Ticked: My Story in Brief

[Once Again]

I've been at this quiting thing for many years more than I care to admit today. Came from a two parent al home, attended 13 different schools, came home one day to find they had moved while I was at school and "dad" forgot to wait for me to get home. Fast forward 3 years and parents and a sibling died in a house fire (yes parents were drunk) I made it out. Yes I struggle with this al thing, over and over. Only to once again fall into my old patterns of dealing with hurt, anger or dissappointment. Have sustained a few long periods of sobriety only to once again swirl back into the HOLE.

Lost another sibling to drugs and al last year, fell into the daily black hole and decided to pop my head out of my a$$ and get sober. Lasted all of 45 days. I'm angry I gave in, I'm more angry that I have to start back at 1. Remaining siblings, husband and kids encourage me everyday to get healthy again. They know it is a struggle and try hard to make things a bit more manageable. Stinks to have everyone you love cheering you on, dreading the phone call that you may have slipped, and ready to start back at day one. The stinking anti depressants increase thought of suicide and no doc with ethics will prescribe. (Dear brother took two kinds and died last year), Now what, I read everything and can honestly say, I'm not hopeless, I do stay free for 30-45 days at a time.

Found this group and thought maybe just maybe others white knuckle through the bad times, don't know how to manage the day to day goofy stuff and sometimes just want to forget.

Today, I once again, try to succeed, I do like when all the aches go away.

[paraniod]

Ticked: My Story in Brief

Sorry to hear your story had been so tragic. I hope that you can continue day by day and am happy that you have support now. You can't change the past, look forward.

[Accountable for Me]

Ticked: My Story in Brief

So sorry. It does sound like you have more than your fair share of tragedy in the past.

Just take it one day at a time, and keep coming here for support. I can't tell you how many times I made it many weeks; even months, and gave in.... it is disappointing for sure. You deserve to be healthy, and it will click. Just keep on trying. Never give up!

Lots of hugs to you.

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Ticked: My Story in Brief

Hey Once,

You're definitely not hopeless with that much AF time under your belt and welcome! I'm so sorry to hear of your losses, it hurts just to read about them. It's taken me over 17 years to work on my issue with AL and I'm still working on them. This site has helped me tremendously and I feel better about myself than I have in years. The supplements do help me and so does the support and encouragement here.

You deserve better. There's nothing wrong with day 1, nothing. Don't be so hard on yourself. Do this for you. Take care of yourself. You can do it.

Becoming

[dlw]

Ticked: My Story in Brief

Your story is a sad one, keep close to us. We are a great bunch of friends with a common goal to be AF.

[Once Again]

Ticked: My Story in Brief

Yes it can be a sad story but most of the time it is a story of overcoming everything, landing a cool hubby, having kids (wasn't supposed to be able), stepping up to help a niece and sister, being Johnny on the spot for emotional support and should be what outsiders view as a "special life".

Have so much to be grateful for yet push everyone away to protect myself. Guess they called me on it this last year. I see my own kids distancing themselves from my al follies. Not a good thing.

[Angelcakes]

Ticked: My Story in Brief

Hey Once Again, thankyou for being so honest! You're in good company here.
Have you got a plan?? Is this Day 1 for you??
Like someone else said I find the supps really helpful & have a look in the 'tool box' thread in Monthly Abstinence...it's been said before there's no magic bullet...but there ARE some things that can lighten the load while you're white knuckling it.
I look forward to getting to know you.

xo

[Once Again]

Ticked: My Story in Brief

No plan yet, I fell off the wagon and frankly every part of me is still in damage control. For 45 days I didn't take so much as a tylenol. I wanted to feel everything that was hurting and deal with it.

Now, I gotta figure out why the left side abdomial pain is back, why I can't go to the bathroom, why my jeans don't fit, why my arms hurt to raise them. All back to day one. Total and complete do over. Yeah, I know it all hurts cause of dehydration and over extension. It will stop after a few more days. My heart hurts cause two of my friends called and thought I needed a ride home cause I fell of the wagon. No, I was at home, alone and bumming. It is not fair for me to cause them to feel like I might have driven a car when drinking. That is just not right. It is not their issue just mine. They did call and make sure I was okay. Hurtful to be checked on that way but a reality for long term friends.

Today, a new day. It is nothing to be drastic over. I may have slept with my husband without remembering but hey, he is the guy that showed up at the house . My last kid was gone for the weekend and hubby was sorry he didn't call and say he would be 4 hours late. Just my life I guess.