I am new here, but I would like to share some experience that I lived some years ago.
I was working (really ) hard for family business. I did a good job, which I felt didn't get the reward it deserved ( reward in terms of effectivity and performance in the duty )
The stress of working during the day and having to learn during the night led me to sleep four hours a day. I was on the brink of mental chaos. In adition, I began using alcohol as a way of releasing preassure, during the evenings. I simply stayed in a sofa, drinking normally 6 cans of beer, and just staring at the wall, thinking in a brainstorming way and taking notes about improvements for my project. That used to take one or two hours, which I took from sleep time.
After some time, those six beers began to be too little, so I began taking the car after those six pack, and went to anywhere they served me take away alcohol. Of course I used the shop rotation technique which I have seen more people here have used. Then, I joined the excitement of drinking with the speed need. I knew that the patrols during the week were almost nonexistant, and it was true. I drove for 100 kms, mostly doing 180 kms/h. The adrenaline sensation was just like a shot of life in the veins. Also, due to the deep depression I was developing, I secretly desired to die. Sometimes I had to drive "with one eye closed", as I have read here to another member, just to see the road straight. I kept doing that for some months, until one night I almost ended under a lorry doing 200 kms/h.
Then I got frightened, and spent some time not doing it. After more than 10 months, one day, and after having taken some, I said "why not?" . left the garage ( the six pack already in ), put a cd on the car and started to the next gas station to buy a buck of 6. After I left the station, I was followed by the patrol, and I was put under arrest. I slept at the constabulary and had to go to court, where I was sentenced. Luckily enough, I avoided prison, and got my driving license retired for 18 months. I postponed it using some legal trick, but in the end I had to give it to the authorities. Now it is 7 months left until i recover it.
Must say that after I had been condemned, a year after I did it once again, in an state of complete drunkness. I drove for 80 miles, at peak hour, to a place where they served me beer. Then I don't remember anything, but that I woke up asleep in my car and I hadn't the keys on me. The cops had taken them from me ( may god bless them and their families ). had to call to their base, and they came back and gave them back to me, no fine, no punishment. Just some face of comprehension, and made me promise not to do it again. I haven't done it since, and hope not to do it again.
All this happened a year and a half ago ( the last "trip") and I must state that this is something I don't feel proud at all about. I just wanted to share it with you. May I thank god I never harmed anyone with my suicidal behaviour. May I also thank my car, whose reliability saved my life and probably other's.
Again, this is something awful I did, and I would like to find the forgiveness of people, but also I would like me to forgive myself, which is something that not always I can achieve.
Thanks for reading.
klingsor
I was working (really ) hard for family business. I did a good job, which I felt didn't get the reward it deserved ( reward in terms of effectivity and performance in the duty )
The stress of working during the day and having to learn during the night led me to sleep four hours a day. I was on the brink of mental chaos. In adition, I began using alcohol as a way of releasing preassure, during the evenings. I simply stayed in a sofa, drinking normally 6 cans of beer, and just staring at the wall, thinking in a brainstorming way and taking notes about improvements for my project. That used to take one or two hours, which I took from sleep time.
After some time, those six beers began to be too little, so I began taking the car after those six pack, and went to anywhere they served me take away alcohol. Of course I used the shop rotation technique which I have seen more people here have used. Then, I joined the excitement of drinking with the speed need. I knew that the patrols during the week were almost nonexistant, and it was true. I drove for 100 kms, mostly doing 180 kms/h. The adrenaline sensation was just like a shot of life in the veins. Also, due to the deep depression I was developing, I secretly desired to die. Sometimes I had to drive "with one eye closed", as I have read here to another member, just to see the road straight. I kept doing that for some months, until one night I almost ended under a lorry doing 200 kms/h.
Then I got frightened, and spent some time not doing it. After more than 10 months, one day, and after having taken some, I said "why not?" . left the garage ( the six pack already in ), put a cd on the car and started to the next gas station to buy a buck of 6. After I left the station, I was followed by the patrol, and I was put under arrest. I slept at the constabulary and had to go to court, where I was sentenced. Luckily enough, I avoided prison, and got my driving license retired for 18 months. I postponed it using some legal trick, but in the end I had to give it to the authorities. Now it is 7 months left until i recover it.
Must say that after I had been condemned, a year after I did it once again, in an state of complete drunkness. I drove for 80 miles, at peak hour, to a place where they served me beer. Then I don't remember anything, but that I woke up asleep in my car and I hadn't the keys on me. The cops had taken them from me ( may god bless them and their families ). had to call to their base, and they came back and gave them back to me, no fine, no punishment. Just some face of comprehension, and made me promise not to do it again. I haven't done it since, and hope not to do it again.
All this happened a year and a half ago ( the last "trip") and I must state that this is something I don't feel proud at all about. I just wanted to share it with you. May I thank god I never harmed anyone with my suicidal behaviour. May I also thank my car, whose reliability saved my life and probably other's.
Again, this is something awful I did, and I would like to find the forgiveness of people, but also I would like me to forgive myself, which is something that not always I can achieve.
Thanks for reading.
klingsor
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