I'm approaching March 1st...the day I've set, again, to go for 30 days AF. I can't even count how many times I've tried, and failed, before. I don't know why I continue to drive myself to the liquor store and purchase that bottle of wine every night. I'll go one-two-three days, and then BAM!, I give in. And I'm not even going through physical withdrawal - it's all emotional withdrawal. And being drunk does nothing for me. I don't enjoy it...so what the hell keeps drawing me to drink? Part of the problem is that my husband has the same problem, he enjoys the wine as much as me. So every time we both say "No more"...inevitably, one of us gets stressed while the kids are driving us crazy and it turns into, "Who's going to the liquor store? Me or you?" We are both....so...sick of it. We feel like we're losing our marriage. We still love each other, but we are so numb to our feelings since we're both drunk every night. And God knows, I don't want to continue raising my kids in this environment! I'm thankful there is no abuse within our family, but the alcoholism has to stop. We can't afford treatment....and considering that neither of us suffer from physical withdrawal, I'm having a hard time justifying it since I know if we just stick to it...we can do it. I feel sooooo damn good when I'm sober. How do I hang onto that good feeling? Even this week, I've gone the past three days sober...then tonight I decided to have that one beer that's been sitting in the fridge all week. Did I feel good drinking it? Hell no. Didn't even taste good. GGGRRRR. Anyways, come Sunday, I'm hoping to continue to log in every night...logging one more day sober. I'm hoping you all can give me some words to live by to get me through driving home after work, not stopping at the liquor store...and if unfortunately my husband gives in and buys a bottle of wine, to give me advice on how to sit here and watch him drink the poison and keep myself sober. I look so forward to the day when I don't think about the next drink. When instead I'm grateful for my wonderful, sober, happiness. And I truly pray my husband will be sober with me. Thanks everyone.
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Looking for Words of Wisdom...
You can do it, Angel! You've taken the first step and posted here. Making that declaration alone puts you on the right road-now stay focused on that and close to the board here. Checking in daily has really helped me. I have come here at night instead of grabblng the corkscrew and my great friends here at MWO will steer me right. The drinktracker is a great tool, too. It really makes you accountable and honest. So blessings to you on this journey. We're all in this together and nothing is more important to us than seeing you down the road to recovery.Toughen up!
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