others are feeling crap not knowing.
It is hard my love, if it wasn't we'd not be here. It takes some getting used to but trust me, you'll feel soooo proud and happy with yourself when you don't drink. That feeling is great!

Hopefully you cutting down will encourage your husband to cut down too!
If you don't want to go out, why not just cuddle up with him on the sofa and watch a movie, or play a game on the wii, ps3 or whatever. It's a lot of fun!

[Terri1965]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Great advice again Lil.Michelle - I see what you mean, I had never looked at it from that point of view. I know how if feels to wake up knowing what you have said and done etc, but I didn't realise that people cringe at the drunks - cause I am usually one of them, I cringe at the thought.

Tonight I have had two half scotch's and coke - so that's one standard drink, once i am finished this one, I'm done, absolutely. I have realised today that it makes me feel so awful - the shame - only took 20 years. Also my daughter has just been done for speeding for the second time, and will probably lose her licence. This is heartbreaking, as we were going to have a wonderful camping season through our dry season, but it looks like that is out, as we live rural and I will have to drive her around.

My first response to that - drinking will not help!!!! What a break through, but I realise its a daily thing. But this gives me hope.

Thank you Lil.michelle, your comments are very much appreciated.
Terri

[gyco]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

hi terri,lots of good advice,you no your comments on drinking and what it does to the human being are astounding,why would anyone ever want to drink,when it does so much damage,just for a hi,guilt , shame uselessness of ones self image, odd isnt it ,i wish you well gyco

[Terri1965]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Thanx Gyco, I appreciate your support, and I did only have the two drinks tonight. One day at a time.

[aprilmoon]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Terri1965;548715 wrote: Thanx Gyco, I appreciate your support, and I did only have the two drinks tonight. One day at a time.

Way to go Terri. For me I could never ever think of just having 2 drinks. There is just no sense in it because I drink to get drunk. That's me. Everybody is different. There is a section somewhere on this website for people who moderate their drinking. You might want to find some of their post too to see how they are doing.

I wish you the very best in your journey to make yourself the person you want to be.

I check this website daily. If you need to talk you can pm me. I'm new at this sober stuff, so I'm not an expert, but I can try to lend a hand in your journey.

[Terri1965]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Hey thanx AM,

I am very proud of myself, but it was only day one and I am full of confidence, which I know fades as time goes on, and then I get cocky and think I can have one or two glasses of wine (my poison) and its all down hill. I have been down this road many times to sobriety and moderation, only to exit off to the drunks roads.

So I am by no means in safe territory yet. I would be a fool to think that I ever would be. I am susceptible like we all are to the wicked booze, and I probably always will be.

Thank you for your support, I appreciate it and anyone can PM me anytime too.

Hugs
Terri

[HockeyMom]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Terri,

I woke up hating myself too, but I think it is our actions that we hate. When the alcohol isn't involved, i generally feel pretty good about myself. But the guilt is huge, after failing again and again. I was raised Catholic, so guilt is big on my list. I try to remember this phrase "There is no judgment," and just pick up and start a new day. I also get those thoughts about "maybe it would be better for my family if I was gone." But that's the demons talking, and is not the reality. Hang in there!

Hockey Mom

[patricia]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

There's so much on this thread that is true - for me it just takes one day AF to begin liking myself again but quite often during that one day I forget how much I hated myself the day before . . . . . . I've woken up today sick throughout of hating myself and I'm hoping something's clicked like it did last year . . . . . . I feel stronger, like I've got a purpose and a plan. I'm going for 30 days plus getting strength from the ODAT thread. I know that tomorrow things will feel a lot better, what I've got to remember is how much I disliked me today. Good luck everybody. Px

[Terri1965]

So... I hate myself, what's next.

Thanx Hockey Mum & Patricia,

I too was raised Catholic Patricia, and fight the guilt (I respond very well to it, as would you) I do not associate myself with any religion other than spirituality - I just connect directly these days.

It is true about the liking yourself when you are on the band wagon HM, it's just that after my latest effort, it took more than the few days to get back on the wagon again. I realised finally, that this is not the answer to anything. I feel so much better and confident about myself when I don't drink to excess.
Wow, such startling news!!! It only took me 25 years to realise, but better late than never - I'm not beating myself up about it - I'm too bruised from other past emotional battles, to beat myself senseless these days.

I have now had 2 consecutive nights of only having 1 standard drink (I allowed myself 2) and I feel emotionally 200% better. My hubby hasn't commented yet, but continues to drown himself in the AL.

That's ok, I can handle this. I used to think he was stronger than me, I have now given up cigarettes for 13 months (with him puffing away right next to me) and now I have a plan to cut down (& eventually give up) the grog. Who is the stronger one? We all know don't we.

Hugs
Terri