This is the pits

[VissralNaction]

Hi all;

I'm going through withdrawal at the moment, it really sucks. I feel so ... dead. I have all these aweful images in my head of death and disease and decay. I think I've really hurt myself this time.

I've been fighting alcoholism since I was 21 years old, and I'm 32 now. I have an approximate 2-week cycle pattern where I'll sort of hit the wall, and binge. This binge lasted for 2 days. I missed 2 days of work.

I think what triggered me off this time, was actually seeking help. I know beyond any doubt that I am truthfully an alcoholic individual. I went to an intake this week past at a government-run addiction center. I think maybe I'm having a hard time genuinely coping with the brutal truth of what's actually happening to me.

My alcoholism has cost me almost everything. I no longer live with my family, I have lost many jobs over the years, I'm destitute as it is. I have been rejected, stigmatized, shunned, labelled, abused and misused in my weakness. I have treated others in ways which I would personally never do without the influence of alcohol.

This morning I called my employer and told him what had happened. I have only been with this company for about a month. I told him that I had "hit the wall" and that I was going to the hospital. I do still have a job to go to on Monday, but I'm also very ashamed of myself and don't even want to show my face.

Thanks for listening to my pain at the moment.

I am going to continue in the treatment program and try to live soberly. I want this pain gone from my life. There's so much more to me than this, and this just takes it all away. I want to live, not be a walking dead man.

[aprilmoon]

This is the pits

You have taken the first step. You have admitted that you have a problem. I know about binging. I've done it so many times. I'm in my 50's. I have tried being sober so many times. I made it 4 months last year. I had so many binge days prior to Jan 28th when I found this website. The members told me to post alot about how I'm feeling and read a lot of threads here.

You will see that you are not alone. We are all working on our problems. You will meet some wonderfully inspiring people on this website.

I wish you the best in your journey!

[sunshine_gg]

This is the pits

Welcome Vissral :l

Depending on how badly you are suffering withdrawal, you may want to seek medical help? Otherwise, lots of water with lemon, and juice, tea, etc. Also, some rest (sleep) and a bite to eat will help.

My alcoholism has cost me almost everything.

Then, perhaps it's time to get serious, yes? Have you looked into the MWO program yet? Read the book? Made a recovery plan?

You have found a wonderful site and community here; we are all on the same journey - even if at different stages. Please read and post often; it can help tremendously.

Again, welcome.

.

[sdlovespackers]

This is the pits

April said it best...it's a journey...and when you are truly ready...you'll begin it...finding this place will certainly help you get there...if not now .....faster!!! We're here to help...not judge...that's what's awesome...I'm 34...know exactly what you mean....I feel the same way...I know I have so much more to give then what this sh* allows me to do...every day is hard...but the people here are great somehow make the struggle a little easier (I don't feel so alone anymore)...post often and read a lot...look forward to getting to know you

[lilmea]

This is the pits

Vissral-Welcome

You seem to have taken your first steps by going to the hospital and coming here. As you've been told above drink a lot of water, juices ect. Try to eat and get as much rest as possible the next few days. Come here and read, read, read and post. There are a lot of good caring people here. But most of all you will know you are not alone in this. I wish you the best.

[VissralNaction]

This is the pits

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the support.

I'll write more when I get my head back on straight.

[dill]

This is the pits

:welcome: Welcome vissral!

[last call]

This is the pits

Welcome Vis, Like everyone has said stay close, read the posts, ask for help when you need it. There's always someone here to listen to you, help you, and guide you. Take care of yourself. Hope to hear from you soon.

[Kirova]

This is the pits

Welcome, Viss! Looking forward to hearing from you tomorrow.

[veritas]

This is the pits

A warm :welcome:

You have taken a very big step. Keep walking and keep coming back. It can be a lonely journey at times and this is a community that can support you through your decision.

[VissralNaction]

This is the pits

Thanks again everyone.

I'm feeling better today, but still very in a 'recovering' state. I really knocked myself down this time!

It's funny, I think that I really may be ready to set it down forever now. I'm feeling something different from the usual "alcoholics remorse". The real irony about this last (maybe last forever?!) binge, is that it was triggered by me checking myself into a recovery program.

I have a good new job, and decent reasons to be hopeful about the future. I put myself into the Addictions Services here in London Ontario, in order to shore myself up ... give myself someone to talk to once a week ... keep myself sober.

I have no idea how I'm going to survive soberly ... how's that for bad thinking?! *lol*

Anyway, thank you all for your support last night ... it was a really bad experience. I'll keep writing here and look forward to being a part of the community. I think I can gain from this and hope that my own experience can be valuable as well.

Take care and I'll write again soon.

[aprilmoon]

This is the pits

Viss....you are looking on the positive side of your problem with drinking. Keep it up...WE CAN DO THIS!!!!:goodjob: