I would give half-hearted attempts. I would take Campral (never the correct dose or every day) and then say "it doesn't work". Finally, I just decided that was it. I can't say that there was any defining moment, I just said "I'm not doing this anymore. I want my life back." My bipolar meds were never, ever going to work unless I stopped drinking. I started to take the Campral as prescribed. I figured that the stores wouldn't be running out of beer anytime soon, and if it didn't work and I didn't start to feel better, then I could always go back to drinking. If you look at my drinktracker for January, you'll see that I slipped a couple of times, but then I just stopped. Unfortunately, for me I fall into the 1-2% of people that suffers from severe diarrhea from it, and I had to stop taking it. I was really scared. I thought "Ok ... here we go. I'm gonna start drinking again." But I haven't. The only thing I can think of was that in the 1 1/2 months of my taking it, it broke the cycle for me. I also changed alot of my behaviors as well as aspects of my life so that I would not be in the situation of where I would drink.
I am doing so much more today. The things that I used to love to do before, I'm enjoying once again. I'm a different person. Now I can think clearly and make sound decisions. I no longer procrastinate nor do I lay around all day. Is everything perfect? Hell, no. But now I can deal with problems rationally. I also feel that if those in my life don't like me the way that I am today, then they can get out of my life. I like who I am, and I'm not changing.
Another thing that used to eat at me was the weight that I gained because of drinking. It doesn't bother me anymore. It's slowly coming off, but even if it didn't, I don't let it bother me. I love myself for who I am and I no longer avoid the mirror. I feel like such a strong person now.
My suggestions to everyone struggling is to evaluate yourself. Ask yourself "Do I really want to stop drinking? Am I ready to make the commitment to stop drinking?" It's not going to be easy. But anything worth fighting for is worth having.
Try the MWO program first, if you can take the supps and vites. It's a natural approach and one that I would have gladly tried first if I could. Unfortunately, with my other meds I couldn't take them. But don't expect a miracle. Really give it a chance. Remember: The stores are not going to run out of AL anytime soon. Keep telling yourself that.
If the MWO program doesn't work, or if you are suffering through withdrawals that cannot be controlled, GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR. This is important!!!!! Your doctor can put you on meds to control the withdrawals so that you can get through them, and start you on an anti-craving drug (like Campral) or antabuse, or any of the others that are out there. But you may need help with the withdrawals first.
I know this is long, and if you've made it down this far, it shows that you are interested in getting well. Believe me, it is so worth the fight!
In the words of Yoda: Don't try, just do! Hugs to all of you. You really can do it! :hug:
SK
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