Angry at my therapist

[finallymadeit2]

So, here I am...... just starting out. I read MWO and have started Topamax about 1 1/2 weeks ago. My doctor has me increasing my dose slowly, and I am currently on 50 mg. I already feel a difference! Since getting up to 50 mg, I have not had more than 2 drinks. Some nights, I can't even finish my second glass of wine.

I am annoyed with my therapist though. I started seeing her to deal with my anxiety, depression, and alcoholism. All she could focus on was getting me to attend AA meetings. (She is a 24 year AA veteran.) I don't want to go to AA meetings. I asked what my options were and she said AA or check myself into rehab. Now, just to give everyone some background, I am/was a 2-4 drink per day drinker. Sometimes more, particularly on the weekends. Anytime I wanted to focus on a problem other than my drinking, she always brought it back to "how has your drinking been going this week?" She is not a believer in treating addiction with drugs. So, I stopped seeing her. It annoys me that some people do not believe modern medicine can help those with addictions. She told me I would never be "whole" without going through the 12 steps of an AA program. I felt really brave that I was even discussing this problem with her and then with my physician who prescribed me the topamax. So now, I am strictly under the care of my physician.

I feel like I need a new therapist, but I am scared that I will be pressured again to go to AA. I am not against AA. I know it helps many people. I have researched it, and I just don't think it is for me. I don't know if I want to fully abstain from alcohol or moderate at this point. I also don't feel comfortable admitting my problems to a room full of strangers. I don't want to rely on attending daily/weekly/monthly meetings. I don't want to "shop around" for the group I "click" with. I like the MYO approach.... just wish I could find a therapist who was familiar with it and could be supportive of my goals through options other than AA. Anyone have any ideas how I might go about finding a therapist who is MWO friendly?????

[Boss.man]

Angry at my therapist

Get a new therapist. AA is not for everyone. There are other valid approaches. If your therapist doesn't appreciate that, you'll need to find another.

[nancy]

Angry at my therapist

Hi there

I know exactly how you feel. Who knows, your therapist might have had a problem herself and went through that brainwashing that AA is the only way. But are you sure that you only have 2-4 drinks a day? How big are they? I am just wondering if something more damaging is going on.

Even if there is you need to find another therapist. some only know the dogmatic approach. I think you are unlikely to find people who know about MWO but you might want to look up counselors friendly to harm reduction in your area. That's essentially what you are doing with MWO and that is a better-known term.

On the topic of meds? Lots of dogma there against it because of AA . Interesting that it's accepted for nicotine addiction. I think it has a real place for those with serious problems. But again, I guess I am wondering why you are taking meds for 2-4 drinks a day. Unless the four are big wine glasses. I suppose four wine glasses equals a bottle of wine which is a problem. But probably not enough to make you black out?

Just speaking from my own experience, I don't think most therapists know a lot about the physical aspects of alcoholism, the nutritional aspects or the effect on brain chemistry and how pharmaceuticals could be used. So just get one that is open-minded and tell them up front in a phone interview that you are not willing to go to AA and you want a counselor who is open to your self-help approaches. Personally, I just use therapy to work on the depression and other emotional issues that I feel cause drinking.

Also, in case you didn't know, there are other face-to-face options that do not carry the AA dogma but I think they all require abstinence:

Women for Sobriety
SMART
Lifering (I think this involves meetings but is secular)

You can ask for options that don't involve standing up and saying you are an alcoholic. But I should also add that some of our members who resisted AA are now going and ignoring the higher power stuff and finding the accountability is really great. Check out the monthly abstinence posts to see how they get around what you don't like if you decide to give AA a chance.

[PHOTOGIRL]

Angry at my therapist

Hi finallymadeit2!!

First of all, are you talking about 2-4 UNITS or 2-4 LARGE GLASSES of wine a day (which could, of course, equate to up to a bottle of wine) and, at the end of the day, if you feel that a) you've got a problem and b) you need to address that problem then you and only you are the best person to decide that and :goodjob: and :welcome: for doing that!!!!

What I'm afraid for you is that maybe because you may be in a vulnerable place (I, too, have been diagnosed as a depressive and am on daily medication for this and will probably remain on them for life) and that the therapist you've got is pushing you down the AA route unnecessarily. I agree with Nancy in that your therapist is probably pro-AA and to her that is the one and only way of dealing with your "problem". From what you will have gathered though from looking through this MWO site is that there is a varied approach to people's problems because at the end of the day, each and every person is an individual. AA isn't right for everybody - it certainly wouldn't be for me - can you imagine - people in your local area, bumping into you in the supermarket, KNOWING you stand up every week and saying "my name is ... and I'm an aloholic" - NO THANK YOU! :H No, I'd much rather deal with it in private and amongst like minded friends here on MWO site:l.

As for meds - well, for me the TOPA works too. That's the thing about therapists too, all they want to do is talk, talk, talk. I'm not saying that all that talking is bad - god, I've had that for my depression and it was great but, as for my depression, sometimes your brain needs a chemical re-balance that you can only get from medication and that's what I've found from the TOPA and cravings. Yes, it may not help everybody but as you say it's helped you - stick with it and find another therapist - maybe one just for depression - that maybe the route of your problem :goodluck:

Oh and PS, at 2-4 drinks a day - there is NO WAY you need to waste your money on rehab for gods sake !!!!! (does your therapist have a stake in rehab unit as a matter of interest?!?!?!:H) You have got it under control with the TOPA, don't let your therapist make you feel you've got a bigger problem than you have xxxxx

[Eve11]

Angry at my therapist

Finally,
The sad part is it sounds like the therapist just isn't educated enough to know that there are other programs out there for people who need help other than A.A.

I think a lot of people continue to drink harmfully because they can't stand the thought of A.A. or aren't emotionally ready at all to embrace the idea of one day at a time...all they can focus on is "I can never have a drink again!!" and so they do nothing to help themselves.

This program at MWO is a Godsend. It's an alternative to A.A. and it gives hope in different ways to folks. As people come here, read posts and learn from others they'll eventually find their way whether it's being able to moderate or going AF but they will find their way.

Personally, I'd send info to the therapist on MWO and the other great places Nancy shared so that she's a little better educated and can do a better job helping the next person with a similar situation.
Eve11

[Rags]

Angry at my therapist

I'm with the others. You don't need more stressors at this time. Find another ttherapist, or can your doctor recommend someone.

[aprilmoon]

Angry at my therapist

I know AA isn't for me. To think that a "DR" would say it's AA or admit yourself is crazy in my opinion. Of course, I'm not a doctor, but it's crazy in my opinion. Maybe he/she needs to seek counseling.

[Evie.Lou]

Angry at my therapist

I think your therapist needs some training and to learn how to live in the REAL world ??? That is bad advise if I ever heard it but I think that many therapists have no other ways to know how to deal with it. I would look for an addiction specialist. I know here in Florida we have Sinclair method clinics...in Sarasota and Miami. I am sure if you goggle addiction you can find someone more knowledgeable in your area. Don't give up until you find one !!! GOOD LUCK TO YOU !!!

[Providence]

Angry at my therapist

Fine,

I went to rehab (which was AA based), then out pat care (which was based on AA), then I went to a meetings everday and twice some days and I relapsed.

It's not the whole program that bothers me. I like the people. I don't even care that I have to say I'm an alcoholic.

What bothers me is that I don't need to always remind me and others that I'm messed up, did mess up and I must confess (because they know that). Where is forgiveness in AA? Unless I go admit my deepest sins then I don't get it?

I've read the big book over and over again, I white knuckled it when I got home. I read all the "thoughts for the day" "24" hours etc.

Also the higher power thing tosses me off. I not that I don't think there is one, I'm just not sure where it's in my life.

Again, not a bad program for support. The answer for me was

1. MWO
2. SMARTRECOVERY.ORG - and I go to the meetings.
3. My therapist is a member of AA, but she doesn't push me down that path.
4. Books, I've got everyone from everyplan I should start a library.


I still fall and I get up each time, brush myself and try again.

Find a new therapist and maybe once you work on you (really whats in there), the support program you choose might be more open.

[finallymadeit2]

Angry at my therapist

Thanks for all your responses so far. I apologize for not being more specific in my original post. Actually.... it was my 2nd attempt at posting since my first post didn't go through for some reason, so I left some things out in attempt to rush through a second draft. When I say 2- 4 drinks, yes, 2- 4 LARGE glasses of wine, often finishing the bottle. Or a bottle of gin a week. Or too many beers to count. Or a mixture of the 3. I tried switching things up for awhile thinking I would drink less..... yeah, right! Well, at least I have been tapering down in the past week. I am not getting bombed 2-3 times per week. I have not had a hangover since starting Topamax. :yay: I will be on the hunt for a new therapist.

My doctor has me on 50 mg until I go back to see her in about 3 weeks. I would like to increase my dose sooner. Maybe I'll give her a call and see if she can call my pharmacy to increase my script sooner.

I am enjoying this forum so far. Thanks for all the support! :thanks: Would love to go on and on right now, but it's time for me to go to bed. Good night all!