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I don't trust myself

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    #1

    I don't trust myself

    I am new at this and just beginning my journey. I am ordering the book today and some of the other support things. I have tried on my own before, but always see to "give in" way too early and easily. It's like if I start to have that "I want to drink tonight" feeling, I just say, What the hell?! ...and throw in the towel and buy the wine.

    I really want sobriety. I know how good it feels. My biggest obstacle is myself. I truly do not trust myself. I'm afraid of me. I'm afraid of the little devil inside of me that gives in waaay too easily. How do I toughen myself up and really get it and DO IT this time?

    I usually drink when I am on the computer at night. I isolate myself and drink alone. I have no problems saying no in public or around people who "know I shouldn't drink". Except my family. They don't see me drink (because I hide it), but they are not dumb. They know I'm drinking and I'm afraid my husband is on his last leg with me....

    I'm so afraid.
    Indifference is in your future with Baclofen. It works!

    My frustration with Baclofen, which is shared by Dr. Oliver Ameisen, is that because Baclofen is an off patent medication there is no profit motive for drug companies to support clinical trials that would demonstrate its efficacy in treating addiction.
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    #2
    I don't trust myself

    I know exactly how you feel. I don't trust myself at this point either. I often wonder if I ever will. You are in the right place.
    It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission.

    Comment

      #3
      I don't trust myself

      Dear help4me, hang on, just think about this minute, and then the next hour, it is the monster, not you. try to stay away from the isolation, it won't be easy, but stay around the people that care about you and do not want you to drink. Start thinking about doing things that are good for you even if their very smaall things. It will get easier.

      Comment

        #4
        I don't trust myself

        Hi Rachelita, I am hoping that the hypnotic CD's will help "retrain" my brain?!

        If anyone has used the CD's, please will you share how they helped you or not? Thank you
        Indifference is in your future with Baclofen. It works!

        My frustration with Baclofen, which is shared by Dr. Oliver Ameisen, is that because Baclofen is an off patent medication there is no profit motive for drug companies to support clinical trials that would demonstrate its efficacy in treating addiction.

        Comment

          #5
          I don't trust myself

          Hi Shamrock. Thank you for your reply. I really appreciate it. I will try to do something good for me today. Something small and before my usual trigger time. I am also going to help my daughter clean her room tonight. It sure needs it and will keep me busy. with her.
          Indifference is in your future with Baclofen. It works!

          My frustration with Baclofen, which is shared by Dr. Oliver Ameisen, is that because Baclofen is an off patent medication there is no profit motive for drug companies to support clinical trials that would demonstrate its efficacy in treating addiction.

          Comment

            #6
            I don't trust myself

            Hi help :welcome:

            How about if there is no alcohol in the house? Hiding places included - voice of experience here. Then do something besides the computer at night - engage with the family. Or plan what you are going to drink there instead. Something enjoyable but non-alcoholic. When you experience some success in the AF arena, I think your self-confidence will crowd out your fear. Good luck! We're here to help you.
            sigpic
            Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

            Comment

              #7
              I don't trust myself

              That 'fear' has kept me in active addiction and isolated for the best part of my life. I may of had family and friends around me etc but I was still isolated inside because of that fear. Afraid to give up, Afraid to keep drinking because I knew what the end result would be. I just couldn't give up though because I could not get myself out of that 'comfort zone' that I'd created for myself in isolation. Like you my drinking progressed to lone drinking; and stuck with my own thoughts with a belly full of booze drove me insane at times. I'm reminded here of something someone passed onto me a while back he said "Phil?" "Would you rely on the advice of a crazy person?" to which I would of replied "NO!" "So why do you listen to what your head tells you?". I took from that I can't fix my problems with the same level of thinking that's created them over the years and I truly believe that.

              It was very hard for me to get out that comfort zone and reach out and ask for help. In the beginning I got that through forums and reading and identifying with other peoples' struggles. I in time came to realise though that it was still not enough for me and I needed to come further out my comfort zone and start talking face to face to other addicts/alcoholics.

              You've taken a great first step posting though help4me. A big warm welcome to the forum and I truly wish you well with your goals whether that be moderating or total abstinence. I myself cannot moderate in any shape or form with any substance and it's taken me a long time to admit and truly accept. I've been here near on 18 months I think and it's been tough going. People have witnessed my relapses and I'm grateful for the support I've been shown here when I've messed up.

              Love and Happiness
              Hippie
              xx
              "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
              Clean and sober 25th January 2009

              Comment

                #8
                I don't trust myself

                help4me!
                Wow, sounds like I was reading my own history! Here's the reality: YOU can do this! Sad, it won't be a walk in the park, but if YOU want to stop drinking and resume life, YOU can do this.
                The recurring theme from me is that YOU have to do it for YOUrself. In my history, I found it does not work if I quit for my wife, or my kids, or anyone else. I had to quit for ME. I had to learn to love myself enough to want to live.
                You are in a good place to quit right now. Here on this forum, you will find all kinds of support..chat, read, post, discover. Don't be afraid of "failure" because in trying you are not failing. You may have some mis-adventures; but get up and get back at it and you will do fine.
                the first days AF are the hardest. It does geet better pretty quickly!
                Stay Strong!
                BHOG
                War isn't working. Let's try Peace!

                Comment

                  #9
                  I don't trust myself

                  Greeneyes, I have cleared the house of alcohol. I will not buy any.

                  Hippie, Thank you. I can completely relate to finding it extremely difficult to leave my comfort zone. I am a very inward person when it comes to sharing my feelings. I cannot even imagine doing it face to face...but maybe that will come? For now, I appreciate this message board. I will post during the days, but one of my initial goals is to stay away from the computer at night. My first diversion from my "comfort zone"....

                  I'm going to go check out that toolbox I've been reading about...
                  Indifference is in your future with Baclofen. It works!

                  My frustration with Baclofen, which is shared by Dr. Oliver Ameisen, is that because Baclofen is an off patent medication there is no profit motive for drug companies to support clinical trials that would demonstrate its efficacy in treating addiction.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I don't trust myself

                    help,

                    Good for you for getting rid of the AL! It's just too tempting with AL around. You asked about the CDs, yes, for me, especially in the beginning, they helped tremendously. I used them more than the book suggested as I was afraid of my own thoughts. I strongly believe in them.

                    Take care, and welcome!
                    Be
                    "Action is...the enemy of thought." :l Joseph Conrad

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I don't trust myself

                      Hi help4me!

                      I, too, feel afraid of myself. I just started posting yesterday, got the book, and ordered supplements. It is an amazing feeling to finally be able to share, get support and encouragement, and not be judged. I have a feeling MWO is going to be good for both of us. You can do this. Keep your chin up!

                      Comment

                        #12
                        I don't trust myself

                        I can't wait for my package to come. I'm excited to start listening to the CD's. I imagine, like you Be, that I will use them more than the book suggests... I, too, am afraid of my own thoughts and actions. Thanks for your message.
                        Indifference is in your future with Baclofen. It works!

                        My frustration with Baclofen, which is shared by Dr. Oliver Ameisen, is that because Baclofen is an off patent medication there is no profit motive for drug companies to support clinical trials that would demonstrate its efficacy in treating addiction.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          I don't trust myself

                          We (me included ) are called closet drinkers. I could write the book on how to hide the bottle. keep strong- my worst enemy is also myself. And the bottle- when I am alone -is my best friend, it does not judge, ridicule, or fight with me. It offers us unconditional love. But when you wake up in the morning- all its left is the awful side effects- guilt, and achy body and feelings of desperation.
                          SO try to focus on tomorrow - here are your options- Hangover-- or feeling good to start a new day.
                          Big tough choice when the bottle is staring at you, but SO WORTH IT the next day!
                          KEEP STRONG, we are here for you! Sit down with us tonight at your computer, with the bottle put away. !
                          DLW
                          Sobriety since October 2008 ( with a few bumps in the road ) - but I am still here, strong and fighting every day for my sobriety!
                          And every day is a challenge - But I am WINNING so far!



                          • Yesterday is History
                            Today is a Mystery
                            Tomorrow is a GIFT

                          Comment

                            #14
                            I don't trust myself

                            Hi Help4me, your story resonates with me so much. Everyone has already said teh thigns I'd say about reading and posting here, and staying close - its a great place with loads of support, really good non-judgemental people who understand what its like to be where we are.

                            Take care of yourself, and stay strong!

                            LO

                            Comment

                              #15
                              I don't trust myself

                              Welcome Help, You are at the right place. We all go through it ..with some ups and downs. You should try AA too if you can if not this is a great way to talk and not show your face. You will only get love, understanding and some solid advice from experience and not judgement. Keep posting. If you are going to be on the computer tonight stay on this site. Sometimes i will get on this site, get on chat and tell people im drinking and they help me work through it. Good luck to you.

                              Comment

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