What do you do.....

[aznative]

When your spouse doesn't recoginize that there's a problem?

I'm new here, and checking things out. Think I need to start off with the book and go from there. I've been self-medicating with vitamins for a little while (l-glutamine, 5-htp) and not noticing much difference.

Hubby and I have drank since we met, almost 12 years ago. I feel like it's gotten worse over the last few years, and we now have 2 young kids that our habits will begin to have a tremendous effect on if we don't change our ways soon.

The problem--he doesn't think there's a problem. I've done everything but gotten on my knees and begged him to help me. We feed off of each other. I wake up in the morning SWEARING I'm not going to drink that night. Dinner time comes, he suggests going out, and that triggers it for us. We go to happy hour somewhere, have a few, and come home and have a few more. my 5 year old has begun to ask why she's only allowed 1 glass of milk at dinner when me and daddy get how ever many we want??

So back to my question. I totally recognize that I have a problem. But in order to fix myself, I'm feeling like I will need to separate myself from hubby somewhat if he's not willing to work with me. Our relationship is already suffering. Affection is practically non-existent. Anyone else in this boat, and how do you handle it?

[peacenik]

What do you do.....

hi az...tough situation...sometimes you have to help yourself in spite of the people around you. are you in counseling? could you drink soda instead when you go out...have you shown him this site and the moderators sections?

i hope you find what you are looking for dear.

peace!

[Delta Moon]

What do you do.....

Welcome, aznative :welcome:

I was in your same position 6 months ago when I joined MWO. My hubby and I spent all of our recreational time together drinking. After 20 years of marriage it was out of control. Daily drinking, fighting and lack of affection had our marriage on the brink of separation. I was so tired of the cycle of drinking, hangovers and picking up the pieces of my broken relationships that I was willing to try anything. A friend told me of MWO and I have been successfully breaking the bonds of alcohol with the tools I have learned here.
My husband who drank so heavily has now been AL free for two months. I have shared my journey with him and I feel he liked the change in me and wanted that for himself too. Our relationship is so much better and our children are happier in a more healthy environment. You need to take care of yourself and get the daily alcohol out of your life. The rest will come. The book is the best place to start.
We are all here to help you.
Blessings-

[aznative]

What do you do.....

Thank you for your replies. I'll have to start off getting the book. that was my thought, Delta Moon, that maybe if I take care of myself first, hopefully hubby will follow.

[bouchard01]

What do you do.....

Hi My story is the same as yours and Delta's. My husband decided to help me and quit too ... we have now been AF for 35 days and have been married for 31 years. Even if he won't quit with you he will slow down and maybe someday quit. As Delta said "You need to take care of yourself and get the daily alcohol out of your life. The rest will come. The book is the best place to start.
We are all here to help you."

[DeeBee]

What do you do.....

Welcome Aznative!!
You have come to the right place for support and understanding.

[WannaBFree]

What do you do.....

I have not been in this situation but can imagine it to be like living with a smoker when you are trying to give up. not easy. I suggest giving your own sobriety a red hot go ( it is sooo worth it! ) and then hopefully he will see how happy you are and may get bored with drinking on his own and join you ha ha ever the optimist ( except when hungover ; ) Best wishes to you xx

[Luvwins]

What do you do.....

"Spouses who drink" thread

:welcome: AZnative. I will look for the above thread and "bump" it so that it's easy for you to find. I think the situation for those of us with spouses who drink varies a lot. There are a certainly lucky ones whose spouses are 100 % supportive of the change but from what I can tell from lots of browsing here at MWO there are many that are oblivious to down right sabotaging. I got a lot from reading that thread. You may also. I also found the book "Drinking, a love story" (I think that's it) very helpful for understanding alcohol as as 'relationship' in it self and how that impacts real relationships.

[aprilmoon]

What do you do.....

Aznative :welcome:

My husband doesn't drink. Well, he can have one beer every 3 or 4 months. That pisses me off that he can take it or leave it. LOL Me one drink leads to 10 or more a night and on and on and on.

He is very supportive of me being AF. During all my drinking binges, he never said anything to me about my drinking. I wished he had, but I probably wouldn't have listened.

I do feel your journey to be AF is going to be hard without his support, but you can do it. Stay on this website, read and post. You will find lots of people going thru the same thing as you. I wish you the very best in your journey. Continue to do your best without AL. He will start to see the difference in you and maybe join you in your journey. Feel free to PM me if you need some words of inspiration or just a kick in the butt!