OK - I'm trying to decide...

[savon19]

if I'm depressed. I THINK I am... (Which leads to drinking - or give me an excuse?)

On the other hand, if I have to Analyze if I'm depressed, maybe I'm really not. I have reasons to be: out of work for year & half, boyfriend died last year... etc. Am I just feeling sorry for myself?

I don't think I'm really "clinically" depressed, just enough to take the wind out of my sails.

And I KNOW there are many in world so much worse off than I am - which leads to... guilt for feeling this... which then leads to depression? And a reason to drink.

In a certain way, I'm rather proud of myself that I haven't gone Bonkers!!

So... then we get to the Reward part of the equation: I've "managed" so... I'm allowed to drink.

I know my thinking is really screwed up! What to do, what to do??

[Pan]

OK - I'm trying to decide...

You know the answer Savon19. Drinking will only increase your depressed mood. If you are just feeling sorry for yourself, drink will make you feel even worse.

I know it's hard not to think of a drink as a reward, but are you really wanting to reward yourself now, or just making up an excuse for you to have a drink without feeling guilty?

Don't let yourself down. Think of another reward you enjoy then reward yourself with that for not having a drink.

All the best, Pan.

[cacky]

OK - I'm trying to decide...

Savon..wow you have been through alot. No wonder you are feeling down. I dont know if it is depression or a normal reaction to life tragedies. do you go to counceling. panick is right drinking will only aggravate it

[dove]

OK - I'm trying to decide...

When I have questions like this I think like this:

If I truely were a really happy undepressed person do I think I would really need to figure out if I were depressed? If I'm thinking it, it's probably true.

Dove

[Joat]

OK - I'm trying to decide...

Hi there, new here and feeling REALLY awful after a binge drinking session last night.

Decided at 2AM this morning that this has got to stop.

So Savon, I am in the perfect state at the moment to remind you that it is just not worth it - sure, hangovers in itself is not enough motivation to scale down/quit but what alcohol does to the brain and body is definitely enough to scare me into drinking green tea everytime I get a craving for alcohol.

Joat

[nancy]

OK - I'm trying to decide...

It sounds like you have reason to be depressed. Don't feel guilty about that just because some people are worse off than you are.

I am not saying that so you can feel sorry for yourself, just that denying the truth isn't going to help you.

I think the problem here is that you still equate drinking with feeling better, that's still your main coping mechanism or soothing mechanism. But as we all know, it's just a temporary fix then things get worse.

So sure feel compassion for yourself, but then treat yourself like a friend, give yourself something that will really make you feel better, and that isn't gonna be alcohol.

I think we have to remember lots of people are struggling right now and if we can find ways to healthfully help ourselves, we can offer those solutions to other people around us who are struggling too.

[DeeBee]

OK - I'm trying to decide...

Hi Savon,

I think that you are handling this in a positive and constructive way by starting this thread and asking for help. What about going back to basics? Read the book MWO, get the supps, decide if you want to take the meds, get the Hypno CD's or join a meditation class.
I understand that finances are tight for you right now, but aren't there places (comminity centre, libuary, church) where you can go for free to meet new people and get face to face support?

Take care of yourself.

[Lavande]

OK - I'm trying to decide...

Looking back, my depression definately came first, then the drinking which only compounded the problem. I considered a bottle of wine to be my anxiety relief.
The best answer is to address the depression situation first. We all need some help now and then. I tried an antidepressant first but didn't like the side effects. I'm now taking herbal supplements and am feeling and thinking much better. I moderated my AL intake for a while and have now commited myself to be AF. Day 3 now for me and am very happy.
Bottom line, take care of yourself first, the rest will follow.

Best wishes.
Lavande

[savon19]

OK - I'm trying to decide...

All good advice, thoughts. Thanks, guys!

I see that it is really a crutch. Feel really wobbly trying to walk on my own...

[BecomingMeAtLast]

OK - I'm trying to decide...

Savvy,

If you're questioning depression then there is an issue, in my opinion. When I began drinking 30 years ago, drinking was fun! It helped me to escape my problems and become more socially available. Time changes that. Drinking, over time, adds to depression. There's a HUGE leap between "going bonkers" and being depressed. Huge. I'm on aprescription anti-depressant and am very grateful for the help. Doesn't take care of my issues with drinking, but it does allow me to think more clearly and, in a sense, I'm able to look at other areas of my life with more clarity.

As for rewarding yourself with AL, I have to ask this and it might be hard for you to read. I've read so many of your posts and truly feel for you with your ex-boyfriend and job situation, maybe more than I can put into words. But, my question is this...is this how your ex would like to see you? Would he want to see you "reward" yourself that way? Just a thought.

Take care,
Be

[savon19]

OK - I'm trying to decide...

Be - you're right about bf. In the year that I knew him, I think I saw him drink 3-4 beers (2 were the first night we met!). He "put up" with my drinking, but really didn't like it.

Heck, I don't even like being around a drunk - unless I'm drunk with them!!

[polaryzed]

OK - I'm trying to decide...

Hi Savon

It sounds more to me like you are bored rather than depressed. (Only going by some of your other threads and posts that is).

As the others said the more you drink, the more depressed you become. And the vicious circle yet revolves . . . around and around.

Are you still visiting Curves. Exercising is uplifting as you already realize.

Are you still writing, you have some very interesting and enlightening posts.

Do you journal? Journalling can be very theraputic as is MWO.

Be well sweetie . . .

[mitch96]

OK - I'm trying to decide...

us up in inthe highlands we use the drink to combat the depression its not the answer but we all stick together no matter what!!stay tight my friend and things will b alrighteeky:sometimes i feel like putting my arms up in the air!!!!!!!!!trust and stay strong my mate we will all sucumb at some stage

[someone_else]

OK - I'm trying to decide...

Lavande;582018 wrote: Looking back, my depression definately came first, then the drinking which only compounded the problem. I considered a bottle of wine to be my anxiety relief.
The best answer is to address the depression situation first. We all need some help now and then. I tried an antidepressant first but didn't like the side effects. I'm now taking herbal supplements and am feeling and thinking much better. I moderated my AL intake for a while and have now commited myself to be AF. Day 3 now for me and am very happy.
Bottom line, take care of yourself first, the rest will follow.

Best wishes.
Lavande

What herbal supplement do you take?