Hopeful but scared

[boobie]

Hi!
I just found MWO - read it cover to cover last night while enjoying a few microbrews until . I chewed every nail off while reading and sipping. I have been praying for help and then this book landed in my lap. After reading it I feel really hopeful but also scared.

Here's my story... I am 40, female, married, and live in the mountains in beautiful Montana. I am having difficulty writing this but here goes... I drink with friends but drink more alone at night while my husband is sound asleep. I can drink for hours. I don't stop until I usually pass out. I can drink a bottle or two of red wine or vodka but I definately get too messed up on the vodka so I avoid it unless Im out of wine. I end up physically feeling like crap and emotionally feeling like a total looser the next day. I can barely get any work done, don't exercise, lay around, and eat crap hoping it will make me feel better soaking up all that alcohol. This happens about 3 times a week, sometimes 4. I usually go1 or 2 days with little to no alcohol in between.

My husband doesn't think I have a problem with alcohol he just thinks I like it more than him and that I go to bed around the same time as he does.

I have been trying to loose 30 pounds for 3 years but can't stay on any diets because more than 1/2 my calories come from alcohol. I can't exercise because my head is pounding, I'm nautious, and I have zero energy or desire. I used to be quite attractive physically and loved to laugh so I had lots of friends. Now I would rather stay at home and drink in my sweats. Pretty picture. Makes me wonder why my husband loves me at all. What a miserable existence this is.

I have never wanted to give up alcohol and was always fighting that option until about 10 days ago... I woke up sick AGAIN and was furious with myself. I yelled and screamed and knew that I was ready. Each day since then I know that I want to stop the binge drinking. I want to be normal and be able to sip wine with friends but leave it when I'm satisfied. I want to be able to sleep without needing alcohol. I want to be able to be active again and eat healthy.

Last night reading MWO I realized I can have everything I want... I can loose weight from not drinking 1000's of calories a week of alcohol, I can use the hypno tapes to cure my insomnia instead of using alcohol, and I can drink socially without it turning into a binge.

I'm very hopeful, a little scared, but much more hopeful. I have ordered everything today. Hopefully I'll have it all in my hands next week.

If anyone out there has helpful stories or just want to say Hi that would be great. I've never opened up like this and could use a friend.

Thank you!

[startingover]

Hopeful but scared

Hi Boobie, huge welcome to you!
Firstly, well done for opening up about your problem. Thats a huge first step you know.
Regarding the way you feel about yourself, that could have been me until I found this place 9 months ago.
I have totally changed and so has my life now that I am sober. It has taken lots of effort and determination, but the results have been SO very worth it.
I can cope with life now, I am proud of my achievements.
You will feel good too. Use all the tools and support thats available to you here. And mostly, enjoy your journey to sobriety.

[Yogamomma]

Hopeful but scared

Boobie hello and welcome!

Sounds like you've made the first step about educating yourself and becoming familiar with MWO...I'll tell you that it's really helped me. Always here whenever you want it. Tons to read.

Be strong and shoot for, as they say, "one day at a time" AF. Each day (or even HALF a day) will feel like such a success and you'll start to crave those successes. You can do it! Look forward to seeing your presence here often!

:welcome:

[Providence]

Hopeful but scared

Hi Boobie,

You can read my story at https://www.mywayout.org/community/f8...tle-31296.html

Just like you I do (and sometimes don't) my best drinking in the witching hours of 11pm to 4am. I knew I had to get help when I did that for months at a time. Sometimes going to work still buzzed or drunk, then I just said who cares and started drinking as soon as I got off work until the wee hours of the morning.

Once I start in I don't stop until it's all gone.

I done it all, but so far this is the best place I've found and with TONS of great advice and support. It doesn't matter if you are AF or doing Mods, if you hit a pothole and end back up in the bottle, everyone here understands and roots for you to make it work for you.

It's just not about MWO it's about Sinclair, alternative methods, AA, SMART, anabuse, diet, supplements and just plain old love and will power.

WELCOME to the onsite that I swear changed my life and my outlook. I will beat this monster to death and out of my life!!!

[Peanut]

Hopeful but scared

Welcome Boobie.

I also am (was?) a night drinker! One weekends, I'd stay up until 3-4am, plastered! And week night, 1:30 am was so common a bed time for me in order to get the litre of wine drank, considering i rarely would start drinking until 10:30 or later. I am constantly trying to lose weight too, but can't because of the wine. I exercise alot, and have a big race in the summer, and I know that it is hard to get the energy to get out for those runs, workouts, swims, when your tired and feeling poorly.

So, if you want to lose the weight and get back into exercise, I have found the only way is to stop the madness. I lost 12lb in a month by not drinking (well, I did follow a pretty good diet and exercised alot - but I did that before while drinking daily, and never lost a pound!). On day 8 today, and am already down 4-5 lb.

The program is great and this site is one of the best things about it. You are never alone and there is always someone here to prop you up and give you encouragement. Some people follow the program to a tee, and have great results, some go cold turkey and some are using other kinds of help (I am now seeing a homeopath for help). But the forum is for everybody, whether you choose to go completely AF or moderate. I would suggest you try the whole program first and see what works for you.

Best to you!!
xoxo peanut

[boobie]

Hopeful but scared

WOW! You have all helped me a ton already today. I never expected to receive such an immediate response. Thank you all!

I thought I was the only one who drank alone and until all hours of the night hiding it from everyone. Sounds horrible but it feels better knowing I'm not alone.

Even though I stayed up late last night reading and drinking and even though I've ordered all the sup's and cd's I am wondering how I am going to get thru until it all arrives? I am already thinking about a run to the store for some wine. When I'm in the mood to drink but I don't drink I sit around all night thinking about it and I can't relax.

One quesiton... Boobie is my husbands nickname for me pronounced Buhby... heard it in a movie. Is this name changeable? I'm not sure it's really me on this forum.

Once again...THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!

[shelley1]

Hopeful but scared

Hi everything you have said was me a month ago...was just like reading my own story just like many others have said..and like you i just fell upon this site, but i can honstely say without it i would be still where i was..you have found your way here for a reason..i like you drank alone, was and still is i think!!lol attratctive like you..and have gained weight like you, and have drank every night for last four years wine and vodka till i passed out, mainly when my fella was in bed!! the amount of mornings i have crept to bed with the birds singing so he wouldnt notice..well i wouldnt like to count, till the day i`d had enough and i realised there had to be more to life than this??..i stopped drinking for a month and with support on here from all these lovely people i did it and today i am a different person..in control losing weight without trying...and who likes herself most importantly! it so easy for the bad habit to become everything and you have found the right place...no one will judge you here..you are among friends good luck with what u decide to do..if you want to message me feel free any time x the main thing i got from this site is realizing you are not alone.

[MamaZum]

Hopeful but scared

:welcome:Hello Boobie!

I just joined today and can relate. Almost same story as yours.

Zum

[mica]

Hopeful but scared

Hey, Montana!

Hi, there! Welcome! I'm very glad you found this site, and I know it will help you, as it has helped me. I am not a late night kind of girl, but the rest of what you wrote sounded very familiar. This is the place to be, for both of us. Good luck.

[boobie]

Hopeful but scared

Shelly1 response

Hello!
WOW again. That's my third or fourth WOW today. Your story is so similar and now I want to achieve what you have. Knowing that someone out there achieved it makes me feel so GOOD!

Being able to come to these forums and read or write or share is surprisingly helpful. I'm finding out a lot today and it's bringing me a lot of comfort.:l

[Lavande]

Hopeful but scared

Welcome Boobie,
You can put your fears to rest, you will find comfort and many friends here
Be sure to check in often for there is always some inspiration to be found. Reading and posting makes it real for you.
Make your commitment then stick to it - no matter what. You will be happy, I promise.
All the best,
Lavande

[Blue Sky]

Hopeful but scared

Boobie

You are not alone and it sounds like you are ready to beging your own journey. The mental attitude is so important. You are in the right place here, there is lots of support as you are already seeing.

Enough is enough. That's where I started. All you have to do in not drink today. That's it! (Repeat tomorrow!) One Day at A Time! Yes it's tough, especially at the beginning but it is worth it. You will get your self esteem and pride back day by day. You will start feeling better and life will become easier. The stressed out feeling will ease and you will look better. And that weight will come off.

Good luck!

[Yogamomma]

Hopeful but scared

...hey on your "Buhbie" comment, I know exactly what you're referring to re: the pronunciation. I'm sure there's a place you can change your name but you know the beauty of it?...and also why no one's replied to that part of your post, probably? NO ONE cares or judges you in any aspect. We accept you JUST as you come here for all reasons and that's a beaUtiful thing, no?

You sound more upbeat and am glad you found that upturn here.

[MissMerlot]

Hopeful but scared

Welcome Boobie

Yogamomma's is soooo right in her post.No-one here cares what your name is,we're just glad you're here.
ODAT...really is the key.Just don't buy the drink and it'l be impossible to drink it!
I've drank wine almost every night in the last 5yrs but have been af for 7days due to this site and everyone's support.
Stay On Board,,,,,
We're all in the same boat!!!!

:welcome:

annie
x

[Barola]

Hopeful but scared

I'm day 23 AF after drinking every day for 25 years ..... and if I can do it, so can you.
Like Blue Sky said.
Don't drink today ..... and then repeat.
I found it really helped me to identify the triggers and associated wine drinking activities, and then try and substitute a different, but fun activity. It's hard, but possible. This forum is full of people doing it day by day. If the supplements have not yet arrived - go to your local health food store and you'll find L- Glutamine, Kudzu and L-Tryptophan there probably. It helped when I was waiting for the program to arrive.