Depressive needs alcohol to feel normal

[Myrna]

Help, help... I come from a family of alcoholics, so I know that my drinking problem is genetic. My extra problem is that I am so depressed, always, and that meds don't seem to help, and that the only time I feel happy is when I am drinking. I have gone for at least 6 months sober, and have been deeply depressed the whole time. When I slip and drink, at least I have a few hours respite. Of course, I pay the price later in self-hatred, etc. HOW do I feel normal again??? I've tried Paxil, Lexapro, Welbutrin - without alcohol; any suggestions?

[startingover]

Depressive needs alcohol to feel normal

Hi Myrna. You are going through the mill right now arent you? I am sorry..
Have you thought about counselling? Maybe looking at the reasons in your life and making some changes might be a solution to the depression?
I come from a family of alcoholics too, I suffered from depression. But counselling plus stopping the alcohol and prozac helped me out of my pit of despair.
I really can understand how you feel.. its truly horrible.

[savon19]

Depressive needs alcohol to feel normal

Myrna - I understand what you're talking about. I "tend" towards depression.

What I've been trying to do lately is be AWARE of my "self-talk". MY GOD - I realized how much I put myself down and don't give myself credit.

When I hear myself think: You're a self-indulgent... blah blah blah - I'm trying to stop and think about what I just told myself. None of us are ALL good or ALL bad. But many of us are very self-critical. Which is a good thing, in a way... but when we Berate ourselves for not being perfect - it's just not good (and leads to drinking).

I guess it comes down to Valuing ourselves. Which is hard to do when we've put ourselves down for Years. But that is what I'm aiming for - and it's Not "self-indulgent"! It's sort of like what we've heard: if you can't love Yourself, how can you love anyone else?

I think that's true. And I have a long way to go. Since I've probably "not loved" myself for a long time. I have to rebuild my relationship with myself! Sounds odd.

I also realized - not for the first time, but maybe more Strong? - that I have a LOT of anger inside. Towards myself (falling short of Perfection - or my own expectations of myself)... as well as towards Others. And stuff, in general.

I felt today (!) that I have to do something with this ANGER. Got to get rid of it. I believe it is a huge stumbling block in my life. Keeping me from a lot of Happiness.

I know what I need to do... just not sure I know HOW to do it!

Now, there's a difference between depression and Clinical Depression. If you feel you have the clinical type (which, to me, means "for no actual Reason")... please get help.

You are Valuable. I know when you feel down, that seems hard to understand. But, for one thing, you allowed ME to get some of my stuff "out there" - which has helped!

Godspeed.

[OverIt2007]

Depressive needs alcohol to feel normal

Hi Myrna. Im sure you will get tons of great advice on here, but maybe I can add in some help too. You said you "feel" happy when you are drunk, but in reality, you are not truly happy, its just an induced state of drunkeness that lies to you. I know its hard to start at square 1. So many of us on here have to do that. Soul searching, counceling, and looking deep inside ourselves even when we do not want to. Maybe start with doing small things that make you feel good outside of drinking? Is there anything now that makes you happy?

[Boss.man]

Depressive needs alcohol to feel normal

Myrna, depression is caused by overuse of alcohol.

When you drink you feel good. We all like that. But as the alcohol gets metabolized your mood crashes. This is because the AL has created artificial expectations in the mood part of the brain, and also because it warps the chemical balance in the brain.

When we are young, we recover fast. We can "Sleep off" the bad mood part. As we age, the ration of bad mood to good mood gets worse. For me, every hour of drinking results in four hours of depression, about a 4-1 ratio. It's amazing I held on to AL so long with that.

If you drink to recover from the bad mood, you end up lowering your whole mood baseline. With a lower baseline you will be normally depressed, unless you are drinking. But every time you drink, you set yourself up for a mood crash that makes you even more depressed.

The only way I've found is to stop drinking, suffer through the first five days of really depressed mood, and then slog the long road back to a state where one attains a normal mood baseline. In 2009 I've had about 15 drinking days and the rest AL free. I still find that even a small amount of drinking returns me to the "depression cycle" when the AL wears off. Maybe after six months or more my body will achieve a better balance.

I wish there was a drink to end drinking, or that my body didn't react to alcohol by making me depressed every rebound cycle. The only solution I found so far involves a lot of mint-tea and time. But I'm very glad to be doing it, and I'm grateful that my moods are returning back to what I remember they should be.

[lil.michelle]

Depressive needs alcohol to feel normal

Oh wow, you sound just like me.
It's a real hard to circle to break.
RIGHT, i'll try to put this in a simple way which makes sense.
Depression is a bitch and it's an even bigger bitch to cure. HOWEVER, it can be done. It really is trail and error with drugs and doses. You really need to work closely with a doctor and find a doctor who you can be open with and explain your feelings.

I found that no drugs helped me but drink gave me an escape from it. HOWEVER, drink is a depressent. It will give you a happy, relaxed feeling but when it wears off it cause the imbalance of you brain to be much worse and throw you even deaper into depression. So it's a horrible circle as we long for that 'escape' but we make ourselves much worse.

After MANY testing of different drugs and tears as i thought i was a hopeless cause, the doctor put me on a strong dose of a depression tablet which slowed some nurves that were firing fast all the time which caused me to never be able to relax without AL. AL also slowed down these nerves. Slowing them down, made me able to relax and even sleep and the tablets also helped with the depression. I don't have the name of these tablets on me but i'll find them and give them to you. Another thing you should know, some depression tablets take round about 6 months to get into your system and work.

[savon19]

Depressive needs alcohol to feel normal

OMG - bossman - you wrote what is SO True! I've been in this cycle of drinking "to feel better", only to feel less better, causing me to drink.

You really have given me courage to just flat Quit. Get past that five days.

I need to "freakin" grow up! Thanks.

[decastille]

Depressive needs alcohol to feel normal

Hi myrna
..same like you family of alcoholics ,depression..This is what works for me
Doctor put me 2 months ago on citalopram 20 mg... i call it my little happy friend..
I tried zoloft, effector. not good but this one is great for me ..also yoga ,and walking...great for the mind..and kudzo , l-glutamine and reading post here and making new friends with a positive attitude!

[decastille]

Depressive needs alcohol to feel normal

Botton line if I drink becauce im depressed , ill feel better for a little while but then its worst...if I have a drink in a happy frame of mind with friends and dont abuse it I'm ok...

[nancy]

Depressive needs alcohol to feel normal

Hi there

So did the medication ever work for you?

I can see that antidepressants would not work if you were drinking at the same time. but if you took all of these without booze and they didn't work, might be what they call treatment-resistant depression. I guess older anti-depressants can work in these cases but have bad side effects. There might be some newer ones you could try. What does your doctor say about all this?

You got a lot of good responses here. I think Savon really is on the right track. Everything she said resonates with what helped me climb out of a clinical depression without anti-depressants.

[Lost35]

Depressive needs alcohol to feel normal

Hey Myrna,
My first night of sobriety is tonight (so far). I too have abused alcohol for years and have been on Zoloft, Welbutrin, and now Prozac for depression as well as Klonopin for anxiety and panic attacks. Im unclear as to wheter or not my drinking caused those issues or if the issues were genetically in me and alcohol obviously made it worse. I was seeing a therapist who told me that seratonin and dopamine receptors in the brain change over years of alcohol use, and it could take up to a year after your last drink for them to return to "normal". She also told me that mixing my meds with drinking (even 12 hours apart) is an extremely dangerous thing to do. So, my solution has to be to break the ritual, and just change what I do. My drinking is a mindless pattern, but when I went out for a walk it helped me. That being said meds or no meds, a Therapist would be a great first step.

[Lost35]

Depressive needs alcohol to feel normal

Wow...Bossman....i got quite a few levels of reality from your post. Tonight is my first night of sobriety and I just happen to have mint tea