Circumstances = Abuse

[Solitaire]

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[AMELIA]

Circumstances = Abuse

Hi Solitaire,

I do believe alcohol does influence self-esteem and self-worth. Firstly I think it affects you physically - you don't feel as strong and your mental state is weaker after a night on the booze. It is a stressor on the body.
Plus, if you are using alcohol to 'escape' things in life, be it your partner or anything else, you are avoiding finding healthy ways to resolve difficulties in your life.

For instance, you sound as if you may not be creating enough time just for you...doing too much for others. Maybe if you made some time for you and explained how you are feeling to your hubby?

I do think our circumstances can influence our drinking...but only if we choose to let them.

Good to hear you have done well with modding. Would you be able to try some days AL free and see how you feel? Maybe go for a run in the evenings to get that endorphin release?

[Solitaire]

Circumstances = Abuse

Thanks Amelia... I don't know how to make time for myself!!!! 4 decades of serving others, and putting yourself last... It will be a process, but I know the outcome will be good... Baby steps? I'll keep coming back...

[AMELIA]

Circumstances = Abuse

Hello again Solitaire,

I used to be someone who did too much for others and not enough for myself. I tried to do 'EVERYTHING' and ended up being tired and resentful. I think it stemmed from low self esteem and wanting to control things. I got myself out of it by delegating. If I was doing something for my partner (that he could not do for himself), I would ask him to do something for me : dishes, dinner etc.

Ask your family for help. Make it into an exchange of services. Make sure 'thank yous' and praise are said all round. It just may help.

[polaryzed]

Circumstances = Abuse

Solitaire - talk about a mirror image

Finger in every pie, oh my, oh my, I've got that very same guy. Only I've been married for a few years longer. I love him, I truly do but sometimes I feel sufficated by his watching me or maybe I'm paranoid.

I have not yet told him about MWO.

If I even go out to the store, he asks "what do we need at the store". I'll say "Do you want me to list all 12 items or will the first 3 do"? If I'm trying to fix something, anything doesn't matter what he is right behind me asking if he can fix it for me. Etc. etc. etc.

You'll chuckle at this one I'm sure but, just to get some alone time from him in the evening and on weekends, I will deliberately watch shows on TV that he doesn't like which forces him to go downstairs to the rec room to watch TV. It's working lately.

This crazy world of mine, this crazy world of mine, this crazy world I'm gonna let it shine, this crazy world of mine I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine . . . Thank God for MWO.

Walking the dog is good too cuz he doesn't like to walk as much as I do.

Sorry for yammering.

[CS04]

Circumstances = Abuse

AL has a HUGE effect on our self-esteem. Particular for those of us who overdo it, despite knowing that it is bad for us, mentally and physically. We are smart people, so why do we do stupid things?

I would love to feel suffocated by my husband's desire to fix things. He never fixes anything!

[veritas]

Circumstances = Abuse

Solitaire, this is not going to get better, it will get worse.
I used alcohol to avoid what was happening in my marriage and all it did was leave me with 2 problems instead of one. I developed such a gift of denial and avoidance, that for many years I lived a second hand life. If you look at your alcohol problem at this point and face it, you will most likely find that you can deal honestly with your marriage issues.

It sounds as though there are some really serious issues in your marriage that are whittling away at your self esteem. Alcohol will not fix those. No one should have to aneathetise their feelings in order to survive the day.

[peacenik]

Circumstances = Abuse

maybe al is a salve that smooths over the rough patches...i used to feel it helped me alleviate the boredom of my life/marriage...now i know i have to not be boring to alleviate it!