This is not good

[Lost35]

It's 1:15am and my first night of being alcohol free is still in tact...But I'm having panic attacks and shaking and sweating.....been drinking mint tea all night...doing my breathing exercises....I'm totally not gonna get any sleep....:shockedmonkey:

[startingover]

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Hey Lost, you are doing great! I know its hard, but I have just read your other thread and from where you began, you are doing well.
Can you massage more of your reflexology points? How about a warm/hot bath?
You will get through this my friend, stay strong!

[Lost35]

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Thank you....I just keep staring at the clock. Every minute that passes I'm just counting as as more distance between me and the last time I drank...Thanks for your encouragement, I really appreciate it!

[Guest]

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Hi lost, I am awake and I am reading your day and sounds like you are having a bad time, but you are getting there. Is anyone there with you? Does anyone know what you are doing? NO big deal, just curious making sure you are cared for.

Well I am here and I am just watching a movie, I will be on my computer so if you need contact I am here. I should be up for a half hour or maybe an hour more, i am kind of having a problem and not ready to settle in for the night. :heart::heart::heart:

[Lost35]

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Thank you ocean. Emotionally this experience is bad because abolutely no one in my life knows what I'm doing because I was somewhat successful at concealing my addiction, so that to admit the need to detox would be to admit to a much bigger problem. This forum is my only outlet, and I feel so lucky to have found it. Thank you for reading about my struggle. If I can't fall asleep by 3 I'm going to try to take another walk which has helped today with my palpitations and anxiety Thank you so much!

[startingover]

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Your determination is inspirational you know...its good to hear.
Just think, in a couple of days, all this will be behind you and you can concentrate on moving forward. That feeling of being trapped in the cycle of addiction and having to hide it from loved ones is exhausting..

[rubywillow]

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Lost, I'm awake too, if I can be of any support to you. I understand the not sleeping - it sucks! Take care, hon!

[Guest]

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[QUOTE=Lost35;578254] T, and I feel so lucky to have found it.

You and me both brother! I first found this site at the end of december and I have not once gone to bed drunk or passed out. I have gotten so much strength from all the fine people that are so kind and sharing.
When I first arrived I was totally stressed out and lost and had no way to find my way back. I even had my suicide plan. The only reason I did not do it is because I was afraid of failing if I stayed alive and had diminished my physical and mental capabilities. Then I told my therapist about my plan and she told me it would work. (Well, I was sure to tell her I would not do it.)

Kind of strange how much we love life and how difficult emotions can be and how we can be led around by the nose by them. I don't know, and I do not have any answers.

I really like your personal statement about the ship in the harbor. It made me think and that is why I write what I am writing now.

It's like surfing. I live where there are great whites and I think what if today I go out and lose my arm, just because I decided to surf TODAY. But if I let that stop me (or any of my fears) I would never ride the wave.

SO you are on a wave of a sort now and it's a big one and it's scary. But thankfully the great whites are not in the water with you at the moment, so you have nothing to fear, just get over the top.
:happyheart:

[Guest]

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ps - since your are in NJ you could be my nephew! WHo knows. It could be totally possible!
Do you have an auntie in California? (Just a light serious note!):heart:

[rubywillow]

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You sound well tonight Ocean. So good to hear your plan is working!

[Guest]

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Ruby, as an aside I just found your post about how and why people choose their avators. So I am STILLawake. What a fun thread that is, Thank you.

[Kirova]

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Hi lost. Just checking in to see if you were finally able to settle in and get some rest. As startingover indicated...in a few days, this will be behind you and you'll feel better. :h

[Guest]

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Me Too....lost35 hope you are having a bit of a sleep. Goodnight to you. Sending good thoughts your way...

[Blue Sky]

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Hi lost

Just read your thread and hope you've managed to get some sleep. If you're still awake have a look at the ODAT thread, (One Day at a time). It's 9.30 in UK and the Brits will be up and about if you need to chat. Just hang in there and in a few tough days you will feel so much better and less anxious. I know as I started 2 weeks ago. Being AF is fantastic.

On a more serious note, you don't say how much you are accustomed to drinking. I don't want to worry you unneccesarily when you are already sufferring anxiety but alcohol withdrawal can be serious and if you are getting major withdrawal symptons you should see your doctor asap or go to your local Emergency Room. Some members of this site have reported fitting. The doctor's can give medicine to prevent this and make withdrawal less painful.

Anyway good luck and a big well done on your first night, the first steps are the hardest.

[Lost35]

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Thank you so much for your post. I'm actually still awake here in New York....I guess my body got so accostumed to "passing out" rather than falling asleep, I'm just gonna have to wait until I can get tired enough to do it again naturally. The good news is, even though I'm still sweating like crazy, then drinking juice, then sweating more, then drinking more juice, the shaking has slowed down...But when I try to close my eyes and fall asleep I wake up with a single abrupt "twitch"...I had been consuming half of a 1.75 ml bottle of vodka every night with only 1 or 2 exceptions for the past several years. I knew this day had to come and I'm lucky to have your support I really appreciate not feeling so alone...Thank you!