I can't believe I didn't remember

[formenow]

I am so ashamed. My daughters best girlfriend turned 16 today and she made a video for her. she showed me the video and it was wonderful but I do not remember my "part" in it.I I was talking and wishing her well and remember none of it.I am wondering how many parents will notice my sluriness to my voice. How can I not remember it at all? This is horrible. I feel like I will just go on until I am totally "caught" or hurt someone badly. How did I get here?

[Boss.man]

I can't believe I didn't remember

I'm afraid a lot of us know exactly how to get there. The key is to get up-and-out. There's a lot of support here for everything you need. But the key to success comes from the inside.

[Peanut]

I can't believe I didn't remember

I know the feeling. I think I have been so drunk in front of my kids and their friends, that I feel totally humiliated the next day. What must they tell their parents?!?!?!
You won't go on until you are caught or hurt somebody, because you know you don't like this feeling and know deep down that you want to stop. As Boss says, time to get up and out - move forward and leave those days behind. I know I am trying, and as long as we keep trying, all is not lost!!
Have you some AF time under your belt???
xoxo peanut

[Accountable for Me]

I can't believe I didn't remember

The shame of our behaviour is pretty hard to take. Most of us know... maybe in different forms than yours. But still the shame is all the same.

Please know that it is NEVER too late to change.

[aprilmoon]

I can't believe I didn't remember

You are not alone. I have had conversations (while drinking) and the next day or so have somebody say something about something in our conversation and I would have no clue.

I have watched TV shows that I couldn't wait to see and remember none of it.

I have had to explain to some people that I had taken a Benedryl the night before for the reason my words were slurred.

Thanks for reminding me of a few reasons I haven't touched the stuff in over 2 months.

You can do it too. It's just one day at a time and have the help of members on this website.

Chalk the video up as a learning lesson. All or most of us here have had situations like that happened to us. Use this as a reason to stay away from the stuff or learn to mod. Blacking out like that and not remembering can be a serious situation also. It scared me bad when it occurred over and over.

I wish you all the best!

[polaryzed]

I can't believe I didn't remember

My minute of fame . . .

Hi Formernow and everyone,

Yep, we have a video as well I am ascending the staircase to retire for the evening and saying goodnite to people in the kitchen, one can barely make out what i am saying. When I saw the video months later I . . . well let's just say Not Proud . . .

It's rather good to see that moment in my head so I can remember why I want to stop the insanity. Oh yaaaa . . .

God Bless you All . . .

[ronaldolover]

I can't believe I didn't remember

I too have had moments like that. I realized I needed to change when I could not remember what show I watched the night before, what conversations I had, who I had called, and the worst was having to ask my husband every morning what time I went to bed the night before. It is these moments that help push us to be AF....take it as a lesson and move forward knowing that you don't want to re-live that time....and be strong....we are here if you need us. :l

[decastille]

I can't believe I didn't remember

How many mornings have I woken up and check my cell phone and read the texts that I have send , or who I have called but can't remember what we talked about and why does my pillow have mascara???
I could only say "OMG I did it again!!!!! WHY??????

[brittzak]

I can't believe I didn't remember

OMG is right! I have done it far more times than i care to even try to remember.

[AstraiaJ.]

I can't believe I didn't remember

If I had a dime for every end of a movie that I don't remember ... my heart was sore reading your post and I wish I could take all of this away for you because I've been there!!! But the view from further up the road (at least my view) is that the shame fades away, and it is those kind of moments that helped to propel me toward staying AF. So in the end, those moments were valuable learning in their own way.

[bouchard01]

I can't believe I didn't remember

These are the times that we push through the pain and move forward to make the changes we need to make.

[Yogamomma]

I can't believe I didn't remember

Been there. Have had those kinds of things happen and wake up somewhat recalling them. Or, usually, recalling that SOMEthing un-good happened...not exactly the "what". Not willing to admit that "damn I was drunk last night", I'd go downstairs from the bedroom and try to put the pieces together (husband sleeping IN bed but WAY on the other side, son slept in clothes...unbathed because I was lazy, ALL the dishes in the sink because I was lazy, check caller ID on phone...did I talk to my mother?!!! yikes). That sinking feeling when the whole house was asleep except me and I'd have to live through my personal purgatory. Or perhaps it'd have been to someone outside the family who I couldn't call after my drunken sleep at 5 a.m....more waiting. SO many crummy decisions and missed FUN nights/events that turned out soured.

And you know what? I came to the point where I rationalized it to myself. "This'll ALL pass within a day or two." "Just plug on...make sure ALL the chores are done, make sure everyone's fed and happy...sweep it ALL under the rug and no one will know and they'll ALL remember the GOOD me". Like a costume I'd put on but the sad part was that what the costume was hiding was, at the time, more real than the costume itself.

Now I'm feeling like the real me that is underneath. Only on day #4 leading into day #5. No big slipups from drinking in the past couple of months but, regardless, I NEVER want those feelings mentioned above again. I LOVE liking me and what I do from eyes open in a.m. to eyes open in p.m.

With effort, determination and hard work..."this, too, shall pass".

[WannaBFree]

I can't believe I didn't remember

I remember a time when I told a friend of mine that I would be over at her house to have dinner/movie night at 4pm. It was about 2pm at this time, I left my house and decided to drop into a local pub ' just for one beer ', I woke up at my mates place the next morning and asked when I had arrived, she said " Erm 4am, you fell through the door Hmmmm". Good friends forgive thank god! That was just one of the many gaps in my drunken memories. I remember everything now!
Yoga momma I have ..."this, too, shall pass" as my welcome note on my mobile phone!

[formenow]

I can't believe I didn't remember

You all are so supportive. I have not been able to check back here and I am looking back to my post and it made me tearful to read all of your words of encouragement. SOmeone asked me if I have AF days. The answer is no. I did order Topoamax and started that but didn't have enough to keep going and didn't get my dose high enough to make any difference. I am still getting up the nerve to admit my problem to my MD. Just can't bring myself to do it.
We are all better than this "thing" which has gotten us. I just need to make a commitment to myself. I just have to.
So glad I found you all.
forme

[Rodeorose]

I can't believe I didn't remember

I felt like crying when I read this and all the comments. I never remember what I watched the night before, what I had for dinner, what conversations I've had, who I've talked to, going to bed. The worst was when I drove home 30 miles from my brothers house and don't remember a thing that happened at my brother's or the drive home....or getting home.......