I just found MWO - read it cover to cover last night while enjoying a few microbrews until . I chewed every nail off while reading and sipping. I have been praying for help and then this book landed in my lap. After reading it I feel really hopeful but also scared.
Here's my story... I am 40, female, married, and live in the mountains in beautiful Montana. I am having difficulty writing this but here goes... I drink with friends but drink more alone at night while my husband is sound asleep. I can drink for hours. I don't stop until I usually pass out. I can drink a bottle or two of red wine or vodka but I definately get too messed up on the vodka so I avoid it unless Im out of wine. I end up physically feeling like crap and emotionally feeling like a total looser the next day. I can barely get any work done, don't exercise, lay around, and eat crap hoping it will make me feel better soaking up all that alcohol. This happens about 3 times a week, sometimes 4. I usually go1 or 2 days with little to no alcohol in between.
My husband doesn't think I have a problem with alcohol he just thinks I like it more than him and that I go to bed around the same time as he does.
I have been trying to loose 30 pounds for 3 years but can't stay on any diets because more than 1/2 my calories come from alcohol. I can't exercise because my head is pounding, I'm nautious, and I have zero energy or desire. I used to be quite attractive physically and loved to laugh so I had lots of friends. Now I would rather stay at home and drink in my sweats. Pretty picture. Makes me wonder why my husband loves me at all. What a miserable existence this is.
I have never wanted to give up alcohol and was always fighting that option until about 10 days ago... I woke up sick AGAIN and was furious with myself. I yelled and screamed and knew that I was ready. Each day since then I know that I want to stop the binge drinking. I want to be normal and be able to sip wine with friends but leave it when I'm satisfied. I want to be able to sleep without needing alcohol. I want to be able to be active again and eat healthy.
Last night reading MWO I realized I can have everything I want... I can loose weight from not drinking 1000's of calories a week of alcohol, I can use the hypno tapes to cure my insomnia instead of using alcohol, and I can drink socially without it turning into a binge.
I'm very hopeful, a little scared, but much more hopeful. I have ordered everything today. Hopefully I'll have it all in my hands next week.
If anyone out there has helpful stories or just want to say Hi that would be great. I've never opened up like this and could use a friend.
Thank you!
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