Trying to find a better version of me...

[girl_from_oz]

:new:
Hi,
Well I've been looking at this site for at least a month now trying to get the guts to do something. I had a moment of clarity when I realised I had a problem. I bailed on a friend's bbq because I was having follow up/kick the hangover drinks by myself when I woke up on the Saturday. Couldn't drive cos I was too drunk so told my flatmates I was feeling really sick and coming down with something. Turned out my friend got married at that bbq and was throwing a surprise wedding and wanted to spend it with her family and friends. I felt like the worst person in the world and woke up on the Sunday in search of something that could help me. Found this website and joined up but put off getting too involved - that would mean confessing I have a drinking problem that is no longer controllable by me. Since I joined a month or so ago I have had about 3 or 4 alcohol free days a week. Come the weekend though, I am pretty much drunk from Friday night to Sunday night. Not necessarily with the company of a drinking buddy. Often just in my room alone. I'm not happy about the damage I'm doing to my body. I love the sensation of being tipsy/drunk but I know it's killing me. I also realise there's a healthier kind of happiness out there for me - I just really need help to find it. I'm single, and often lonely. All my friends are married with kids and the ones that aren't (who also happen to be my closest friends) are either overseas or a few hours away. I am a happy person that generally enjoys my life and what I make of it - I just know I need to stop drinking before it really, really gets out of control. I feel like I'm on the edge of that cliff already. In fact maybe I'm half way down, just trying to claw my way back to the top while I still can...
I am scared but I do want to change. I just don't know if I have the confidence, self discipline or the self esteem to go out into the big, bad world without alcohol. I don't think I'm really a textbook alcoholic yet, but am getting pretty close. Does anyone else ever feel this way??

[capricorn2009]

Trying to find a better version of me...

YES!!! I posted for the first time yesterday after reading for a while. Thinking "do I actually have a problem or am I just being silly?" We live in a culture where it seems perfectly acceptable to drink yourself into oblivion every weekend. It's sad really! I am the same... I live in Sydney, right in the centre of everything and have a great lifestyle with fun friends and everyone drinks and parties a lot. I drink to the point where I black out and don't remember large chunks of the night (including getting home). Today I am enjoying day 2 alcohol free (had a birthday lunch with friends today too and survived it!) I too often think loneliness is to blame..... I have woken up hungover and thought how I miss the feeling of being in love, and wonder if that's why I drink those worries away sometimes... but it only makes me feel more lonely and hopeless, like I have no control over my life.

I think feeling like that is the thing that damages your confidence... if you can stick at it for a while and survive some of those tough moments, it boosts your confidence, you feel stronger for it! I also think the word 'alcoholic' is a bit scary for some. I don't think I'm a text-book alcoholic but I do think I have a problem with drinking: ie: I can't control it at all... let it get the better of me, then spend a lot more hours beating myself up and feeling bad about it than I did happy and having fun while pissed.

After just 2 days here I feel inspired and motivated, and like I DO have support. While my friends love me and have the best of intentions, they don't really understand this. Hang in there, keep posting and keep reading, you'll get plenty of support here and find MANY people with all the same thoughts and feelings as you are having.

xxxx

[savon19]

Trying to find a better version of me...

Hey, Girl!

Wow. That must've felt horrible to have missed your friend's wedding. I know I've missed out on a LOT of things due to my drinking, too. I hate to even think about it. Or how my Whole life would have been better had I never fallen into the alcohol HOLE.

Scary stuff. But this is how we all help each other & learn from each other. Your post has reinforced why I want to Stop and save what is left of my life!! (And try to just let the regrets of past - most associated with AL - somehow not haunt me...!)

I'm scared, too. For a lot of reasons. Too many to list!

BUT, there is Hope. Keep reading here, especially the posts from people who have quit for a while. They ALL say how much better they feel in general, but especially how much better they feel about Themselves! That's really the carrot. Getting back that self-esteem is worth a few days' discomfort. (I can hardly remember what "self-esteem" is!! But even after just a couple days, I'm getting a glimmer!)

Sooooo... Hope we'll see a lot of you here. It's great knowing that people will Not judge (since most have "been there, done that").

:welcome:

[ezzmae]

Trying to find a better version of me...

Hi and welcome. I think that we all sometimes wonder if we really have a problem but for me if I am thinking my drinking then it is a problem. I know that if I can resist the call to have a drink I am a happier person. When I don't drink I wake up bursting with energy in the mornings, loving life. Unfortunately sometimes I look around me and see how much AL is a part of so many lives that I convince myself that it is OK to drink. AL can be your security blanket against the world but it is also stopping you living your life to its full potential. You will find plenty of support here, lots of us Aussies trying to improve our lives.

[Marshy]

Trying to find a better version of me...

Hi girl from oz,

Well done for posting! I missed a friend's wedding reception once because I was so hungover. Ugg.

As for going out in the world without alcohol, I've found I now have more confidence and self-esteem without it. I also used to think alcohol relaxed me, and it's only since giving up that I realised it actually made me agitated. Lots of things that I thought alcohol "gave" me have turned out to be the total opposite - it was actually taking things away all those years.

Dealing with the problem IS scary in the beginning but it really does get better!

:welcome: