Dont think I can do this

[Functional Drunk]

I am brand new to this and not sure what to say or do.....Here is my story....

I am 37 years old and took my first drink when I was very young. I have been a heavy drinker for about 15 years. I drink wine and lots of it. I am a single Mom, I have a 17 year old daughter and a 7 year old son. My daughter is in a dual diagnosis treatment center for drugs/alcohol and anger management. My son is a great normal 7 year old.

I drink 4 to 8 glasses of wine EVERY night. Reading through the posts made me feel sad. My health is deteriorating. My cholesterol is high and I have really bad anxiety. Drinking helps the anxiety as much as it makes it worse.

I work full time and keep my house clean and take care of everyone in it. 2 kids, a b.f., 4 cats, 2 dogs and gecko.

So what's the problem? Well, here's my secret. I cannot drive if I am the least bit hungover because of panic attacks, I cannot work in the public the least bit hungover because of panic attacks. Shopping malls are a no etc. But if I drink before or during the above I am fine. NOT GOOD

I quit working in the public and now work from home. I try to travel the hour drive to see my daughter once a week but it is tough. So if I panic I pull over chug a beer and let my B.F. drive.

I too have trouble sleeping. I pass out wake up 6 hours later and then feel like shit. Many times I have finished the wine on my night stand to try to help. I also like many others have poured the wine back in the bottle to save it for later. I drink during the day at times but try not to because my job requires me to be on my toes.

I love the taste of wine and when I drink I chug it! I go from sober to drunk quick but hardly ever feel drunk cuz I black out. I know I am drunk cuz my B.F. tells me. And when I get towards the end of the second bottle I can get nasty and not remember a bit of it!

The nights I only drink a bottle I feel fine the next day, it's into the second one it gets bad.
This has been my pattern FOREVER! Not sure what to do but I know this cannot be right!

When do you know I mean duh I know my problem but how do you find the courage to quit? Should I quit or should I cut down. I know AL is not good for you but I don't think I can stop. I have been prescribed Campral in the past and it helped me to drink only 1 to 2 glasses a night. But I stopped taking it. I used to be prescribed a ton of meds for anxiety but currently only take one. But wondering if I don't need them cuz I hardly ever leave my house without some AL in my system. Ramble Ramble I go.......

Also trying to lose my "muffin top" and cannot beat it's the AL
Would appreciate any thoughts, my B.F. is much younger than me and is very passive. He drinks but can stop why can't I...

[IAD]

Dont think I can do this

Functional......You can do it ! It'll be hard.....but you can do it! You might fail a few times but.....you can do it ! LOL IAD Were here to support you !! ( aint nothing to it but to do it ! Ha! )

[Cinders]

Dont think I can do this

Functional,

You are describing my pattern of drinking in the past.

Mine got much worse. MUCH.

They say it is a progressive disease. I don't know if it is a disease or not and don't care about that debate.

I do know I got worse and worse and worse.

Today it is a life or death battle for me.

You can stop. It is very simple but difficult. But, you can do it. You must want to do it.

As to whether to cut down or abstain, that is your choice.

You should read RJ's book. It has a lot of information in it. After you read it, you can think about how you want to approach this problem.

:welcome: and like IAD says, we are here to offer any advice and help we can.

BTW, I am not sure how your body will react to abruptly stopping. You may need to go to doctor to get meds to safely withdraw. Everyone is different. You can have a seizure or stroke/heart attack if your blood pressure stays too high too long. I add that because it is a possibility. Not sure about your situation but I do believe it is better to be safe than sorry.

You can be prescribed a week's worth of Librium or Ativan and it will make the withdrawals much easier and safer.

Best of luck to you and I look forward to getting to know you.
Cindi

[choppersmom]

Dont think I can do this

Functional,

Welcome! You have come to a great place for support and encouragement. All of us are here for you! You can do this ~ :welcome:

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Dont think I can do this

Functional,

I understand this. I'm 48 and was a heavy wine drinker. Please listen to me from experience. The panic attacks are due to the alcohol. It might sound weird, but it's true. You wrote "Drinking helps the anxiety as much as it makes it worse." It does make it worse and it'll keep getting worse.

Please read the My Way Out book, it's downloadable from here. (Go to Home, then Health Store, then Softcover Book & .pdf). You can do this, that's why you're here! We all need help sometimes. Continue to post and read others' posts here.

I wish you nothing but the best,
Becoming

[AstraiaJ.]

Dont think I can do this

Hi Functional,
Welcome. I too was functional and held it all together along with massive quantities of wine for many years, until I realized that just being functional was no life at all for me. It took me some time and it may for you too but most of all keep coming back here where you will find people who have been there and who know what it's like.

I too had the problems with anxiety -- as time has gone by I have done some reading and discovered that AL can do that to you, mess with your brain chemistry. For many people it feels worse at first when they try to quit, which is why they have problems quitting. So in addition to what Cinders said, I'm wondering if some temporary help with the anxiety part might help also. Here's the good news: at least for me, the anxiety has become MUCH much better -- it was part of the withdrawals (apparently withdrawals begin within several hours of your last drink, even if you only drink in the evening, so maybe that's why you feel a continual cycle of it? I'm not a doctor but it sure was a crazy ride for me!) Like I said though, it isn't perfect for me yet, but I am finally freed from all of that hell. And it was like hell. It was hard getting here, but worth it.

There is a great little book on panic attacks by Shirley Trickett. You could probably google it.

Best to you and stay with us!:welcome: AJ

[Functional Drunk]

Dont think I can do this

Is 4 to 8 glasses of wine a night a lot?

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Dont think I can do this

I think if you're asking that question you know the answer for you...is it helping you or making you feel worse? Let's look at milk...do you drink 4 to 8 glasses of milk a day?
If your 7 year old were to drink 4 to 8 glasses of soda a day, would that be ok?

Be

[choppersmom]

Dont think I can do this

Functional,

IMHO, I think that 4 to 8 glasses of wine a night is a lot. Wine has always been my drink of choice as well, and this just seems like a lot for one night. Let me know how I can help!

[IAD]

Dont think I can do this

Functional..........If your questioning how much your drinking, then it's too much. Most people that don't have a problem don't even think about how much they drank........Just take it easy, and keep an eye on how much your drinking......You might get away with being a moderate drinker.....let's see. LOL IAD

[gyco]

Dont think I can do this

hi functional,i guess it depends on how big the glass is,panic disorder almost ruined my life,up to 45 i never had any,not that i no of,but i would of knew,it hit me like a ton of bricks,woke from a sleep,kinda hallucinating,bewildered,shaking,hot,cold,heart was beating a mile a minute,i beleive there were 8 more symptoms,it was the worst,had four like that ,thot i was gonna die,seen 4 psychiatrists,umpteen half dozen psychologists and counsellors were only 2,as you get old they get worse,have to remember i self medicated with Al for 29 years b4 i had the 1st,many drugs later i found out the problem,to much stress,which i cured with Al,it didnt work anymore,finally at 54 i got treatment,forced treatment cause i might of lost all,who knows,but it helped,anything we do at moderation,will most likely not hurt us,i had to be tot,took going to a good health care center to find that out,im not drinking rite now,and i wont ever say i wont,i also no i can moderate,just don't know if i want to anymore,and beleive me im glad i can say that,its up to me,and i do wish you well, gyco

[horizonsnew]

Dont think I can do this

Hi Functional
I am fairly new here as well. I downloaded the MWO book and found that it answered an awful lot of my initial questions (in regards to my own AL drinking) I have not quit AL but have tapered down to a bottle of wine a night..I was drinking way more than this a couple of weeks ago.
I too had panic attacks a few months ago which totally interfered with my ability to drive and I didn't know at the time that it was AL related. I just thought that I had developed a phobia (sp) to driving!! I am starting to get my life back on track slowly..You can do it too!!
I do recommend that you read the book..it is a great starting block.

[Blue Sky]

Dont think I can do this

:welcome:Hi Functional

You are not alone here, many of us have a very familiar story. I am a similar age to you, also a mum and a red wine drinker. Like you I prided myself in keeping it all together. I stopped 11 days ago and am feeling alot better. No meds just will power. I was drinking over a bottle a night most nights of the week but didn't get withdrawal, just headaches the first few days. I am feeling so much better and looking great too! The bags under my eyes have gone and my complexion has a new radiance to it. Isn't that enought incentive for any girl? Sleeping deeply too. Give AF a go! But it's probably best to see your doc first if you think withdrawal is a possibility.

Good Luck, looking forward to hearing how you get on!

[flyinhigh]

Dont think I can do this

Functional-

I may be repeating what others have said, but if that is the case then you know we are speaking the truth. The first good thing you did was finding this site. By all of us here that took that action, we have to recognize we have an issue. You are not alone and there are many people here that will support you along this journey. I, like you, am a single mom and keep the ship running tight. I can't relate to the panic attacks, I wonder if you have sought professional help for that issue? I also think some people may have similar attacks when they are detoxing from al, so maybe in some other threads there is advice on different med/supplements that can help.

I just want you to know that by coming to mwo you have taken the first step for yourself....now keep on walking and it's ok to take baby steps.

xo
flyin'

[shelley1]

Dont think I can do this

i would say re:4-8 glasses of wine a night...do you care whether you have them or not?...do you rule the wine or does it rule you? do you have to drink to sleep? thats when i knew it ruled me..and thats addiction..if you cant imagine not doing it.