Here I go but I need your help!

[crazyforwine]

Today is going to be the day for serious cutting back pointing to 30 days AF. I am reluctant to post because I have tried so many times and failed; probably 4 times in as many months. So yet again, I am going to go through the withdrawals. I am so disgusted with myself, and so worried. AL has become way more than a past time for me, it's now so bolloxed up with my sleep, or lack therof, that I feel crazed. I just keep reaching for it when I can't sleep. After those initial hours of passed out sleep-10 pm to 1 am-I am grabbing some wine. This morning I feel like shit, and I have a busy day with work and 2 kids at home. Why do I (we) do this?

So I am going to tell myself this: yes, it's going to be painful, but I can go without sleep for a couple of nights. It's no worse than fitful sleep after drinking. The sweats are a GOOD thing and indicate my body is getting better. I CAN take care of myself today: drink lots of water with lemon, eat something I really love (sushi), and try to look ahead to some good days. I EXPECT I will feel anxious and paranoid, because I always do. This is not related to my real life, it is only the withdrawal talking. It will pass and I will feel optimisitic again. In a couple of days I will get back to running.

If anyone has some words of encouragement, please send them my way. I could put my head down on my desk right now and sleep, wish I'd felt that way at 2 am. I am really at the end of my rope!

Crazy and crazed

[Popeye]

Here I go but I need your help!

You can do this.
You have the courage and desire to change your life for the better.
Keeping busy is key. The sweats and all the other stuff are a good thing. It's your body getting rid of all the junk and poison. You will feel immeasurably better after just a few days. Those might be hard but it is worth it.
Good luck and don't let it beat you.

[Cinders]

Here I go but I need your help!

Crazy and Crazed,

We all know exactly how you feel, what you have been through and the struggle.

We do it because it is an addiction. Addiction sucks.

Hang tough, do what you plan because it is a good plan.

The lack of sleep does hurt for a while but it does get better.

I ended up taking a med for it, Trazodone, which is approved by the rehab I went to as not being addictive, etc.

You may want to make a doctor's appt and see if you can get some. It is also an anti-depressant. (I have no idea how it is an anti-depressant, 15 minutes after I take it, I am wobbling into bed and down for the count.)

Otherwise, you can try 6mg Melatonin, others say Valerian, others say Calmes Forte.

Whatever you do, though, do not let the lack of sleep woo you back to alcohol. I believe sincerely that sleep is one of the main reasons we give up trying to quit early in the process.

Once we get past that issue, sleep is amazing. The best you will have had in years.

Hang on to that thought.

Good luck!!
Cindi

[crazyforwine]

Here I go but I need your help!

Thank you for your thoughts, friends. Someone said in a post recently that you have to WANT to do this, not just feel you HAVE to do it. I think that's so important and a very hard place to get to. I really feel the HAVE to part because I am going to lose everything if I don't quit.

I have melatonin and take 1.5 mg. Cinders, do you think 6 is a good amount? I have prozac in my drawer but have not had the guts to take it, I can't bear the thought of more stuff in my system. I am hoping to get a refill on some Ambien today but my insurance company is strict about it and my doctor prescribes the most ridiculously small amounts. I wish it could be ordered on line.

I agree with you about the sleep issue. I'm known to my friends as someone who "values her sleep" because I am always trying to get more, usually after having a few glasses. I can't believe I have come to this point of living in a vicious circle.

Thank you for your support. You all are great and I am going to make this happen! I wish I could do what someone suggested recently: take two days off and just take care of myself. On the other hand, keeping busy with work is probably a good thing.

Sucks, sucks, sucks, but I understand from many of you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Namaste indeed, my light and your light.

Am going to use my real name this time.

Ann

[Cinders]

Here I go but I need your help!

Ann,

In rehab they dispensed 6mg of melatonin to us addicts for sleep.

It didn't help me much the first 3 nights but after that it helped a lot.

Namaste to you, too.

Cindi

PS On the Ambien thing. I met several people in rehab who were addicted to it. They had gotten up to taking 6-8 a night just to get sleep. I can't imagine how horrible it would be to come off something like that. Use great caution taking the Ambien. Okay?

[decastille]

Here I go but I need your help!

Crazy hang in there ! Last week I did 5 day AF with lots of headaches but this week its so much easier ! I Drink chamomille at night and sometimes I will take one tylenol PM . Its works for me !! Good luck and wishing you a great day!!

[crazyforwine]

Here I go but I need your help!

Cinders,

Scary about the Ambien. I'm not really surprised, when I run out, I definitely feel extra spacey. Probably lucky my doc only gives me 20- 5 mg pills at a time. Thanks for the warning! It's so easy to get cross addicted.

Ann

[shelley1]

Here I go but I need your help!

Hi.. thats i know what u mean about the scariness of no sleep and with small children its just not an option...have you been to the doctors for something to help you sleep..i used some antihistimines from the supermarket that are desgined for sleep...but im in the uk..but im sure in the us you can get alot more medication over the counter than we can...how about asking for a beta blocker for the panic attacks? i used these on a regular basis anyway but they did help massivley with withdrawel and kept me calm...for some people going to the drs isnt an option..but think what you would have to gain?..like you i used to drink in the end to sleep..cause i knew if i didnt then i would be awake all night..although once id made my mind up the quality of sleep i have now is soo much better anyway..so your not losing anything...it took me ten times to give up smoking..and getting back in the saddle again is a real show of strength..and says alot about you....someone once said to me "never give up on giving up" you cant go back now you know the truth xx pm if you want xx

[polaryzed]

Here I go but I need your help!

Wow, ouch . . .

Hi Craz,

Been there for sure. I can't attest to meds. cuz I don't take them. The two times I went to hospital for surgery or pnem., they gave me some kind of sedative at night to sleep and I was awake all night for days. (And it's funny how they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill). So I really shy away from meds but that just me.

I hear you on the sleepless nights and having to go to work. Ouch.

I used those relaxation CD's and learned how to relax my entire body that helped alot with sleeping.

Be well . . .

[bouchard01]

Here I go but I need your help!

Hi ... can you try to focus on one day. It really has helped me. I'm also taking the Kudzu, L-glut and listening to the CD. I've got the support of my husband and I find that it's working for me. Find the strength, you will be amazed.

[crazyforwine]

Here I go but I need your help!

Thanks, all. I'm off to a fairly good start thanks to all your help and advice. The sleep will be the thing that distresses me, but I have already laid out a nice stack of sleeveless T-shirts and a couple of towels. I towel stuffed under the shirt is a GOOD thing, however hideously unattractive!

Focus. Eat. Drink water. Post. Got it! I greatly appreciate the support both on this thread and on the many many threads that come before.

Ann

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Here I go but I need your help!

Ann,

You sound so prepared to do this it's wonderful! I like chamomille tea in the early evening but don't drink it too late because then I have to get up to pee, LOL! I also take melatonin and l-tryptophan and it helps me a lot. I take 5mg of the melatonin, started with 3mg but it wasn't enough for me. I also read before bed and it helps to calm me and get my mind off things.

I wish you nothing but the best in getting out of that awful cycle, buddy!

Take care, :l
Be

[Lonely One]

Here I go but I need your help!

Dear Ann,
Just wanted to chime in and wish you luck, although I'm sure with your plans laid out you will be fine!

Re the sleeping, I had a couple of bad nights but then settled into a routine of nights where I still woke up a couple of times, but felt OK in the morning because the quality of my sleep without Al was much better - if that makes sense. But I'm an insomniac anyway so I'm kind of used to not sleeping well.

The other thing I find helpful is lots of distractions - keep busy in the evening just doing stuff - anything - it takes my mind off Al and also tires me out a bit more.

Take care, and all the best
Lo

[bettingdata]

Here I go but I need your help!

Don't fall for my big mistake...... after about three week AF i tell myself - this is easy now so therefore i never had a problem in the first place. I break open the wine having convinced myself I am being too hard on myself in the first place. Before you know it the pain in my side is back and I am terrified I about to drop down dead etc.

Good luck

[crazyforwine]

Here I go but I need your help!

Bettingdata,

Been there, done that, over and over and over. THe moment I start to feel good, I'm convinced I can handle AL. Wrong. Thanks for reminding me. There are lots of pitfalls, aren't there? Not easy to redesign one's life.

ann