How do know?

[green]

If you have a problem? Is there a list of questions that would help determine? I can give you a quick (or maybe not so quick) run down of my concerns and maybe someone can help direct me...

I have been drinking for over 30 years (I am 47 yr. old female). In high school I was always the "drinker" of my group (my friends were mostly potheads). The only time I have gone AF was during my pregnancies and two 40 days stints for Lent. I drink red or white wine daily and I don't count bottles because I buy big box wine. I would guess about five 6 oz. glasses a night (usually starting at 4:00 pm when I get home from work, but on weekends could be more like 6 or 7 or 8 ??? starting as early as 1:00 pm). Over the years I have had some embarrassing episodes (known only to close family) and I have put myself and family in dangerous situations by driving after drinking. For the most part now I keep my composure but have a few mornings I wake up and have to rethink conversations and try to piece together events. I am very functional during the day and my friends and most family would never believe I have a problem. I can drink socially and no one would guess I drink the way I drink at home. I have no problem abstaining when I have activities in the evening that entail not showing up tipsy but I do plan activities around whether I think I will want to drink at night (does that make sense?)

All this has come up because I have always needed to lose about 40 lbs. I don't seem to be able to lose it without giving up alcohol yet I dread having to give up wine and usually go back to drinking once the weekend arrives. I try to find plans that I can fit in my beloved wine but of course no plan allows for the amount I like to drink!!

The other problem that scares me is that drinking is what my husband and I "do". It's what we've always done on time off. I don't know if I'll be able to enjoy time with him without drinking (sounds bad, I know). I forsee being able to enjoy life without drinking but unless he's on board to stop drinking I don't know if I'll enjoy HIM! He thinks I'm dreaming things up when I say "we drink too much". He's really a great guy not "real" when drinking.

My kids love spending time with me and having friends over and have never mentioned my drinking. But they must notice that mom is always sipping on wine!

So that's it in a nutshell, I'm sure it's not the first time you've heard this story. And after writing it all out, of course, I have a problem. I guess my real question would be...how do you know if you can moderate or if you should just be AF? Thanks to anyone who can help, after reading through some threads I know you are a very helpful group!!

[tlrgs]

How do know?

:hello2::colorwelcome::wave::groupluv:

[PHOTOGIRL]

How do know?

:welcome: green! I'm sure from reading through some of the threads prior to posting your own one that the one thing that would have shouted out LOUD AND CLEAR is that - you ARE NOT ALONE!:l You're not the first or the last. It's almost exactly the same as mine - I'm 42, my drinking has been creeping up over the years and biting me on the backside becoming a daily part of my life. I, too, plan things around the bottle of chilled white in the fridge or bottle of red in the kitchen. My daughters' friends on sleepovers, thankfully, have not needed or wanted to go home in the middle of the night because there is absolutely NO WAY I could have driven them. I know there will have probably have been some Saturday mornings when taking my girls to tennis & swimming at 9.00 that I may have been over the limit - it's not bit and it's not clever - but I know I've done it and I feel crap about myself. But that's the evil of the chilled bottle of white or the bottle of red in the kitchen. So ... you've found us here and you're wanting help - and that's what you'll get - like it or not!!!!!! Post and read often - that's a great way of getting support - also, look into some of the supps you can get. I can personally speak for the TOPA which I've got from River Pharmacy. This does take the urge off and it's worked for me to help moderate my drinking. It's helped me in the past go from daily drinking to just drinking a few glasses on Friday, Sat & Sunday. It's taken away the clock-watching for a drink at 6.00 pm. I must warn you that you do get the side-effects which is why I threw a batch away (stupid of me 'cos they are SO expensive!) but after a few weeks of binging I knew it was time to get back on it so another batch of TOPA ordered and I'm on my 3rd day. Had a night out last night which was booked anyway and knew I'd have loads but am now determined stick to it. Anyway, my hangover was a schocker this morning so don't want to feel like that again! Good Luck, my dear, stick with us and I hope you find what you want from MWO.:hug::lxx

[polaryzed]

How do know?

Welcome Green . . . Hi PhotoG.

Welcome Green . . . :welcome:

PhotoG. says it all!

Journalling, hobbies and this forum MWO plus reading and threading have helped me immensely. I haven't tried the sup's yet still researching. plus I've only been here 2+ mth's).

Please make sure to visit here as much as you can, You will get an Abundance of Support and Inspiration from the wonderful people here at MWO. Keep reading and threading . . . :l

[bouchard01]

How do know?

I hear ya!!!

Hi Green ... Welcome. I really could have written your post, sounds "exactly" like my situation. Dh and I are on day 42, me with 2 slips and him with 1 ... So it can be done. Hope to see you around alot, lots of great support here. :welcome:

[stepintime]

How do know?

I posted a website on here.

Here it is again...

Addiction and Recovery.org - Relapse Prevention and Coping Skills

It will answer many of your problems.

[Doggygirl]

How do know?

Hi Green. Much of your story is exactly like mine. About 20 years ago I would lay awake some nights (after waking up from being in a "passed out" sleep) wondering if I was an alcoholic, and planning not to drink the next day, which never lasted past happy hour and often earlier. The last 10 years of my drinking career I KNEW I was an alcoholic or big problem drinker or whatever you want to call it. Addicted for sure, but to afraid to try to stop.

Looking back on it, I realize that the fact I was even questioning my drinking was a sure sign that it was a problem for me. My husband happens to be one of those "normal" drinkers who has the occassional beer, but doesn't think about alcohol and can take it or leave it. Trust me - he does not lay awake at night wondering if he has a drinking problem / is an alcoholic.

I wish I would have faced the facts much earlier in my life. But we can't turn back time. I started this journey on July 11 2007, then screwed up after 60 days, and struggled quite awhile to get my shit back together. I've been sober now since May 22, 2008 and don't plan on ever looking back.

Be strong,

DG

ETA: PS - once I finally quit the booze and got my hormones fixed, I was able to lose about 55 pounds.

[Peanut]

How do know?

Hi Green - like others say, we are just like you. I too am 47, have drank since high school, embarrassing episodes and unexplainable bruises, driven and picked my kids up after having drank too much (I feel so horrible about it, I cringe now) - and those awful saturday morning, 9am swimming lessons. Just sick!!!

I tell you , you won't lose the weight drinking a litre of wine a night. I've tried and tried. Lost 12lb last June going AF. It was like a miracle. Why I went back to drinking wine daily again, I'll never know.

Your kids do notice you always sipping on wine. Mine did, but I realized never realized the extent of it really, as when they were younger they were in bed usually. But my oldest, now 21, has become a wine drinker, and while she was home at Christmas, I noticed that she drank alot and was kinda sorta just like me. This worries me immensley, and I now talk to my kids openly about it alot more.

So stick around, make some decisions for yourself. The advise is always to try going AF for 30 days. Use the tools offered on this site, read the book, get the supplements and get a plan in place. It is not easy, in fact it is really hard, but if you want it and have determination, you can do whatever you set out to do. There is so much support here, everybody understands and whenever you need a hand, someone will be here for you. IT'S TRUE!!

xoxo peanut
AF day 4 for April

[PHOTOGIRL]

How do know?

Morning Green - How are You?!

Just checking your thread - do you get the gist of the support you've got and how we've all been there and got the tee-shirt?!?!:H Don't be afraid to take the first step. As you're worried that you and hubby are both drinking too much - why not make a cup of tea and sit him down in front of this web-site (or would he think that you're some kind of secret emailing junkie? :H) because then if he saw the community and you both embarked on it, it would be support for each other (search for petal's threads - her and her hubbie are doing it together). I guess it's just frightening taking that first decision/step - ie, AF or Moderate. As I said in my earlier post, I'm aiming at Modding my AL because I do like to have a drink and am aiming for 4 days AF and 3 days where I can just have 3 glasses. But, I've actually got some NAL on order because with that if you take it 1 hr before drinking it actually takes the "high" away from the drinking so that actually may be the magic pill I've been looking for. Keep us posted with what you decide to do and how you're coping :lxx

[Blue Sky]

How do know?

Hi Green

A month ago I could have written your post. You are not alone. I decided to go AF for 4 Days and then continued and am now on Day 28. WOW! I could bearly get through 1 night without my wine before. So what changed? I'm not doing any supps or vitamins, I simply read and read the posts here and realised enough was enough. 20 years of drinking almost nightly (except throughtout pregnancy) was taking a terrible toll on my body and the future looked bleak if I didn't change my ways. One thing that comes across clearly on this site is that it is a slippery slope from problem drinking to full blown alcoholism and the difference is very blurry. It hasn't been easy at times but I have had valuable time to reflect on my use of alcohol and to realise that it causes me more problems than it's worth.

So now I've lost some about 7 pounds in 28 days without doing anything different apart from not drinking wine which means I haven't snacked on crisps either. But I found I have eaten more chocolate than I would normally and still lost weight! But best of all is how I feel, lost that frazzled feelling and generally much more optimistic and calmer. Complexion better too, those bags under my eyes gone. Sleeping so well, a proper deep sleep in bed that refreshes me as opposed to passing out on the sofa.

So give it a go. Start with an achievable target like 4 days. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.

I'm now trying to work out if after 30 days I can moderate successfully. This to me means drinking within the recommended safe limits. Bear in mind that the UK safe limit for women is only 14 units a week (I was happily drinking that some nights). There are 12 units in a 75ml bottle of red!

Look forward to hearing how you are doing. This site is very supportive.

[PHOTOGIRL]

How do know?

Well done Blue Sky!!!!!!!

Hey - :goodjob: blue sky!!!!!! well done girl! You must have real will-power! Keep at it - you must feel so good about yourself and so proud of yourself. Can you bottle what you've got and sell it at 1/2 the price of what I'm buying the TOPA and NAL off River?!?!? :H:H:H Well done and keep at it - :l xxx

[green]

How do know?

Thank you all so much for your support. Yes, I realized soon after reading through some threads that this was a very supportive "been there, done that" group! That is why I was able to post what I did.

As for DH, I have voiced my concerns about his drinking (usually one of us has had too many by then) and he thinks it's hogwash. I realized that now I just need to set an example. I can't exactly ask him to quit or slow down if I don't. Last summer I asked him to go Low Carb with me which would mean giving up beer. He agreed but would have beer on weekends (and, boy, did he). He did a great job giving up the beer on weekdays, way better than I did giving up wine. But during the holidays we both blew it and have never recovered.

I am trying to decide how to go about this. I am ordering some Kudzu and am already taking LOTS of L-glutamine (mostly for the carb craving but this doesn't seem to make any difference because wine is my carb of choice and I have not even tried to give it up yet). I really hope I can become an occasional drinker i.e. out with friends, very special occasion w/ DH (that doesn't include just having the day off!!).

Went walking w/ DD20 yesterday and she brought up drinking (she'll be 21 soon). She brought up how Dad and I drink every day. Although she said she didn't think it was normal to drink every day, she said "but you only drink wine and you never seem different so I don't think you drink too much". This scares me that I have set a precedent for normality. Breaks my heart!

Thanks Stepintime for the website, I will check it out and see if it leads me in the right direction!

Doggygirl-I found your original thread "My New Story starts here" and am reading it still like a novel, can't wait to find out how it ends. Of course, I know how wonderfully it ends, but still fun. I have also found you over on LC Friends. I hang out there too!

Anyway, thanks again, everyone. I pray you will be hearing more from me! I will be praying for you all too!

[AstraiaJ.]

How do know?

Another former long-term daily wine drinker checking in, also in my forties. I joke to myself that I couldn't handle wine and perimenopause at the same time, but really it's no joke. You start to realize, as someone said, that you've got to stop before AL stops you. L-Glut has been a lifesaver for me as far as cravings go -- none at all (at least not physical ones) with the L-glut, once I actually quit -- the mental side I've slowly learned how to handle. Also Mr. AJ is a beer drinker, although not to excess. I had to learn how to ignore him buying a couple of beers and then keep going AF myself. Mostly by keeping VERY busy. Keep on keepin' on, everybody!!!