Back with a bang

[veritas]

I'm back again after a bad, bad stumble in my quest for sobriety.

I finally got so angry with myself and my anxiety about spending money that I don't have on a doctor's appointment and ante-buse, that I said, "to hell with it, even if I loose everything, I need that medication to help me stay sober".

I am now 9 days AF, happy, guilt free and can feel my energy levels and mood reverting back to being the person that I once knew and liked.

Gone is the daily battle to stay away from alcohol, I cannot do it and that's that.

[startingover]

Back with a bang

Veritas! I was just thinking about you and wondering how you are doing!
I am delighted to hear you are now on the road to recovery. Well done!

[tylyr]

Back with a bang

Veritas
I'm back again too - looking to nudge in on some posts. I've been posting on and off for two and a half years, and still struggling. I'm day 3 today, and I need to do it. Have a new grandchild, and don't want to struggle with this for ever - I'm getting too old for it!! would love some help and encouragement. Well done to you. keep it up

[Guitarista]

Back with a bang

Hiya Veritas. Nice to see you, and congrat's on your current af time. You sound inspired!
Hello Tylyr. Congrat's on day 3! Have you read the 'toolbox' thread in 'monthly abstinence' forums? Informative, useful reading for those early days. All the best....................G.

[cymru]

Back with a bang

Great to see you back veritas. Do you have a plan to stay sober?

[maddiva]

Back with a bang

Honest to god, don't worry too much. You are in the same place as me. Hell!!! I cannot have ante- abuse as my doctor thinks I will die. However, he has given me anti depressant pills. Trouble is I feel more bloody depressed. Life is no easy feat, in fact at times it is darned hard. You can do it and you will not lose everything. If you have yourself you are complete. much love:h

[DeeBee]

Back with a bang

WB Veritas!
Congrats on notching up those AF days -- feels great doesn't it!

[veritas]

Back with a bang

Believe it or not, I had to approach three doctors before I was given ante-buse. It just shows how little is known about addiction, even by the medical profession. I was offered tranquillisers, SSRI's.... I was told that I could cope if I worked with my anxiety. My anxiety, I was told, was the cause of my drinking.

I know that many times doctors spend ages trying to convince patients to go onto ante-buse before they die as a result of their addiction. I spent ages trying to convince doctors that I really did have a problem, and yes, I was an addict.

Maybe, because I am a professional and have a good reputation in my area of work, I did not fit the doctor's own pre-conceived idea of an alcoholic. I was examined and told that my blood pressure was fine and my liver was not enlarged and that's where it stopped.

I eventually found a young doctor who was prepared to write out a script. In the meantime, I am sitting with a pile of Xanax and Cipralex that I have no intention of using.

I know that I do well on ante-buse. I have always made one mistake before, that is to plan my relapses. I would stop for a few days and then go on a horrible, horrible binge. I am tired of playing that game. I have a 3 month script that I can make last a whole year. I have learnt from nasty experience that it takes a good 3-4 days for a half tablet to leave your system. If I can use just one half a tablet a day, every second day, I will be fine.

My first big test was last weekend. I had to organise a big social function, one where there would be lots of booze flowing. I was given a bottle of wine as a "thank you". For a brief moment, I started plotting my relapse.. then I thought, "No, no, no.. this is enough."

It was so good to wake up the morning after the function, clear headed. I had no anxious moments wondering what I might have said. Despite working very hard, I had a spring in my step the next day as praise started pouring in about how much everyone had enjoyed themselves. Because I was not pickled on a couple of bottles of wine, I could actually focus on the needs of the moment and other people's conversation...

The weeks before that were horrible. I just seemed to go out of control. I do think that going AF for a few days brings the binges back in full force, stronger than ever. I was starting earlier and being sneakier than ever..

[neurogenic]

Back with a bang

Hi Veritas,

your post is just wonderful to read, it is overwhelming. I suggest you print it and laminate it, remember it, it is a post that some of here will benefit from in the future, whatever you do doll, at least save a copy of it,

You are doing so so well, i applaud you, Nx

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Back with a bang

Veritas,

I'm so happy to see you back and hear how well you're doing! No more games for you,
this is great news.

Take care,
Be

[A Work in Progress]

Back with a bang

Welcome back, V. Glad to hear you are back on track!

[tlrgs]

Back with a bang

good to see you back .. keep it up and going

[tylyr]

Back with a bang

guitarista - thanks for the prod to read the tools section- yes, it is good. what kind of 'plans' do people make? i'm ok for a while and then it happens again - I need to make a plan for this ?

[veritas]

Back with a bang

I have been off the forum again, but due to work, not drunkeness.

I am now starting my 18th day AF. I know that I would have relapsed this weekend without the help of ante-buse. There were too any triggers and I was really craving on Sunday.
I had to just deal with the cravings until they disappeared. It was not that bad in the end. Waking up on Monday morning was the greatest. No headache, no tiredness, no quibbly tummy, no guilt, no dry mouth, no nausea.

On Friday I started with a migraine, it was wonderful to have a headache that was not alcohol induced.