Starting..and Scared...

[Lioness36]

Starting..and Scared...

Good Luck Phill

:new:

I learned about this program a while back ordered all the stuff but never had the gumpshion to follow through. But my time has come as well this is just getting old.

I'm new too to the threads and soon to follow.

Best of luck

L.

[Doggygirl]

Starting..and Scared...

Hi Phil. It's good to hear from you! Good for you pouring it out. Glad that felt GOOD.

I'm glad to hear you like Startingover's suggestion about writing things down. It's a great idea - and great to carry those BAD experiences in your pocket so you can pull them out and read them whenever the urges strike.

I encourage you to write in GREAT detail about the lead up to your last drink at 7PM. How you got up at 10AM and how you felt physically, and also how alcohol was ON YOUR MIND all day long until you finally poured a drink. We really do become prisoners to this. I LOVE not having that ball and chain mentally with me at all times.

Yes, I choose to mentally re-live those bad experiences quite frequently. But it's MY choice - not AL taking over my brain and my life these days. I re-live them as a reminder why I never want to go back to Alcohol Jail (do not pass go do not collect $200)

YOU GO PHIL!!! :yougo: Hang in there - it's worth it.

DG

[tm3mech]

Starting..and Scared...

Hello everyone..and thanks.

I cant begin to tell you all how grateful I am tohave stumbled accross this site. I knew I wasnt the only person in the world with a drinking problem but it sure felt like it. I have been a drinker for a long time but I thought I hid it. I drank to self medicate my depression, stress, to excape my anxieties-plain irrational fears, to be the life of the party...I would drink simply b/c it was a Teusday! I was sober for just over two years and for some reason I thoguht I was in so much control that I could handle having a few now and then. Then before I knew it my life was imploding. All due to my drinking. My wife at the time saw it but didnt say anything hoping I'd catch myself. Since then I have repeatedly tried to quit drinking completely. I'd go 3 months then fall off, go three more,etc. I always tried cold turkey but then I tried a medication. I did well but I would try to use it more to control my drinking rather then as a tool to help me quit. I saw so much in these various posts that was/is me. The skin issues, liver pain, sweats. I thought since I had myself convinced I was just a binge drinker I resisted going to AA meetings or anything organized like that for support. But I could barely work b/c all I could do was fight my cravings all day. My head was foggy all the time, memory sucked. I longed for a night where I didnt drink myself to sleep and then suffer thru the next day just to do it again. But PHIL in HK and "Startingover" posts have basically described my struggle. I used to say to myself that I was settling for an existince because I was to afraid to face my life and live it. I have four beautiful daughters and every time I try its with them in mind. So I'm back on the wagon giving it my all. Again. But this time I have found that prayer goes a long way too.

[Guest]

Starting..and Scared...

Hi Phil and welcome. DON"T WAIT! I am in the middle of my husband divorcing me, he gave me lots of messages, I just did not pay attention. Please pay attention, now! Best of luck to you :happyheart:

[Peanut]

Starting..and Scared...

tm3mech - welcome to you!!! My advise is to copy your post into a new thread so everybody can see that you are new here and you will get a ton of responses and support. The fact that you are here means you are heading in the right direction. We're here to support you.
xoxo peanut

[PHOTOGIRL]

Starting..and Scared...

Hi tm3mech!!!

:welcome: Your reasons for drinking are the same as all the rest of us and I think deep down, if we're brutally honest with ourselves, it's because there's perhaps something that we're not 100% happy with ourselves. Me, I felt I was a more social bunny at parties, a more confident girlie in a group of girlfriends, more confident in bed (aggh?!? can I believe I said that?!?!?), a better Mummy because I was bored by the end of the day - NOW can I believe I said that? So, after such a long time I know I've got to change. I found this www at the beginning of the year and am so glad I did. Am eventually getting my head around the fact that I definitely have to go AF 4 days a week and then be a mod F,S,Sunday girl. Am on the TOPA and sticking with that. Have some NAL ordered and can't wait. Can't wait to take a pill and then have 1 drink and really not be bothered about having another - heaven! Anyhow,tm3mech, stick around, read and post how you're doing and how you're feeling and I'm sure you'll get a lot of help. Take care! :lxx

[PHOTOGIRL]

Starting..and Scared...

Evening Phil! Am going for AF day 1 too!

Just wondering how your first day's gone? Did you go by OHAT? (or did you resolve to OMAT or maybe OSAT?!?!). Hadn't realised you weren't part of the ex-pat lifestyle - at least that's a blessing in a way, none of the pressure of the business boozy lunches et all! Know EXACTLY what you mean about the bottle in the other room though. Christ alive! I'm ashamed to say that I've been making sure I've been topping up a small container on a daily basis from a vodka bottle in my dining room during the afternoon, hiding it in the kitchen and then at least knowing that I've got that "supply" that I could add to a cranberry juice or coke or something during the girls homework or teatime. Then if hubby was coming home and wanting some wine I knew I'd have 1/2 a bottle and that was on top of at least 3 double vodkas. So, I know exactly where you're coming from there my friend. Anyhow, today's a new day. Here in the UK it's 10.30, 1st day of my girls' Easter Hols, on my 6th day of TOPA and when I got on the scales and realised I've put on 1/2 stone in the last month through purely booze - am totally disgusted with myself :nutso: so - first day of change for both of us eh?! Hope it's been a good one for you. Let us know!!!!

[Phil in HK]

Starting..and Scared...

AF Day 1..

Well, it's now coming up to 10 at night on AF day 1 and I am hopeful that I can start a new thread soon which is something along the lines of AF Day 3 or something. It is a struggle, and that little voice asked me a little while ago where's the drink? It's asking strongly, but I am ignoring it and planning to get an early night so at least I don't succumb to the voice. Though it's hard to give in when there is no alcohol in the house and I'm darned if I am going to go out late at night!

Definitely starting to feel it though, sweaty, 'out of sorts' feelings and I'm definitely irritable and not feeling right..but I'll take those as positive signs of change, sort of no pain no gain..I honestly am worried about how bad it will get, but I keep telling myself I won't give up..each hour is a victory.

At the good suggestion of others, I spent an hour writing down in great detail all the things I hated about drinking and what it did to me, the way I behaved, acted..that in a way was quite sobering to read afterwards. Not so ashamed of it but more just angry at myself that I let something take over my life for years. I tried to write down why I actually liked drinking as well (to give a balance to it) and you know, I couldn't think of one half-way decent reason why I like drinking anymore..I used to..but now that column is empty.

I can also say I found a few more (thankfully) empty bottles in my place which was worrying, since I didn't remember I had 'hidden' them there (pity I didn't hide any money in my drunken states). Though I know where the money went...too many hazy afternoons, or lunchtimes or evenings when I needed bottles and I withdrew a lot of money (much more than I needed) and just thought 'who cares'...now I do care. Hiding empty bottles, sigh, who was I fooling?

Am going to battle on tonight!

Photogirl, Hope your day is going well and you are holding up ok and spending some good time with your girls...Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

[ronaldolover]

Starting..and Scared...

Startingover - I noticed that you metioned you are taking kudzu and l-glute for the cravings. I just started both of them this weekend. Do they really make a difference? How long did it take to start working? I think I am hoping for some magic to happen....but I am sure it won't.

[startingover]

Starting..and Scared...

Hey Phil, You can do this buddy!!!
One excellent piece of advice I received was to treat the withdrawals like the flu. Thats what they felt like to me...so mild painkillers, hot drinks, water, rest and lots of TLC and KNOW that they will pass. So will any irritabilithy and anxiety.

[startingover]

Starting..and Scared...

Hi Ronaldolover, yes, I take both those things. Honestly that have helped me SO much. One example is that I stopped them about a month ago...last weekend I had the most horrendous cravings again...I started them up once again and I havent had a craving since....
Now I am only taking a very small dose, I will continue on for a while and stop again later. But I know that if I crave, I can take them and all will be well once again.

[ronaldolover]

Starting..and Scared...

Thanks startingover! Hopefully the supps will help me as much as they helped you!

[Sage]

Starting..and Scared...

Phil, upon reading your original post, I will tell you that I was in the EXACT same situation last week. It sounds like I drank about the same, pulled the same secretive stunts, and had the same fears. The irony in all that was that I forced my self to quit for a day, and NOTHING really happened, except a little exhaustion. I think a big part of it is to make sure you are substituting the alcohol with nutrients IMMEDIATELY and you can fend off some of the effect. Today, I feel NORMAL.

For you and ronaldolover, I feared quitting because I would immediately suffer the effects of hypoglycemia. I might have it to some extent anyway, but it is surely magnified when your body comes to rely on the sugar concentrations in the alcohol. When your body is used to the sugar spikes, your liver stops producing glucose, and your pancreas is constantly producing insulin to compensate overshooting the mark and putting you in a state of low blood sugar. When I was taking the l-glut at first, I felt immediate cessation of the many ill feelings that I knew were the onset of withdrawal. L-glut may very well be the MOST important thing you can take aside from drinking lots of fluids. And you want to make sure you're getting your protein, see eat well and frequently.

I had 1.5 drinks over the weekend, so I choose not to count them as slip-ups. So, after drinking at least 1 pint of vodka everyday for a year, I am now on Day 5 and I see there was really nothing to fear. The hard part is to not drink when the compulsion comes as a result of stress, boredom, etc.

Good luck everybody. More and more I realize that we have been demonstrating so many similar behaviors. It is definitely good to see that it IS the alcohol, not just me.

[PHOTOGIRL]

Starting..and Scared...

Go Phil, Go Phil!

Well Done:wd::yay: How's it feeling waking up? A bit surreal? Here in the UK it's only 6.45pm so I'm still in the witching hour and what makes matters worse is that blinking hubbie is out still on a boozy business lunch (taking it easy I ask you!) AND, daughters away at my in-laws AND there is still 1/2 a bottle of chilled white wine in the fridge left from yesterday ..... still - am SO going to try and be strong and not have anything - hey wait a minute ............. do you know what? I'VE JUST POURED THAT 1/2 A BOTTLE DOWN THE SINK!!!!! OMG - that's the first time in my 42 years that I've ever done that! It was when I was typing "am SO going to try and be strong ..." that I thought "wait a minute - you're a 42 year old intellegent woman, FFS, and that is a bottle of wine - go figure!!!! :yougo: I look forward to you starting a thread on AF for 3 days!!!!!!

[Lioness36]

Starting..and Scared...

keep it going phil in HK