Hi from Australia

[Greg]

Hi, I live in Australia. I have read quite a few posts here over the past month or so but this is my first post. I am also a member of the separate Sinclair Method site and have already posted and read a lot there, and have found the members there to be very sincere and supportive. I'm just not quite convinced yet that the method is my best way out.

I'm a single 41 y.o. male who has been drinking heavily for 20 years, and my current intake is extremely high. I drink 24-25 units (19-20 "standard drinks") every night, and spend most of the next day sobering up. I can't hold down a job anymore and I'm destroying my health at a rapid rate. It's basically an obsessive-compulsive type of ritual for me now, but it began in my early 20's as an attempt to try to cope with deep shyness, and the loneliness and depression that occurred as a result of that shyness. I don't have any other mental health issues and don't have a problem with any substance apart from alcohol (I don't even smoke cigarettes). Alcohol is now a curse and is stopping me living a normal life or enjoying much in life, and the loneliness is only made worse by it. I have tried many ways of addressing this over the years, including numerous AA meetings, counselling, CBT, psychiatrists, numerous anti-depressants, several detoxifications, periods of abstinence, disulfiram (Antabuse), acamprosate calcium (Campral), naltrexone used in a non-Sinclair way, and occasionally low-dose cannabis as an emergency substitute/stabiliser while trying to remain sober and fight off desperate cravings. Please note that I don't promote the recreational use of illegal drugs and am not a regular user of them. I am now investigating baclofen aswell as gabapentin and other newer-generation anticonvulsant drugs, including topiramate, as possible new ways of beating alcoholism.

The results from my previous attempts have been mixed, but Campral did seem to help me feel a sense of stability and reduced craving for alcohol AFTER detoxification. I stupidly decided that Campral wasn't helping me much, but after a few days of discontinuing it, my emotional instability and cravings for alcohol greatly increased...so please don't dismiss it as quickly as I did. Cannabis helped as an immediate rescue from extreme craving and depression during and soon after detox, but again I'm not here to promote the use of an illegal substance, and I have personally seen very heavy use of cannabis induce tolerance to it and the reduction/elimination of any helpful effects in some of my friends (this does not seem to happen with controlled and sensible use). Naltrexone never helped apart from when I drank after taking it, which is why I have been interested in the Sinclair method of "pharmacological extinction", but it's blocking of the opioid/endorphin pleasure receptors of the brain has made me wary of trying it, as I am often dysphoric/depressed. I have also heard of the anti-nausea drug ondansetron being useful in the treatment of alcohol cravings after detox.

I may not log in here on a daily basis, so if anyone replies to this, please don't think I'm ignoring you if I don't reply straight away.

Best wishes to all,
Greg

[vlad]

Hi from Australia

:welcome:

Hi Greg and welcome.

You will find tons of support here - have you downloaded the book? I have included the link below:

Quit drinking today the easy way!

[polaryzed]

Hi from Australia

Welcome Greg,

As Vlad said a good idea is to read the book My Way Out, it is a good read.

May I ask if you are active in any sports, clubs, arts etc.?

Key comments that stuck out for me are that you mentioned shyness, obsessive-compulsive behavior and that you may not log in here daily - Sometimes We Need to Change Our Inner Clock.

I have only been here a short time (2+ mths) but I have found this forum to be extremely uplifting. There is so much diversity here at MWO.

Best of the best to you . . . God Bless!

[Delta Moon]

Hi from Australia

:nicemeeting:
Welcome, Greg! You have made a great decision coming here. This is a safe place to become the new sober you! We are all here to help you anytime.

[lostagain]

Hi from Australia

hi does anyone know if you can download the cd's on line also or do you have to order and wait for them to be posted...it seems too long to wait as i am anxious to start asap. any info greatly appreciated

[Rags]

Hi from Australia

Good Morning Greg,
I'm over the mountain from you on the coast. Used to be a frequent visitor to Bungonia in earlier days when I was young and fit!
Well, you've obviously done a lot of research, and tried lots of things, and know that drugs will only help dispel our cravings if we want them to, so I guess it really does come down to our thoughts and attitude. We are crazy animals.... we know we are destroying ourselves, know what to do (or not) yet continue along the path of self destruction!
I hope you'll be able to find MWO a helpful site. You will get a lot of support here.

[savon19]

Hi from Australia

Greg - I am really surprised I'm going to suggest this, but after your excellent, detailed post... have you thought of a rehab place? That way, you'd be around counselors and other people to get you over the initial hurdle.

Plus, you mentioned several times about being lonely. You'd certainly not be lonely in that situation! Maybe it would help bring you out of your shell, too.

I have never actually gone thru rehab, so I hope I'm not out of line by suggesting it.

You've tried so many other ways, it seems - what do you have to lose? (Unless you can't afford the time - but it sounds like you're not working.)

Good luck and welcome to this wonderful site!

[Pan]

Hi from Australia

Greg, welcome.

You speak of detox. Was that in hospital or a rehab centre over a period of months? A friend who sounded a lot like you are feeling went through rehab and came out a different person. She has not touched a drop of alcohol since. It was not an easy journey, but one she is glad she made.

Apart from that, it really does come down to attitude and willpower. You've tried the drugs. You said Campral worked. Why not go back onto the Campral after you have the required period without alcohol.

Please get rid of all alcohol out of the house. Do not buy any more. Go and buy a month's worth of groceries so you don't have to walk past the grocery bottle shop. Do it one day at a time. Tell yourself you can have a drink tomorrow, but NOT today. Have some alternative non-alcoholic drinks on hand that you really enjoy to take your mind off alcohol.

EXERCISE. Get out and walk when you feel like drinking. Sleep. Do anything to stop you taking that first drink. Get ONE DAY under your belt without drinking. JUST ONE DAY.

Keep posting on here and talk to us. We will help you get through it. Join in a thread. There is The Next Day Thread for Australian timezone and The Army, which is a very lively thread early in the morning or late afternoon/evening. There is also the ODAT thread and one that Savon19 has just begun which is the 4 Day Thread. Just lurk around any of the threads and read. Feel free to join in at any time in any or all that you feel comfortable.

Greg, I was drinking over 2 litres of wine a day when I joined this site. I had been for about 20 years. I didn't think I could stop. It wasn't easy, but I did it one day at a time. Now I am nearing 60 days alcohol free (AF). I didn't use drugs or supplements, but a lot of people on this site find them most useful.

[Seacailin]

Hi from Australia

Hello and Welcome Greg

I can relate to soooo much of your story. I have been through several detoxes, rehabs, even county jail, which scared me straight for about a year in a half. I have been on several antidepressants, antianxiety meds. I was on Marijuana maintenance for years. I have been to AA for years. I want Topa, but my Blood pressure runs low so my Doc want prescribe it. I can't take Antabuse because I am a Nurse and have frequent contact with alcohol prep pads. I have lost numerous jobs and have been on the brink of foreclosure twice. I have been on MWO since July and have drank less than I had in the past 5 years, but am still struggling. I am reading every book on the subject. Best wishes to you. Please keep us posted. I would love to know what is or is not working for you.

[Greg]

Hi from Australia

Thanks everyone...and sorry for very LONG post

Hi again, first of all I want to thank you all for replying. I was surprised as I didn't know if anyone would reply. It's great to know there are so many people willing to give support and advice.

I would like to answer your posts...sorry if there are some topics I haven't answered at the moment.

I haven't downloaded the book yet, but thanks for the link. I'm not currently active in any sports or clubs, but I have a lifelong interest in astronomy and would like to buy a good quality telescope and join an astronomy club. Since I only drink at night, it would seem a sensible substitute for my drinking and loneliness. I baulk at the cost of a good scope, yet "forget" how much money I continually waste on alcohol and big nights out! Thanks rags, it's good to hear from someone nearby. It is insane how we keep destroying ourselves by excessive drinking...for me this feels like almost being two people, one of which urges continued drinking and screams out for alcohol whenever I try to quit...sort of like a voice or emotional urge inside me demanding alcohol even though I'm fully aware of the consequences and the very real possibility than my drinking will kill me. That's totally irrational, emotionally-driven, compulsive thinking at work inside my mind...totally ignoring all logic and real-world facts. This part of me causes me to procrastinate and put off quitting, and make up stupid excuses to drink for "just one more night". While not an AA member, I've heard the well known AA slogan to do it one day at a time...in my case I seem to be DRINKING and putting off quitting one day at a time! I can't think of a thought process more insane than this in a person who has no actual psychotic disorder. If I damage any of my organs, including my brain, beyond repair then it will be too late to have another chance at life. Yet I continue to be compelled to drink alcohol.

I have often thought about inpatient rehab but am so terrified of it that I have never even taken one small step towards booking myself in. The idea of being "locked up" for 9 to 12 months, which is the usual period where I live, seems even worse than continuing to drink. The lack of privacy at night, with dormatory or shared-bedroom accommodation, is something I know I could never get used to. I know rehabs aren't jails, but they seem the closest thing to them. Every aspect of conventional alcohol therapy seems depressing and confronting to me, which doesn't help since I've been depressed and anxious (especially socially anxious) almost my whole life (even before I began drinking). My past detoxes have been outpatient only, supervised by a doctor and counsellor, but I did comply with them and didn't drink any alcohol. Yes I will give Campral another try, and am also interested in baclofen as it seems to work in a somewhat similar manner.

This is becoming a VERY long post so I'll stop for now; sorry I haven't answered all your suggestions. One thing I will say is that I only truly have faith in a couple of approaches after the detox period:
1) Night-time interests, activities, and sober social contacts as a substitute for drinking.
2) Low-dose marijuana as a temporary drug substitute for alcohol during extreme night cravings...again, I do not advocate illegal drug use, but it's the only thing that has ever worked quickly for me to convert extreme alcohol craving to a sense of emotinal calm.

One last thing...I don't expect or want sympathy, and I'm only writing to share the facts of my own experience of alcohol addiction. Sorry if this has sounded pathetic or self-indulgent. I know there are many people much worse off than myself.

Regards and best wishes,
Greg

[polaryzed]

Hi from Australia

Astronomy, good choice . . .

We Do Not find you pathetic or self-indulgent. Your simply another one of Us, who has a drinking problem and Wants Help . . . I for one think you found this forum for a reason . . ..

Within the content of your post you mentioned some very good advise for yourself.

Perhaps you could begin by starting over and seeing your doctor. You stated that you honored their advise, so wouldn't that be a good place to begin again. Then while your are thinking clearly you could go and buy that telescope and start following your passion.

You never know what you might learn from the Universe and the grander scheme of things. Please keep reading . . .

Yet another epiphany for me (thru MWO). Greg, you mentioned your interest in Astronomy and that brings me full circle to the realization that I own a telescope. My hubby purchased it for me a couple of years ago. Being the procrastinator I am, I have not followed through with this interest. Probably because of my interest in AL and letting it take charge of my consciousness. (Not Stupid Just Human).

So Thank YOU Greg, I just got the much needed Motivation to go do some research on Astronomy.

[Angelcakes]

Hi from Australia

Hey Gregster, I think you know what to do...I hope you can do it.
We're here to encourage/support you all the way!!

xo

[Rags]

Hi from Australia

Dera Greg,
Astronomy eh? I listened to a fantastic interview on ABC Classic FM on Monday from an astronomer. I actually want to hear it again. (Primarily to get some ideas for a zen garden I want to build) I assume it will become available by the end of the week. If you're interested in astronomy, this was an extremely interesting interview. SO take yourself into ABC on the link below and see what you can see.
Living in Goulburn you'll get fantastic views of the night sky. Is there a club there? There's one in Canberra, and one in Wollongong but I don't have details. You could get cheapy telescopes from Dick Smith. Paxtons and Fletcher Photographics also stock them, or try ebay/google. As you say, good way to not drink in the evenings. I am now saving about $100 a week from not drinking. How bloody good is that!!!


Mornings with Margaret Throsby

Monday 30
9.15am David Farr (audio not available)

10.05am Dr. Ragbir Bhathal (repeat)
Real Player | Windows Media | mp3 download
Lecturer in physics and astronomy at University of Western Sydney. > more

[aprilmoon]

Hi from Australia

:welcome: Greg!

The only advice I have for you is what I got when I was new here.....read and post. I have read so many post that sound like I could have written them. Knowing that there are others like me have helped me so much. Post how you are doing, even if it's not good, so that you can get words of wisdom from the very inspirational members here.

Best of luck to you. I bought my husband a telescope years ago. He loves it. He rarely uses it, but when he does he loves it. I suggest putting your AL money in a jar instead of buying AL and soon you will have enough money for a telescope. Sort of a gift to you from you for staying off the poison.

[Greg]

Hi from Australia

Sorry for not replying sooner

Thank you to all who replied to my posts. I'm sorry I haven't been around for a while but you would have no trouble figuring out why. I have been drinking very heavily recently and am scared to give sobriety another try due to the chronic depression and insomnia that have always accompanied my previous periods of sobriety. I do know that if I keep drinking I won't be around much longer to have those two problems to worry about. I will ask this community if anyone has experience in dealing with these issues once sober. Best wishes to all...and I haven't given up on my astronomy interest either, it's just that a good scope plus mount and eyepieces will cost many $k. Best wishes to all.