How do you stop lieing to yourself?

[bettingdata]

For about 2 years I have randomly woke up and thought I am never drinking again, tipped all the alcohol down the sink and then for about 3 weeks not touched a drop. At that point I normally tell myself it's fine if I have a drink as long as it's just one and I don't make a big deal about it. Then before you know it I am drinking every night - i have got this down from a bottle of wine a night to one glass so now I start telling myself 'one glass of wine! That's healthy not alcoholic' - then that glass of wine becomes the most important event in the day.

I wish I could just not want alcohol, do you ever get to that point or is it always with you?

Cx

[startingover]

How do you stop lieing to yourself?

Hi Betting,
I so understand that feeling you have had, I had it for years and years, promising myself that this is it, thinking i could control my drinking. Then totally being unable to.
I thought I could never live a happy life without alcohol and drugs.
8 months ago, I decided to try. I found I could stop and I found I could be happy sober.
Honestly, I never thought I would be, but I am.
Give it a go, it wont happen overnight, but it sure is better than the mad roller coaster of addiction.

[Once Again]

How do you stop lieing to yourself?

I'm not sure when the lies stop. Been sober for 240 days, blew it, several times for 45 days. See I had to do better than 30 and it would be a competition with myself. One glass of wine turns to 2 bottles and I really don't like wine.

Just joined the group and am seriously looking at the pills. I never feel more healthy than when I'm sober and get very angry and depressed when I once again fail.

[homealone]

How do you stop lieing to yourself?

Boy, I can identify !! I do OK for a while, tell myself I've got a handle on it, and then.... wham.... it grabs me.

[aprilmoon]

How do you stop lieing to yourself?

You could be telling my life story except insert rum for wine. There was a thread here a few weeks or a month ago relating AL to their love of their life. I don't know how to find it and link it here. I hope maybe someone can. It puts AL in a way I have never thought of it before. The person who posted it was writing it as if it was a letter to a lover.

Somebody who knows how, can you link that post to this thread. It was awesome. I'll try to find it and link it, but I'm not good at this.

Best wishes to you and:welcome:

I found the thread. It's at the top of the Long Term Abstainers Forum. You should read the entire thread. It's a good one. The thread was started by the member named Katesm

Here is the post I was talking about. (I don't know how to post a link)

Ahhh, Voddy, I still miss you sometimes, buddy.

We have a bit of history, eh?

Remember that special rock right down the back of my yard? Under the beautiful apricot tree? Yes? Oh, how many nights did we spend out there? Beautiful, balmy nights and that special rock, designed just for sitting out and contemplating my innermost thoughts with you, solving the problems of the world. Remember how I'd laugh hysterically at some incredibly witty thought and fall backwards off that rock? And that meant falling directly in to that scratchy, prickly plant that we never did learn the name of. Hell Voddy, I could count my times out there with you, by the amount of torn blouses I discarded. Or the number of livid scratches on my battered self, the ones I had a litany of excuses for, should anyone enquire.

I tell you Voddy, we could have written a book on the sheer ingenuity of my excuses. We could have titled it, 'Ways to believe you've thoroughly fooled people'. Or better still, 'Ways to fool yourself that people thoroughly believe you.' Whatever, eh? Oh, and remember how I used to ask you all the time, "Why doesn't God put backrests on rocks?" Such a simple thing.

The rock was fun, Voddy, but that was just 'you and me' time. It was harder when I had to share my time with others. Okay, now I have to admit, the lengths we went to, to make sure we were never too far apart, bordered on the ridiculous. But such was our connection. And okay, okay, the cringe factor when you suddenly turned up in the most unexpected of places, was hard to take at times. I still have no idea why you chose to wait for me in the laundry cupboard. I mean, it would have been a delightful surprise if it had been me that found you there. No such luck, eh? But seriously, I understood the reasoning. After all, it was only me who ever used the cupboard in the first place. What right do people have to change the rules? I know my haughty indignation shone through loud and clear.

Oh Voddy, the times we had. Remember how I'd travel from place to place? Just so we wouldn't be seen together too often? I was a married woman with three children, it was vital to keep up appearances. And hell, if we thought anyone was becoming too familiar, we rewarded them for their pleasantries and kindness, didn't we? Oh yeah, never went to visit them again! If their revenue went down, well hell, it was their fault. Had they never heard of discretion?

But you started to get a bit needy, Voddy. You wanted more and more of my time, my energy, my life. It became harder and harder to improvise. There were only so many places I could meet you, now that the laundry cupboard had been ruled out. It was all becoming.....too hard. You really swept me off my feet. No, I mean really! For some reason, after a special time with you, I would find myself in a semi-fugue state. Almost...but not 100% sure, of what we'd done, who we'd spoken to, or how I managed to wake up fully dressed, on the couch, with a lousy '1985 Bittersweet Memories' CD playing over and over. Spooky, Voddy, spooky!

Breaking up was hard, Voddy. One of the toughest things I've ever had to do. (Well, aside from throwing out that beautiful Country Road blouse that I simply adored. That rotten rock!) No, seriously Voddy, I know I threw myself at you, not just flirting, but openly (and secretly) seducing you. But, you seduced me reciprocally. All's fair, Voddy. You almost sucked the life out of me. You left me withered and almost soulless. Almost.

I was lucky to scrape back the pieces of me before they were shattered and scattered forever. Without you, I'm whole again. I get angry at you Voddy, you took up a large portion of my life. Relationships are meant to move forward and it took a long time for me to realise that you didn't want to move forward, that your optimum direction was down. I'm glad I chose to move up.


I'm never really sure what connected us, but oh boy, was it a connection! I'm thinking of you today, not because I want to re-establish our relationship, but because I don't want to ever forget you. If I forget you, I may forget how debilitating our relationship was, how demeaning, how destructive.

And I warn you Voddy, and you should warn your friends, we have an army here. An army just itching for a fight.

[Mrs Donovan]

How do you stop lieing to yourself?

Wow! - I am so glad I read that April, thanks for re-posting it. Katesm should be a published author, that was so well written. There's so much I identify with in there.

Hi Betting, I, like you kept waking up in the morning thinking 'right, that's it' pouring any remaining merlot down the sink and then by 3pm I'd buy more because I just couldn't face the early evening without it. I couldn't understand tee-totallers, how is life bearable without a buzz? But I also knew I was a mess and it was all down to alcohol.

I stopped for 2 weeks and then had a drink with friends. Massive mistake - the hangover was HORRIBLE. I cried, felt ill, felt so desperately disappointed in myself, I couldn't function.

I can honestly say now that I love the sober buzz much much more than the drunk one. It was born out of doing it for others (I was a danger to my kids and my husband was disgusted with me) but I'm doing it for me now aswell - you just have to get out of the mindset that a drink is a treat. It isn't, it
really really isn't.

You have found a great place in this website. It has saved my life!

[gyco]

How do you stop lieing to yourself?

hi bett,i do sympathise with you,hole heartidly,but how i feel for you,will not stop the desire to drink,you have found a way,you can stop,as ive said to many,anyone can stop drinking,its the desire to Stay Stopped,to me pouring it down the drain is a waste of time,most dont have a problem buying it,even the bum on the street,i do beleive you will find the desire within yourself,or as they said in treatment to me,you will surely die,trying,i do wish you well gyco

[IAD]

How do you stop lieing to yourself?

Well.....next time you say " I will stop drinking " don't cross your fingers ! Ha! IAD

[Yogamomma]

How do you stop lieing to yourself?

Might as well have been me

That voddy story's a hoot and, aside from that it was WAY more craftfully put together than I could have done, it could have been my story. Back at day #1 after, regretfully, toasting St. Patty's last night (with moderation but still felt like doodie today). Thanks for sharing that.
:thanks:

[gyco]

How do you stop lieing to yourself?

see alls not lost we all keep coming back here,is that not what its about,trying, gyco

[IAD]

How do you stop lieing to yourself?

I'm just another ass on the internet but.........your the only one that can control yourself ! Have a heart to heart with yourself & come here for support! LOL IAD