Hopeful but scared

[meowmix]

Hopeful but scared

Getting ready to start - scared but hopeful

I am getting ready to start the program. I see my doctor next week to discuss the use of the Topamax. I don't like taking meds and am a bit worried about potential side effects. I am also scared of withdrawl - I quit drinking for 4 weeks back in October and it wasn't too bad - the first week really sucked though. Any suggestions on what to expect and how to cope with those first few days?

BTW - I drink every day - usually about 2-4 glasses of wine. Really looking forward to enjoying a glass of wine with dinner instead of needing one the minute I walk in the door. :new:

[boobie]

Hopeful but scared

Welcome Meowmix!
I started last week. The posts really helped me get thru my first few days. I still drank most days but I drank so much less than usual. I haven't had a hangover in 6 days. I have been AF since Saturday. I love the wine just like you. Five or six bottles a week... sometimes more. I haven't had any wine since I started. The people here are wonderful and you may find that the posts help you get thru each day.

I have been following Ceprise's 1-hour rule - which is he doesn't have a drink for the first hour he's home. It really works and gets your mind thinking about other things. Before I know it I'm not thinking about wine anymore. I started to reach for the vodka last night - just one I told myself. I stopped and decided to wait 1 hour. If i still wanted it I would have it. The hour passed and I had forgotten about it.

I am not yet on the Topo and just received the supplements today so I'll keep you posted about wether they helped or not.

I'm glad your here! Keep posting!

[boobie]

Hopeful but scared

My husband opened my box - the cats out of the bag.

Hi everyone.

My box of supplements and the hypno cd's arrived today along with some boxes of things my husband ordered. He opened it. UGH.

At first I just said they were some supplements. I thought he bought my baby fib but he didn't. So we had a quick little sit down chat. I wasn't ready to tell him but didn't have much of a choice.

I explained that I felt that I was drinking too much and needed a little help. I didn't tell him how much I have been drinking or that I hide it from him. He said he drinks with me but doesn't crave it like I do and could easily go without or with a lot less. He'd love it if we both reduced our intake considerably.

That was it. We hugged. He went back to work. Whew. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Someday I might tell him the whole truth about how bad it had gotten but I'm happy with this little chat for now.

So today is my 6th day of awakening without a hangover. Feels really good. No drinks since Saturday night. I'm already thinking about a drink for later but I'm hoping that will pass.

[mica]

Hopeful but scared

Hi, Boobie,
It's hard to be totally honest with our guys, isn't it? My husband enjoys a glass or two of scotch, but could totally take it or leave it, just like your guy. I often feel like I've let him down when he says, "Hey, how about a small drink?" and then he has a small drink, and I finish the bottle. He knows that I'm am really trying to moderate, and he is behind me 100%. He even puts up with the "Sleep" cd all night long.

Keep up the good work. I'm back on Day 2, today, but to be honest have fantasized about going up to the lake cabin by myself to NOT moderate. I won't do that, but I have thought about it. Day by day, one baby step at a time.

I can't believe how much having this site helps. Knowing that all of you out there understand, really is the thing that I think will help me succeed this time, finally and for good.

[boobie]

Hopeful but scared

Insomnia is killing me

So no drinks since Saturday and boy would I love to go mix up a cocktail. I received supps and cd's yesterday. Dove in head first. The supps made me a little dizzy feeling but no other bad side effects. I didn't pour any drinks last night and actully didn't think about it, which was nice.

Until about 3 a.m. I could not sleep at all last night. Second night in a row. I didn't drink but I really wanted to. The nice warm relaxing elixer always relaxes me and (after too much) puts me to sleep. I was hot then cold, couldn't get comfortable, brain wouldn't shut off, and now I'm exhausted and want to crawl onto the couch with a nice warm bottle of wine. How long will this part go on?

Hey Mica - sounds like our guys could hang together and you and I could go to the lake. Its funny... sometimes I look forward to a night that he might need to be away so I can do whatever the heck I want - no sneaking around. These are usually some of my worst nights (mornings) so it's strange that I crave them.

Last night I watched Dr. G the medical examiner and she did an autopsy on a 39 year old woman. She said she had one of the worst yellow-fatty-enlarged livers she'd ever seen and was shocked that it was in someone so young. She said this woman must have drank an ENORMOUS amount of alcohol. She actually died from a black esphogus, which can be a result of alcohol abuse. This scares me... just turned 40.

Quick question... is there a basic forum for newbies that I could post on so I could move on from this one?

Thanks everyone!

[Providence]

Hopeful but scared

Hi Boobie,

Well for me the night sweats goes on for at least a week, along with bad dreams. I did buy supplements and they make a world of difference even when I drink way to much. I double up on L-Glut and B-1 and I take melatonian at night.

Just keep going... I always have hope.

[ceprise]

Hopeful but scared

Also Seeking Newbie Forum

Hi Buhbie!
I'm also seeking a newbie forum. The ones listed as newbie have thousands of posts and look very inside. I may go over there and start a thread.

I'm up to two topo (25 mg/AM+PM) a day, supplements+LGlut and CD's. For sleep, I use Tylenol PM, melatonin (3 mg) and two Calms Forte. If I wake up after the Hypno or the Cleraring, I use the Sleep Learning or the Subliminal to go back to sleep.

I'm still keeping the one hour rule. My consumption of vodka is way down. I'm aiming to go AF by the end of the week. Or to try it anyway. My PCP said the decision to go AF is mine to make.

I have not told my wife yet. I work away from home 5 days a week and go back 2 days. I really want to be back in control when I talk to her. What is a woman's advise?

[ceprise]

Hopeful but scared

Going Alcohol Free Tonight

Dear Buhbie:
After observing the one hour rule, I decided that I didn't want a drink tonight. I decided that today will be my AF day one.

I've been taking the supplements for two weeks and doing the hypno CDs. Today I started the third week of Topiramate, 25 mg in AM and 50 mg in PM. I don't feel like having a drink tonight.

My alcohol consumption has been declining. I was consuming two 1.75 liter bottles of scotch and two 1.75 liter bottles of vodka per week. The scotch I eliminated after week one. I've been drinking less and less vodka. I work 5 days away from home and commute on weekends. Today driving back up to my work apartment I stopped and bought a bottle of wine instead of vodka. I thought I might go alcohol free this week and I didn't want the vodka around. The wine is unopened in the refrigerator. I pray it stays that way.

I am excited and don't feel sleepy. I've taken a Tylenol PM, melatonin, and a Calms Forte. My PCP gave me a script for Librium, a tranquilizer used for alcohol detox, to aid in sleep. But I don't want to take it because it has a very long half-life (up to 30 hours) so I afraid it will leave me loggy in the morning. So the hypno CD will get a real work out tonight! Pun intended.

One day at a time, one day at a time, one day at a time...

[ceprise]

Hopeful but scared

Start of AF Day 3 Update

So far, the MWO system is working. Topiramate, 25 mg AM, 50 mg PM; supplements per latest revised schedule; Hypno CDs every night. Last night was the second night without alcohol. No real bad withdrawl or Topa symptoms. Slight headache, dry mouth, drinking a lot of water and peeing a lot as well. And no craving for alcohol.

I watched 24 last night and actually understood , I think, what was happening. Head clear and knees creaking at night and in the morning.

To sleep at night, my PCP gave me a script for librium but I haven't used it. I use Tylenol PM (acetaminiphen + benadryl), Melatonin, plus Calmes Forte about a half hour before bed time and then listen to either the Clearing or the Hypnotic CD to fall asleep. After I wake up to pee (about 2x), I use either the Subliminal or the Sleep Learning CD to go back to sleep.

I hope people don't mind me discussing the mechanics of what is working for me in these posts. This is the amazing part for me, that it is actually working.

[DeeBee]

Hopeful but scared

That is FANTASTIC Ceprise!!

[Luvwins]

Hopeful but scared

I hope people don't mind me discussing the mechanics of what is working for me in these posts.

Not at all. In fact for me it's one of the best things about this forum. It's a backdrop for working on my own recovery.
:goodjob: Well done on your progress.

[ceprise]

Hopeful but scared

Day 4 AF Progress Report

Day 4 AF and so far, so good! I'm strictly following the MWO program. Today I attended a company-sponsored lunch for the project's administrative assistants at the Trap Rock Microbrewery in New Jersey. I joked that I was "on the wagon". On person didn't attend at all because they were on a special diet. We are all fighting demons. I wasn't the only person not drinking, so I didn't feel alone.

I had no desire to have a beer at lunch, or to have a drink tonight. I feel like a bond to alcohol has been broken. I have not experienced significant withdrawal symptoms from alcohol or side effects from the topiramate. On Friday I see my PCP to report progress and ask for the next month's script for topiramate. I think I'll ask to stabilize at 100 mg per day, 50 mg AM + 50 mg PM, and see if I can make 30 days AF at that level.

God bless everyone and your efforts!

[Peanut]

Hopeful but scared

Ceprise - you are doing great!! So glad the Topa is working for you - it worked for me too when I took it, but then went to a level that didn't agree with me, so i weaned myself off it. Keep up the fantastic attitude! Success is yours!
Where is Boobie by the way???
xoxo peanut

[ceprise]

Hopeful but scared

Day 10 AF

Hey Buhbie:
We've missed you! I hope you've been well. Check in please. I had to have surgery on my finger to remove an infection from underneath the nail. UGG!

I've kept on the MWO program and have reached day 10 alcohol free. It was like a switch being thrown. I am at 75 mg topiramate (25 mg AM, 50 mg PM), supplements stopped until after surgery, CDs every night, Community posts and reading every day.

NO shakes, NO craves, NO stupids!

Please post soon.

[mica]

Hopeful but scared

Hi, Boobie and Ceprise, et. al,

Hi, everybody,
Boobie, I second Ceprise's hope that you will check in soon. I say this knowing that I don't add to the thread all that often, so I shouldn't talk.

Hey, Ceprise, great work on your journey. It's quite a success story to be able to say you waited for the first hour after arriving home, and then found out you didn't want any at all. And it is REALLY hard to be at a function where there is alcohol and not partake. Great work.

Boobie, I hope the insomnia is getting better. I have found that cutting a 3mg melatonin i quarters and putting ONE quarter under the tongue gets me feeling like the sandman hit me with his sand bag really soon. I know that it seems odd to say that such a tiny amount works better than the whole pill, but it really does. I had been on Ambien for years, along with the alcohol, and believe it or not, this is what works for me.

Good luck everybody. Hope to be back soon.