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Upbeat at the moment but I need to stop!

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    Upbeat at the moment but I need to stop!

    Hi,
    I don't know if I am an Alcoholic or a habitual drinker!
    My story is one that started later in life, I did not drink in my teens or twenties but only started in my early thirties. I love white wine and only that...if the wine dried up I am not sure what I would do!
    I was a controller of a very busy A&E Ambulance control and the stress lead me to start hitting the bottle but probably about 4 glasses a night and at least 14 AL free days a month. I then got promoted and the stress of being away from home all week and driving on average 200 mls a day took its toll. Sitting in a hotel Sun to Fri soon led me to drinking over a bottle of wine an evening.
    Eventually I took a career break as it got too much but the drinking did not cease. In Nov 2006 I was bitten my one of dogs bad enough to be hospitalised for 5 days and that was the start of a year AL.
    For some reason I started again and vowed not to get back in the same senario but I did... again in 2007 I stopped for another 6 months but started again when my partner of 16 years asked me to marry him and the pressure of organising a wedding within 6 months and on top of that selling and buying a house in the same period led me to go back to my old habits.
    Now we are settled but I continue to drink on average a bottle and a half a night, sometimes more if my partner is off and we start about 4pm. On my own I will not start till about 8pm but still manage a bottle.
    The problem is I love the buzz but never get drunk enough to make a idiot out of myself nor remember the night before and never have a hangover!
    I know I drink far, far to much and need at least to cut down. I hoped that on registering with a new GP that the new patient blood tests would some how show a problem with the liver function test but no! Which, now at the back of my mind says ... Wow thats ok carry on as you are!! But I don't want to.
    I have ordered supplements to cut down the cravings and hope that I have enough will power to manage at least 2 AL days a week and no more than 3 units a day but I am not sure if I will.
    My partner also drinks to excess, which does not help but he works 7 night shifts in 14 days so MOST of his night shifts are AF but he does sometimes has a can of beer in the morning before he goes to bed.
    He unlike me can have a can a 4pm and nothing till 7 or 8 but once I start I cannot stop, no such thing as one ot two.
    I am not depressed, angry or anything I am just a hard working lass in a new house with my new husband and 7 dogs that cannot get out of this rut.

    Thanks for listening :thanks:

    #2
    Upbeat at the moment but I need to stop!

    Hi Lully and welcome to the forum.

    I can relate to the liver functioning tests as I thought the same too. Even when I was told I had alcoholic hepatitis (just a fancy name really for a build up of fat on my liver caused by my excessive drinking!) it didn't really bother me that much because the functioning side was not too bad.

    I'm sure a lot will relate to your story and your pattern of drinking here. I myself was a big binge drinker and I couldn't stop at one. Once I started I usually drank and took other substances too. I class myself as an addict rather than an alcoholic as it doesn't matter what substance I take I can never say NO after that first drink. One is too many and a thousand is never enough for me and it's a phrase I hear a lot in attendance at meetings both in AA and N/A. AND how true it is for me.

    I hope you get the identification with others here that are in a similar circumstance to yourself and you get yourself out of that rut!

    Love and Happiness
    Hippie
    xx

    p.s. Tons of dog lovers here too by the way!!
    "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
    Clean and sober 25th January 2009

    Comment


      #3
      Upbeat at the moment but I need to stop!

      I am a newbie here, but please let me welcome you.

      At the beggining of what I call the process, everything seems under control. No blackouts and no remorse. But please take into consideration the unavoidable fact you state about you not being able to stop. This may or may not worsen through time ( in most cases it seems that it does ). Please note also that when we people are stressed we may not notice the harm, but as the stress relieves, you may begin to feel depressed. ( hope that it doesn't happen ) That is a process I have experienced. Stressed life, a bottle of wine at night, up to work in the morning, and no problem about that, until one day it is a problem.

      It seems that it worries you, and I might say you are not wrong doing so. My advice would be to take some alcohol free time, taking it just as a relaxing thing, and try to substitute it with other activities. I know, talking is easy and free, it will be difficult, but this is the besst advise I can give you. If you keep on that rut, in a couple of years things will be much worse.

      best luck.

      klingsor

      Comment


        #4
        Upbeat at the moment but I need to stop!

        Lully wow! I also

        Love white wine
        Have been drinking a bottle and some every night
        Don't get that hungover
        Don't usually forget or blackout
        Function with a job and a family
        Received a liver result that was OK

        But Klingsor is right I think in saying it cannot be a problem fo a long time and then suddenly one day it is. I didn't really get to that stage before I stopped this time. I gave up 7 weeks ago with the help of Cmapral and this forum.

        In Caroline Knapp's Drinking: A Love story, she said her habit developed over a very long period of time; many many years. And that I believe is the insidious and scary nature of AL. You can carry on for a long time but it will get to you in the end if you are drinking that much. For me it was the fact that I was drinking every night that frightened me into doing something about it. The fact you say you want to do something about it is a sign you know you might be hurting yourself. And its the best starting pint. whether or not you cut down or cut it out will be up to you but you should look around this site at the different threads for abstinence or moderation to help you decide what will work best for you.


        Wow you have 7 dogs! Amazing. :welcome:
        AF since 19 January with a week's holiday last week. Today is AF day 1sigpic

        Comment


          #5
          Upbeat at the moment but I need to stop!

          Lully, welcome to the forum. Well whats not to love about white wine...its respectable isnt. Ok i guess a glass is respectable but a bottle isnt so much. I love wine and my glasses get bigger and bigger. At some point a line gets crossed Lully and if you can stop yourself before you cross that line you are better off. They always say in AA its all a bunch of yets. Make sure you put a yet behind every statement that hasnt happened because with drinking it is all just a yet. The best thing you can do is try to stop bedore those yets start happening. Again welcome.

          Comment


            #6
            Upbeat at the moment but I need to stop!

            :hello2::colorwelcome::wave::groupluv:
            :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
            best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

            Comment


              #7
              Upbeat at the moment but I need to stop!

              Cacky my glasses of wine got so big one would hold most of a bottle. But why am I boasting. Tis nothing to be proud of! All those glasses are still winking at me unused from the cupboard
              AF since 19 January with a week's holiday last week. Today is AF day 1sigpic

              Comment


                #8
                Upbeat at the moment but I need to stop!

                Joanna, i know. What is a glass of wine like 5 oz. As i got later in my addiction i could rationalize glasses of wine. It was amazing how much smaller they were making bottles (really how much bigger my glasses were getting)

                Comment


                  #9
                  Upbeat at the moment but I need to stop!

                  Exactly. Early evening sharing of a glass each with my friend. Entire bottle gone! Enough said!
                  AF since 19 January with a week's holiday last week. Today is AF day 1sigpic

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Upbeat at the moment but I need to stop!

                    Hi everyone, thanks for all your sharing it really helps. I did drink last night, but maybe Kudzu really works. I didn't finish the bottle & I threw it out there is no AL in the house. It's amazing I am in a financial mess like many, yet I can find some money to go buy that bottle of vodka. Lately the heartburn the next day is really bad, cuz I drink it straight & out of the bottle. Wed. & thurs. did not drink..I have binging for along time..when I stop all the prob are still there. In 1976, I was a heroin & morphine addict. And stayed away from drugs &Al for 28yrs, this has been insane for me.I"m going to keep busy & not drink tonight. Much Love

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