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[BridgetJones1998]

Good morning all. I can't even remember the last time I logged it. It has been a couple of months. Work has been very busy... my excuse.... and I took the opportunity after being AF for about 45 days to try MODS. For those who don't remember me, I had been drinking wine heavily, 1-2 bottles per night for 10 years with all of the self-loathing/guilt that goes along with it. I tried to go AF last summer and did 30 days but back to old ways when tried to mod. Overall, this time, I have done well but would like to do a 30 day AF again just to make sure that I still OK. For the past 2 months, I have had several AF days per week and have had success keeping my drinking days at 2 or 3 glasses of wine, usually two. No DRUNK DAYS! I am still on the Topamax, maximum dose was 150 twice a day but I had started tapering back and was on 100 twice a day and found myself the last few days stopping at the liquor store and buying a bottle of wine... not drinking the whole thing! like in the olden days, but not having as many AF days as I would like.

I am tapering back up on the Topa and going on a 30 day AF. My concern is that I MAY be dependent on the Topa for my effective moderating which may not be an effective long term plan. I have felt great. I have not had the self loathing or guilt and have felt in control. I have not had hangovers. So.... here I am because I am nervous because I have drank for the past 4 evenings and feel I need to get this under control. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I know that most of you are abstainers and not many modsters.

In any event, I'm in for a 30 day AF stint!!! All the wine is out of the house and I'll be checking in daily.

Bridget

[Snapdragon]

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Welcome back Bridget! Well done for getting things under control and it's good that you recognise possible hickups and challenge them head on. Good luck with your 30 days - if you're starting today then I'll join you. :welcome:

[Seacailin]

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Welcome back Bridget
I think that I am going to order the Topa. My doctor wouldn't give it to me because my blood pressure runs very low, but Hell, I almost pass out on a daily basis from the low blood pressure and I definitely need a mood stabilizer.

[meditation mama]

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Welcome back, Bridget!

Good for our for taking the initiative! It is always good to check in with ourselves - if you don't who really will. We all have to be completely honest with ourselves to know where we are - sounds like you are doing that. Good luck and I am with you on your 30-days.. It's day two for me, and I don't plan on trying MODS again, but nonetheless, we are all in this together.. Good luck!

Namaste,

MM

[rustop61]

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Hi Bridget and welcome back

I cant help regarding the topa as I have not tried it. There is a section on topa etc. and you may get some useful feedback there. Lots of us check in on the ODAT (One day at a time thread) and I find that useful. Good luck.

Rustop

[BridgetJones1998]

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Thanks to all of you!!! Day 1 for me! I'll be checking in on ODAT! Have a great day everyone!

Bridget

No longer alcohol free since Dec 16th!!! I need to change that!!

[Guitarista]

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Hi Bridget.
Welcome back. Great that you are on to it, and have a plan. All the best..................G.

[BecomingMeAtLast]

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Hi Bridget,

Welcome back! I'm a modder and one thing I need to do on a daily basis is check how I feel physically. I take other supplements besides the topa and they help me a lot. So does exercise, I'm finding there are some days I just don't want to drink because it'll get rid of the "high" I'm experiencing from exercising.

Good for you for keeping yourself in check! I, too, don't want to be dependent on topa forever.

Take care,
Be